To tell or not to tell?

[~Hestia~]

Okay, so with Moo we were happy to find out the sex and tell everyone This time around we feel like finding out (baby willing ) and maybe keeping it a secret.

Trouble is that everyone who knows me, knows very well that I hate surprises and would definitely find out. So I'm in a bit of a pickle - do we pretend we don't know OR do we admit we're not saying?

What did you do?

[The[cookie]Doctor]

We found out and intended not to tell anyone.
Shouldn't have told DS as he popped the bubble to everyone.

Then we briefly discussed names and used one we liked a few too many times in front of DS.
Now he has finalised the name and on top of that told everyone. *sigh*

Don't find out !!!!

[Traveller]

If you are not going to tell anyone then my advice is don't fine out. It's too hard to keep it secret.

That said, I managed to keep my last pregnancy a complete secret for almost 17 weeks so it can de done

[~Hestia~]

DC - oh no! That happened to a friend of mine too

Traveller - I'm really not good at keeping secrets at the best of times

Hmmm...maybe we should just tell lol.

[minniemouse]

if you want to find out but don't want to tell maybe you can say to people we were hoping to find out but baby would co operate and uncross its legs (all the while knowing that you did find out) and hope that they believe you :-)

[Rowellen]

I found out with both but told everyone we didn't find out. I referred to the baby as he sometimes & she sometimes. With DD, even DH didn't know I'd found out and he still has no idea! It was incredibly hard keeping it secret though so if you think you'll struggle and don't want everyone to know, don't find out. If it was just up to me, I would have found out & told everyone both times.

Therebel - just make sure you tell them at the start of your scan that you don't want to know, & they will normally try to avoid that area totally.

[~Kim~]

I second DC's not letting your LO find out lol. Darcy did the same to us...though it was much later in the piece (like 36weeks).

We didn't find out with DD, so it was easy enough for us to get away with it with DS. But I found out accidentally at 34weeks. We told people we knew but only one person ever knew with 100% assurance (ie not the daycare teachers from Darcy blabbing), and that was the day he (the person) died.

This time I have been up front telling everyone we aren't finding out. That way even if we do - it's a plausible lie

[Taryn]

Hi CM, we found out and haven't told one single person! Except on here! We just told people we didn't find out and it's actually really nice having a little secret just for us!

[Cranky Kitten]

The trouble I can see with knowing but not telling is that once people know that you've found out, they'll pester till you tell them! We found out we're having a little boy and have been happy to tell people, but now they're all asking us to spill on what names we've picked - and that we're not telling, but keeping just for us.

So if you do decide to find out, I wouldn't be letting on that you know by just saying bub wasn't co-operative and it was too hard to tell

[megs]

We found out with our 3rd child, and we have also found out with this one. We just say no we didn't find out. It is my stock standard reply, we haven't told the boys as they would certainly tell everyone.

I find it quite nice knowing when no one else does.

[UntoldAngel]

We have found out this time round, but just telling people we didn't... Except I've told a couple of people sshhhh!

[~Hestia~]

Kim - yes that's what I should've done in the first place!

MM - good idea

Taryn - yes it would be lovely to have a little secret! Oooh look at your ticker, counting down now!

CK - yeah same here with Moo, some people would NOT give up trying to guess his name. Very annoying! Good point about the pestering!

Megs - Not telling the kids sounds like a good start

UA - LOL I'm sure I'll tell a select few if we decide to 'not tell' too

Thanks everyone for your tips and opinions, lots to think about!

[peanutter]

we found out, but kept it a secret til the end.

I'm good at secrets and am incredibly stubborn, so most people didn't ask more than once

This time we'll find out again, and are undecided whether we'll let people know.

[little_mrs]

I was thinking of doing the same for our next bub (when it decides to happen) as it'll be our last. I think if we want to find out and not tell anyone I won't tell them we don't know, I'll simply say I'm not telling lol. Having said that, with DD we kept names to ourselves and got pestered (and even insulted!) about not sharing or welcoming others opinions so I'm expecting some very unhappy people when we cross that bridge lol. So I say find out and keep it to just you and your partner, it's nice to have a little secret every now and then

[8weeks]

We found out and admitted nobody else is going to know until bubs is born.

[~Hestia~]

Leesa - a little white lie sounds okay to me! If we go ahead with not telling I might use that.

Just Me - yes I can see it would be very easy to accidently let slip!

Little Mrs - thanks, would be nice to have a little secret. I remember that pressure when I wouldn't spill on our son to be's name!

8 Weeks - good luck

Peanutter -

Heather72 - oh one of my friends has done that with all 4 of her pregnancies! Would be so hard but pretty cool too.

Thanks again everyone, have enjoyed reading all your replies. This time next week we'll know and will hopefully have it figured out as to telling or not. I'm really leaning towards not though!

[nickle730]

We found out all three times. With DD1 we didn't tell anyone and managed to confuse a lot of people! I told people before we knew what the baby was that I would refer to it both as he and she, so if I slipped up and said 'she' I would just cover up with a comment about 'him'. I left a few blue singlet and suits around the house to give family the wrong idea. It was lovely for DH and I to share a secret no one else knew.

With DS, we were told at the 20 week US that he was a boy... and that he was most likely an 'unviable pg' due to a health issue. Termination was suggested and his gender was so utterly irrelevant that we told everyone he was a boy. (He's now a healthy almost-6 year old.)

DD2 we found out, but again called her both he and she and kept it a secret from everyone. I found knowing the gender when I was pg helped me to bond to my babies, but I know a lot of people like a surprise.

[corolla_chick]

i have a friend/work mate who found out the sex, and just said straight out that she wasnt telling anyone else.
none of there business - it's yours and dhs special time