Male looking for help/advice

[Gage]

SJH - Thanks for your reply, I hadn't actually thought of the 'breakdown' process as you explained it (shower, touching, nakedness), so I'll certainly take that into account if/when I run something like that past DF.

Jess - You know, everything you've said, is a carbon copy of what myself and DF have been through. Whilst TTC she was just a 'horn bag' as I was, so that was certainly happy days. Now with the 'drought' DF has only heard my point of view from me, not another male, nor my point of view from another female. I'll be making sure that when I do speak to her next about it, I'll go through all and every emotion I'm experiencing, and hopefully DF may be able to see part of my side. Honestly I wouldn't be worried if we still didn't DTD, but just so long as she knows exactly how I'm feeling, and tries to comfort me as much as I comfort her.
Thanks again.

[Smoke Jaguar]

Gage, I feel a great connection with SJH's post!
With DP, everytime he touches me, I know it's because he wants it to end up as sex. He knows that I don't often want it to end up as sex yet he always takes it there, because he thinks he's convinced me that I want it after all. I'm not dead against it, I'd just sometimes rather conserve my energies and snuggle. I don't know if this is the case with you, I know that DP has admitted it to me - the hoping to change my mind bit.
So, yes, in just you explaining about the shower or massage has made me want to curl up into a ball, just thinking of the chain of events!
I'm breastfeeding, so I expend a lot of nurturing energy during the day AND night. I call it 'putting out'. When DP wants me to roll over after DS has fallen asleep, I just want to snuggle into my little boy, with my DP snuggling my back so that I feel looked after. Next thing I know...hello!! So then I put out on both sides of the bed, so to speak. It's tiring. So, I am not being a doomsayer, just warning you that it could continue after the baby is born, depending on which way her hormones sway. Also, I very much agree with Rosehannah that if you can start showing NOW that you can demonstrate your love for her in lateral ways, she might muster up some mojo on her end of things. My DP is very sporadic in his house cleaning efforts, so that mostly it's me doing everything, with him putting in a big burst of energy every once in a while (sorry, it doesn't buy him enough brownie points when I'm red in the face from asking before some help is rendered!!). By the time we're DTD, it feels like I'm putting out on 3 levels. It's no wonder that I'm seriously behind in my studies! But more about me (hee, hee!)...
I realise that guys equate love with sex and to suggest that your DF's way to reinforce that she loves you would be to DTD could severely backfire. When it merely sniffs of an 'if you loved me you would DTD', it becomes a transaction. It is also emotional blackmail and is not very compromising. Please don't discount the power that hormones have to switch off her mojo - the mind can be very, very willing on one level, and on another very, very unwilling. Two competing states of mind to host at one time...it's not fun! Sex should never be granted out of guilt. I have and I end up feeling tired, and hollow - no-one wants to feel like a vessel and pregnancy (and to a lesser extent, post-birth) is the perfect time to feel like one!
I think it's important to impress upon you fellas that this is so, so common. None of you guys ever admit among yourselves to not getting any, though, so you dont' realise how common it is. It's not a rejection of you, it's a rejection of sex.
I am privy to the way you guys work, I'm in a fire brigade. DP tells me how a couple of the fellas talk about DTD all the time. Eg "x says their sex life is pretty good", or x says "can't complain, she's pretty good about it". Then I get together with the girls, who don't know that I've heard these things, and x's wife blows his cover! Even if he IS getting the sex, she's doing it out of a sense of duty, because she feels like me - like she's putting out all over the place! So, x insists everything is hunky dory and his wife tells me she has to slap him away and she feels guilty.
Like the others have said, communication and consideration will get you far. And mentioning to the MW without talking about it first will lose you so many brownie points!
In a nutshell - it is very, very normal for her to not want to DTD and it has very little to do with her feelings of love for you (she probably feels that she is carrying the ultimate symbol of her love for you).
I hear your pain, I feel hers

[SunnyRain]

If she's anything like me, she probably feels really guilty for not having a desire for sex. It's good to know that I'm not alone by reading this thread, but it doesn't help solve the problem.

One thing that my husband and I did was to go away for a weekend. We didn't go anywhere fancy, just to a farm house which was so quiet and far away from everything and everyone we knew, with no TV or mobile phone reception.

Once we were there I told my husband I'd like to just get down under the bed covers and cuddle. I told him I needed tenderness and love rather than 'throw me against the wall' sex. We just enjoyed each other and we had a lovely time, and he was very pleased with the outcome

Your situation is a tough one, because she doesn't seem to want any closeness, but don't take it the wrong way. Just remember, she is probably riddled with guilt and that's not helping her at all. Anything you can do to make her feel less guilty would be very positive for your relationship.

Consider taking her away somewhere quiet and relaxing, but don't carry any expectations with you. If you do go away, stop by the Body Shop before you go and buy some body scrubs and other things that you could pamper her with. Try some things that will help you connect with her physically but that don't automatically = sex.