Gender Disappointment?

**Trish** · October 14th, 2006, 06:50 AM

Ryn, I have to say that I disagree with you there. Your daughter - who ever's daughter, if brought up with a fantastic role model, great ideals set into her should grow up to be a healthy and happy young woman.

Sure all of us can be b*tchy, so can men. My daughter is already a very head strong and independant little girl and even though I know that we will probably clash heads as she gets older, I am happy to think that she will be that same head strong and independant person as she grow's older. If she is taught from an early age that she is beautiful, she is worthwhile, and to stand up for herself and her belief's then I will be a very happy mother.

I know that you as a person would install these thing's into your daughter if you were to have one. You, yourself are a very head strong woman, I love to read your post's, always very well thought out and articulate. I can't se any daughter of your's being walked over.

It is up to us as mother's to make sure that our son's know how to treat girls/women and our daughter's know what to put up with and what to stand up for.

**jemima** · October 14th, 2006, 07:14 AM

I like the idea of handing the jewllery to a grand daughter - will have to keep that in mind for the future!!LOL

**Trish** · October 14th, 2006, 07:28 AM

That was to be my plan too. Perhaps I will share some with my daughter and some with my grand daughters. Assuming I have some.

**jemima** · October 14th, 2006, 07:56 AM

Hi again! Has anyone ever spoken to a professional about the feelings we have been talking about? If yes, who and was it helpful?

**Lil_Aussie** · October 14th, 2006, 08:31 AM

All I can say, is that anyone who wants all boys,,,,can have mine for a week!!!! lol

My youngest has been referred to by his paediatrician as having adhd, but is still a little young for the formal assesments for it. Having 4 males in my house, I am sick and tired of constantly finding sprinkles on my toilet seat,,,no matter how many times I lecture them about it,,,,apparentley noone did it, and it was that norty little fairy again???? So either i scrub it daily, or it smells like a mens urinal *groan*
I have visions of walking down the street, and finding babies in prams to young mothers,,,who look exactly like my boys,,,,,,,,I just pray that my boys have enough sense to "keep it in their pants" until they settle down with their life partner,,,,but honestly, we all know that sex is what is on most young males minds alot of the time.
You say Ryn that women get raped,,,,,,,that is a very sad fact in this world,,,and One I am sure every woman agrees is a nightmare. But think of it this way,,,,,,Who does the raping??. I dont ever remember hearing in the news of a women raping another woman?
I dont think it fair to put all guys into categories, just like it is unfair to put all women in categories either, otherwise these facts would also have to be considered:
More males speed
More males are involved in drink driving, and car accidents
Domestic violence is commited by more men than women
More men than women are serving goal time for crimes
The suicide rate is higher among men

The list could go on, but it is unfair to apply that to all men, just like all women arent moody *****es who spend tonnes of time on the phone.
I never used the phone when I lived at home, never faught with my friends, never got to go out or visiting , or had birthday parties(my dad was way too strict)and spent most of my time locked into my bedroom alone, escaping my 2 eldest brothers fighting. Their favourite game was this "i shove your head through the wall, and then you throw mine through" I vow my sons will not grow up like that!!
I love my boys more than words can describe,,,,,,but as i said in my post above,,,try going through 30 weeks pregnancy knowing you are having a daughter, then lose her for no reason, birth her, then have to immediately let her go forever.......then only conceive boys. I am sure your heart will never be the same again either.
I dont want this post to be seen by anoyone as a personal attack on anyone,,,as I dont want anyone to feel this way, so please please dont,,,,just reading some things has brought alot of emotion for me to the surface. Sure girls do mean alot of work, but so do boys

**christy** · October 14th, 2006, 10:47 AM

Girls this poll is to help those of us who have truely experienced dissappointment in finding the gender of our babies to be different than we would have chosen. I myself have been through this both times. My first pregnancy I was devestated and it took days to recover, this time I am much happier about having my second girl.

I think the issue we need to be supporting each other through our dissappointment and not debating one gender over another.

Thanks

**jemima** · October 14th, 2006, 08:50 PM

Me again. I hate to go on - but after posting yesterday I found it really helpful to speak to others who had experienced similar feelings. I am still wanting to and NEED to speak to people about this issue as I dont want to feel this way anymore. In my last post I asked if anyone had spoken to a professional about this issue and if yes who and did you find it helpful.

**EllyBoo72** · October 14th, 2006, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by jemima

Me again. I hate to go on - but after posting yesterday I found it really helpful to speak to others who had experienced similar feelings. I am still wanting to and NEED to speak to people about this issue as I dont want to feel this way anymore. In my last post I asked if anyone had spoken to a professional about this issue and if yes who and did you find it helpful.

Jemima....I think it would be a great idea to seek a professional about these feelings...esp if they are a little consuming IYKWIM (or if it has caused devastation as some ladies have mentioned)...I imagine these feelings that some of you ladies have may be a result of ones own personal life experiences perhaps? In which case I think councelling would be a great Idea, esp since you no longer want to feel this way.
Ladies, I'm not in your shoes, so I dont fully understand those feelings, but I really do hope things turn around for you all, and that eventually those feelings ease up or go away

Good luck and all the best.

