thread: Feeling overwhelmed (first time parents!)

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  1. #1
    Registered User

    Nov 2008
    Lake Macquarie, NSW
    131

    Unhappy Feeling overwhelmed (first time parents!)

    Wow!!! I am soooooooooo happy to be pregnant (we had some fertility issues as well as two miscarriages but six years in the trying and here we are).

    I was reading a book last night about the natural way to pregnancy and all of a sudden I feel like I am not doing a good job. I was so sick for the first four months I couldn't drink water (it just came straight back up) so lived on between one & two glasses of lemonade a day...all I could stomach in terms of fluids plus some food but limited. Now I am feeling better but still being sick I can drink water & manage about four or so pieces of fruit a day plus most days I have salad, wholegrain breads, cereal, protien and am must doing the very best I can for my beautiful miracle baby. It seems I eat too much fruit...the sugar is not good & then chocolate on top of that is even worse, then there is the mineral water..high in sodium....it feels like nothing I am doing is right. The sparkling mineral water I drink because until the last week the regular type doesn't stay down and I had past the lemonade phase & the few pieces of dark chocolate I have a day are all jeopardising the current and future health of my baby. I feel like I am doing my best but still it is not good enough.


    The book also says you are infertile and also get sick in pregancy because you don't take care of yourself (my fault even though I am a generally healthy person who exercises and eats well). Then, today we went to a garage sale because they had 'baby items'. I left in tears, I have no idea what so many of the things are. We have been to baby shops & asked lots of questions, I read this forum & others, we have books & I have a friend who has just had a baby so I am trying to learn but it just seems there is so much I don't know and sometimes it gets the better of me.

    I know that I will make mistakes, just like any other part of life but it seems so important to get it right. I waver from all our child needs is love and stability - we know we can give it that (I have he most wonderful DH and he is so in love with my round tummy and the baby) but all of the practical things are so overwhelming.

    I am also aware that this stress is not good for baby so go back to the 'not a good Mum' thing. I don't want to feel like this and try not to, I guess that is part of my writing this..trying to get it out rather than holding it all in.

    Thanks for listening!

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Oct 2007
    Perth,WA
    2,942

    I had to reply!

    Feeling overwhelmed is completely normal! You are embarking on something you don't know anything about.

    But the thing I want to say the most is......PUT THAT BOOK AWAY! If you do that, I'll stop eating my fun size Flakes!

    Hugs

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2009
    58

    I would throw the book out! lol.... I'm having my fourth soon, and I still don't know what half the baby things that are out are for!!

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    5,951

    I agree, get rid of that book! It is completely natural to be feeling anxious and overwhelmed. If you're worried about your nutriticion, see a gp or a health specialist if you want.
    There are so many things on the market for babies, a lot of it is a waste of time and money. Start off with the necessities like clothing (00000, 0000, 000 sizes to begin with), wraps, sheets, blankets, nappies, wipes singlets and socks. You may want to invest in a bouncer/rocker, or even maybe a sling/wrap, but that's totally up to you. Prams you can get cheap from Ebay, garage sales, private sales etc. Babies don't need much.
    Huge

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Feb 2007
    Ma hoos
    1,062

    Renee - you poor chook !

    My first piece of advice would be to put that stupid book in the rubbish bin! unless you have particular medical issues that would normally require a particular type of diet, your baby will be really good at getting exactly what it needs to thrive, and frankly, your diet sounds pretty darn good, wish I could say the same. Not being able to drink water is really common - I couldn't stand the stuff for most of this prg, and like you, have had quite a bit of lemonade (and cordial), to get through. You're definitely not alone on this issue.

    And re all the baby things - it can be totally overwhelming all the stuff out there, but so much of it is designed to cater to your Mummy guilt -in terms of stuff, my view is that bubs will need a safe place to sleep and a cot will do the trick just fine for this, unless you choose to co-sleep, in which case you probably won't even need a cot. A car seat is a necessity, and a pram is also useful (which is a pretty obvious one). And then clothes & nappies. I personally loved the change table, as it saved my back, but at the end of the day, the task can be done on the floor just as well. And for me, most other things are just nice to haves, although there is a chance that my preggie brain has forgotten something . And if you don't have everything that you need from day 1, you'll still find a way to survive until you get a chance to go shopping.

    So, aside from a handful of "things", you're absolutely right - bubs will benefit most from your love & stability, this is the stuff that is immeasurably valuable, so dish it out in spades.

