hun, that sounds like a really difficult situation for you to be in.

I don't understand why she wants to be there if she is not happy about your pregnancy or actively looking for things to go wrong

I think the midwives can definitely keep her out of your labour room - they have to respect your medical privacy and wishes on something like this. I have been told that they will help me to keep some unwanted visitors away after the birth so I don't see that this is any different. They cannot release information about you to her - it would be such a breach of privacy legislation. You'd probably be surpised at how often they manage situations like this with family members.

Just remember this is YOUR pregnancy, YOUR baby and YOUR labour. You can have whomever you want there and it's your RIGHT to say no to your partners mother and anyone else who puts inappropriate demands on you.

I think if their attitude is that they can say what they want in their own home, you should limit your contact with them to either your home or neutral territory. I would consider limiting your contact with them anyway (if that's possible) because it sounds like they stress you out generally and that's not good for you or bubs. Let your partner go alone. It seems like you've done a lot to try and include her (having her at the ultrasound), and she has had a few months now to get used to the idea and put on a more positive attitude about the baby. Given she hasn't, it might be time to leave her out of things. You need to surround yourself with happy, positive and supportive people. It sounds to me like there could be lots of unresolved issues she has about either herself, her own pregnancy(s), your relationship with her son, the fact that her son(baby) is going to have his own baby????? I dunno but there is something going on there and it probably has very little to do with you personally and says more about her. Mentally give her back her own issues/stuff and don't take it on board!! I'd stop telling her she upsets you too, because that might be what she is after (given you have described her behaviour as manipulative).

Good luck with her. Just be consistent in saying no as often as she brings it up. I wouldn't get into lengthy explanations or emotional discussions about the issue. Just have a couple of simple sentences like "I realise you want to be there, however, I am not comfortable with that and I am just going to have DP and my mum. I hope you can respect my wishes." Keep repeating this - don't change your 'story' and then end the conversation or change topics once you have said it a couple of times in a row. Get your partner to tell her too.

You need to take a stand now about setting your own limits and boundaries with her. If she is this negative about it all during your pg, it's not a foregone conclusion or anything but she might just continue with this type of behaviour after the birth as well. Getting some groundrules down now and her learning that YOU are the mother and YOU make the decisions is essential. As hard as it will be now, if you give in on this issue, it will be that much harder down the track.

Good luck. I really hope you work out a way to maintain some good boundaries with her and I wish you all the best for the remainder of your pregnancy and beyond