**bigbird2girls** · October 15th, 2006, 07:18 AM

I think alot of people dream of having a boy and a girl. Unfortuneately this can not happen for everyone. I am greatful that i have one beautiful healthy little girl. I would love to have a boy next time round but i know that we may not have one. I would still be very happy if it was a girl though.

Jen
x

**christy** · October 15th, 2006, 07:37 AM

Like I said this is not a place to judge those with gender dissappointment, but instead to help us support how we are feeling through this & to be able to become the best parents to our precious children. I do not love Matilda any LESS because she is a female & I would never let her know what I went through because of it... because it was MY issue & not hers.

Having said that...jemima I went through PND and during that time gender dissappointment came up & I did get some help sorting through "why" I wanted a boy over a girl. How I loved Matilda, and it would have never changed the love I have for her but the shock was quite incredible when she came out a girl. I had some reasons for it and those were what I needed to sort out most of all.

Caro - *hugs* I had extra scans to try & determine Matilda's gender before birth. I just "knew" that if I was having a girl I would need to prepare mentally for it. I guess we always have an idea of holding a baby... whatever they may be... and in my mind and dreams my babies have always been boys. But that is not to be, and I'm okay with that now. I wouldn't change Matilda for the world and consider myself so lucky to be her parent. Thankfully I got to this point pretty early on, but I actually had to grieve my boy. Both pregnancies, when we found out this one was a girl I needed a few days to recover.

I felt horribly guilty because I have had 2 healthy pregnancies and I have very close friends who are in their 4th year of assisted conception... I felt like I was horrible for wanting one gender over another. But these feelings can be completely normal...

**jemima** · October 15th, 2006, 07:43 AM

Good to hear some other views. I think these feelings (for me anyway) go beyond the train of thought that I should feel grateful for what I have. I am so very very grateful for my two beautiful boys, but it still doesnt change the fact that I am sad I am not going to have a girl. I also am adopted (mum to cheeky girl06) so have experienced first hand the feelings people have when they cant have children at all (my adoption experience couldnt be more positive - I have wonderful parents) and I struggled to get pregnant and had to do two cycles of IVF before miraculously conceiving naturally on both occassion, so maybe I shouldnt be having these feelings, but I cant help it. I know I will have a wonderful relationship with my two boys (I will work very hard towards one) but I am sad I wont get to have a wonderful relationship with a daughter as well. I guess as my youngest is still only 5 months old, maybe I just need a bit more time to sort through these feelings and come to terms with the fact that a girl isnt in the picture for me and I have two beatiful boys instead . Although I think I will definitely seek some prfessional counselling to assist in this process.

**bigbird2girls** · October 15th, 2006, 07:53 AM

Jemima,

Do you think maybe you have PND? I think you need to seek some proffessional help from someone. I can understand your pain in wanting a girl, my DH's sister went through this as well, she has three boys and was desperate for a girl. To top it all off as well her other sister had a boy and 2 girls so she felt hard done by and thoght to herslef why me! She is adopted as well.

I think maybe also you are tired and rundown especially with your youngest being 5mths old and maybe that is why you are feeling like this? I don't now.

I am here to talk though Jemima, i can relate to you in the adoption part as my husband and i are both adopted. Just pm me if you want and i can always call my SIL and get her advise too as she seeked prof advise as well.

Take care and thinking of you, i hope i did not upset you in my last post or you took it all the wrong way!

jen
xx

**jemima** · October 15th, 2006, 08:02 AM

Thanks Jen. No you didnt upset me at all in your last post.

It is good to hear the views of others and I have been wondering if PND is an issue for me - I am sure if you asked my husband he would probably say yes.
I know that at times I have felt like I need to cope with all this on my own, but come Monday I am going to look into counselling. Thanks.

**~Raven~** · October 15th, 2006, 08:24 AM

Just thought I'd add a link to an archived thread from a last year.
http://bellybelly.com.au/forums/arch...hp/t-2522.html

Jemima I understand your feelings having recently given birth to my third son. I never expected that I wouldn't have a daughter, and I am still sad in a way that I tried every trick suggested to sway the balance in favour of concieving pink but I got a blue one.
Having said that I don't love my boys any less either.

After swearing black and blue that three bubbas would be it I find myself thinking about trying again, JIC there is a girl for me. Caleb is only 8 weeks old though so I've got plenty of time to ponder it.

*ETA* it was interesting for me to look back on this thread from last year and see the post I made http://bellybelly.com.au/forums/show...2&postcount=57
BTW I am an aunty to two gorgeous little girls now

**jemima** · October 15th, 2006, 08:42 AM

Thanks Sammi-j for the link to the old posts. I have only just started to read through them all, but am already finding them theraputic.

**aussienic** · October 15th, 2006, 02:51 PM

I have 3 boys and have been happy each time.. I thought that with my 3rd I may have liked a girl but when they announced he was a boy I was so happy. We are now trying for bub 4 and even though I wouldn't mind a girl this time I would be ecstatic with another boy

**bigbird2girls** · October 15th, 2006, 05:26 PM

I would like to say i am sorry if anyone has been offended by a reply thread of mine re- my parents parents could not have kids and i am adopted etc etc. (it has been edited by Christy.) I had a message from Christy to say people were offended by this. I feel that it was my opinion and i feel very strongly in regards to this opinion. I in no way meant to offend anyone and i feel that i have been picked on as to me this was not an attack on anyone at all!

Jen