    And seriously - get rid of that book!

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Apr 2008
    Melbourne
    6,745

    :yeahthat:

    Yes, it is important to eat well and take your vitamins during pregnancy BUT for many women they just can't stomach certain foods and crave others. I could only drink cordial or lemonade with DD2 and for the first trimester only wanted starchy white food like rice, pasta and potatoes. I also ate chocolate every day And guess what? She's perfectly fine!

    As the others have said, babies really don't need that much and with baby showers and newborn gifts you are likely to be inundated with things you didn't even know existed! Many of the things can wait until after the baby is born so I wouldn't stress about that. We didn't even finish the nursery for DD1 until she was 4 months as she was in the room with us until she 5m old.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Sep 2008
    SE suburbs of Melbourne
    197

    babe, just thought I'd share what I think (and correct me if I'm wrong anyone)..

    Your body knows what your baby needs...and your body will nourish him/her using the stores that are already in your body...one of the big reasons they say to eat certain stuff...like prenatal vitamin's, and for example milk for it's calcium...is not to make your baby's bones (your body is already seeing to that)...it's so your own body can bounce back after he/she is born...

    ..ie. calcium rich foods so your own teeth stay strong..

    you're doing a great job.. just breathe

  8. #8
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Feb 2006
    South Eastern Suburbs, Vic
    6,054

    It is a lot to take in the first time hey. What book are you reading? It doesn't sound particularly reassuring, perhaps as the others have said put it aside for now.

    As for what you need? Nothing you can't buy once you realise you need it. xo Think of babies in third world countries - obviously that's not our standard, but it helps you realise that lots of 'necessities' are actually just conveniences.

    There are plenty of lists around BB (try searching), and maybe check out the articles section too - and if you can't find what you're after, then ask away!

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    Melbourne
    4,031

    The book sounds like it is really stressing you out..I would put it away

    Eat what you feel like..that's what I have always done and have 3 happy healthy children.
    I have not been the most conventional in eating during pregnancy..love black pudding ate it, love Ice cream Sundaes..ate it. Coffe Can't live without it.
    Just go with your instincts.

    Your baby just needs somewhere to sleep ,something to carry them in (if you wish), something to bath them in and clothes. The rest you can get as you need and you will find alot of people will buy you things anyway (whether you want them to or not ).

    Tust in your Instincts they will kick in...you will be the best mother ever, I can tell this as you wouldn't be in here asking advice from these amazing people in Belly Belly Land.
    And yes..lot's of different lists in Belly Belly, pick out the things you like the sound of.

    x Heather

  10. #10
    Registered User
    Add Kazbah on Facebook Follow Kazbah On Twitter

    Sep 2006
    Dandy Ranges ;)
    7,526

    I get where you're coming from - I had literally never held a baby in my life until I held DS. And he's just fine, growing and being his own little person. Water would make me sick, so it was milk or slushies (which aren't recommended, but hey, I was over milk!) I ate chocolate and peanuts and he's just fine, no allergies or defects (unless you count cute-ness as a defect).

    Do the best you can with what you've got. Indulge yourself, if you see something you *really* want, be it a fluffy toy or a rattle or a furniture item or clothing, buy it! Spoil yourself, enjoy your pregnancy - cause you'll only be pregnant with this little person once!

    Have you started your ante-natal classes yet? If so, they usually have heaps of advice about what you need - in fact, everything on the list the hospital gave us to bring in was what we needed most of (except the car seat/capsule - one's just fine And if you have people offering to buy you stuff, ask for vouchers so you can buy your own when you've an idea what you need - although gorgeous heirloom clothing is always wonderful.

    kaz

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2009
    1,385

    I have a ten year old and was still cr*pping myself during my pregnancy with Archie as i thought i wouldn't be able to remember how to look after a baby or that i wouldn't cope! You'll be fine! And they really don't need that much stuff, just clothing, nappies and blankets really! All the other things are optional extras...
    Congratulations on your miracle bub!
    x x x

  12. #12
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic
    7,070

    Hahahaha! I remember reading a book that suggested putting a sink in the nursery! Oh hell yeah NOT.
    Half the crap for sale is exactly that - crap. Don't panic about having everything ready. You can always go out and buy something later if you think you will need it. If you have boobs and warm arms that is all you really, truly need xoxoxoxxo