To tell or not to tell?

[~Hestia~]

Okay, so with Moo we were happy to find out the sex and tell everyone This time around we feel like finding out (baby willing ) and maybe keeping it a secret.

Trouble is that everyone who knows me, knows very well that I hate surprises and would definitely find out. So I'm in a bit of a pickle - do we pretend we don't know OR do we admit we're not saying?

What did you do?

[The[cookie]Doctor]

We found out and intended not to tell anyone.
Shouldn't have told DS as he popped the bubble to everyone.

Then we briefly discussed names and used one we liked a few too many times in front of DS.
Now he has finalised the name and on top of that told everyone. *sigh*

Don't find out !!!!

[Traveller]

If you are not going to tell anyone then my advice is don't fine out. It's too hard to keep it secret.

That said, I managed to keep my last pregnancy a complete secret for almost 17 weeks so it can de done

[~Hestia~]

DC - oh no! That happened to a friend of mine too

Traveller - I'm really not good at keeping secrets at the best of times

Hmmm...maybe we should just tell lol.

[~Kim~]

I second DC's not letting your LO find out lol. Darcy did the same to us...though it was much later in the piece (like 36weeks).

We didn't find out with DD, so it was easy enough for us to get away with it with DS. But I found out accidentally at 34weeks. We told people we knew but only one person ever knew with 100% assurance (ie not the daycare teachers from Darcy blabbing), and that was the day he (the person) died.

This time I have been up front telling everyone we aren't finding out. That way even if we do - it's a plausible lie

[minniemouse]

if you want to find out but don't want to tell maybe you can say to people we were hoping to find out but baby would co operate and uncross its legs (all the while knowing that you did find out) and hope that they believe you :-)

[Taryn]

Hi CM, we found out and haven't told one single person! Except on here! We just told people we didn't find out and it's actually really nice having a little secret just for us!

[Cranky Kitten]

The trouble I can see with knowing but not telling is that once people know that you've found out, they'll pester till you tell them! We found out we're having a little boy and have been happy to tell people, but now they're all asking us to spill on what names we've picked - and that we're not telling, but keeping just for us.

So if you do decide to find out, I wouldn't be letting on that you know by just saying bub wasn't co-operative and it was too hard to tell

[megs]

We found out with our 3rd child, and we have also found out with this one. We just say no we didn't find out. It is my stock standard reply, we haven't told the boys as they would certainly tell everyone.

I find it quite nice knowing when no one else does.

[UntoldAngel]

We have found out this time round, but just telling people we didn't... Except I've told a couple of people sshhhh!

[~Hestia~]

Kim - yes that's what I should've done in the first place!

MM - good idea

Taryn - yes it would be lovely to have a little secret! Oooh look at your ticker, counting down now!

CK - yeah same here with Moo, some people would NOT give up trying to guess his name. Very annoying! Good point about the pestering!

Megs - Not telling the kids sounds like a good start

UA - LOL I'm sure I'll tell a select few if we decide to 'not tell' too

Thanks everyone for your tips and opinions, lots to think about!

[Jewel]

We found out both times. The first time it wasn't that much of a secret. Family knew mostly, etc.
The second time around we decided we could tell 2 ( or less) people that we trust each and then no one else would know until the birth. Our trusted people did their jobs well and didn't tell anyone nor let on they knew.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[peanutter]

we found out, but kept it a secret til the end.

I'm good at secrets and am incredibly stubborn, so most people didn't ask more than once

This time we'll find out again, and are undecided whether we'll let people know.

[~Hestia~]

Jewel - that's a good idea about being allowed two people to tell.

Peanutter - well done on keeping it a secret! We're both pretty stubborn too

[ladybird11]

With DD1 and DS we told the world lol, but the DD2 - being the final member of the family we found out but didn't say anything to anyone lol.

So to make it a bit more believable we just told people that bub's legs were crossed and the sonographer couldn't tell.....white lie lol!

[Just Me]

We found out and we told. We decided not to for the last two, but I was so guarded in my conversations because I didn't want to let it slip that it was just a lot less pressure to tell other people. It was only a secret for a couple of weeks before we told people. I would rather tell people on my terms than accidentally let it slip.

My best friend told me what she was having after I hosted her baby shower - no-one else knew, not even her parents so I was so relieved not to know until then. I could have accidentally said to the whole baby shower and that would be terrible. Honestly, if one of my friends was having a baby and wanted to tell me, and only me the gender again, I would be really flattered but decline knowing because it is too big a secret for me. That's just me though. It is such an easy thing to let slip especially if you do lots of talking about 'him' or 'her' and use their name (which we also did). I just couldn't remember not to do it around other people.

[little_mrs]

I was thinking of doing the same for our next bub (when it decides to happen) as it'll be our last. I think if we want to find out and not tell anyone I won't tell them we don't know, I'll simply say I'm not telling lol. Having said that, with DD we kept names to ourselves and got pestered (and even insulted!) about not sharing or welcoming others opinions so I'm expecting some very unhappy people when we cross that bridge lol. So I say find out and keep it to just you and your partner, it's nice to have a little secret every now and then

[8weeks]

We found out and admitted nobody else is going to know until bubs is born.