hi all

thanks so much for your messages and your thoughts/prayers.

we had our amnio test last friday afternoon and the test went fine, no complications. and the initial results came back yesterday and they are clear - there's no other chromosomal problem (like Downes, etc), it's "just" a heart problem. there's still some secondary tests to come back, but so far the amnio looks fine.

as of this morning, we were still waiting to get in to see a cardio specialist - as the condition needs to be confirmed (the ultrasound doctor is pretty sure it is Tetralogy of Fallot though). but the public system is booked out until 26 Oct - the pain of waiting and not knowing is just unbearable. but then our ultrasound doctor and our OB searched for a private consultation and luckily we were able to get in to see someone from the Monash Medical Centre this Thursday afternoon. it may cost us a small fortune, but right now we dont care about money, we just need to know. i dont think i could go through another week of not knowing, like this past week.

so i guess we wait until thursday and see what they have to say. from what i've read, i'm not sure they will be able to tell us the severity of the condition (assuming it is Tetralogy of Fallot), but unfortunately the severity is of course linked to their prognosis.... the worse the condition, the less likely they are able to survive or have a good quality of life.

so depending on what they tell us on thursday, my DH and i will have to make the heart wrenching decision about whether to continue the pregnancy or not.... how the hell can anyone make that decision?? either way will be massive heartache....

Christine - thats great that your little boy is normal and healthy. And Melinda - it would be good if your friend could email me with her story. thank you both

i'm still a complete mess - i just cant stop thinking about it and its draining me. why is this happening to us? i keep thinking about what i'd be doing/thinking if everything was fine and the baby was ok - i'd be excited and thinking about next year... and the baby is kicking so much now, normally i would have grabbed my husband's hands so he could feel... but i dont want him to touch my belly or see it. i dont even want to acknowledge it myself.... i'm so scared that if we continue with the pregnancy that i will not allow myself to bond and that this depression that i've been feeling this past week will just continue for the next 19 weeks and beyond.....

life really does suck sometimes.