embarassing question...sex related

[drbeee]

so this is embarrassing.....

for the last 12mths or so I have either been pregnant or undergoing fertility stuff to get that way. Our sex life has been, well, pretty ordinary because of all the pressures of IVF then of feeling 150% exhausted in early pregnancy. At 19 weeks we were put on 'pelvic rest' because of a low lying placenta, a ban which was lifted 2 weeks ago when I had a 32 week scan.

Now, how to say it.......I am rather keen for the first time in ages to get a little jiggy with it (if you like), but my very dear OH is not keen at all. have tried to find out why...is it that he doesnt fancy me? He says not (wise man). Is it the " theres a baby in there" thing?...maybe, yes.

OK so I admit that I'm not the most sexy creature about at the moment (when was I ever!) , but I LIKE my belly, and I do get a little bit (blush) keen now and then. Also (weirdo alert) I would like to know how it feels to DTD while preggy.

Has anyone else had these issues at all? I hope I'm not the only weirdo on the block?

[frankie]

hi there,

I wasnt too clear on your question exactly. Your dp isnt interested in sex? right? If thats the case it could just be the fact that theres a bub in the oven and maybe the whole process of getting pregnant became an inconvenience.

To your other question i would say that i personally,being 29 weeks that dtd is really painful for me but other women feel extra pleasure due to the excess of blood supply in your body. so for women it either really good or really painful. In the beginning climax came a lot quicker than usual for me because of hormones but now. They say that orgasms are really 10 x more pleasurable as well for pregnant women. YAY!

Hope i could help slightly

P.S how far along are you exactly?

[butterfly*kisses]

hi drbeee!

don't feel embaressed by asking such questions - if we can't help each other out as sisters in arms - well.....who do we turn to ??

A friend of mine also had a similar problem with her DH. He had a bit of a problem with 'hurting the baby' - although he knew it to be unlikely - it was still a problem.

For me - DTD was fabulous whilst pregnant - and my DH thought so too!

Personally I would suggest to you to look at buying some sexy lingerie, plan a surprise candlelit dinner and buy some nice Karma Sutra products. Perhaps you have tried spice-ing it up already ..... just a suggestion.

Do you have an adult shop nearby - most men do find it exciting when women are pro-active.

good luck!

[*becstar*]

Hi DrBee.....

Glad the ban was lifted for you, good news!

on to the topic at hand, I am having a similar situation myself. Although we haven't had all the issues you have, DH is really surprising me by not being interested in sex at all! As you know this is pg no. 3 for us and in both our other pregnancies we DTD right through, especially at this end of it in the hopes of getting things moving down there!

I have to admit this time I'm not really looking for it myself, I find with the other kids and being pg it's all just too tiring. I'm all up for a bit of a tease and the nice sexy text here and there but when it comes down to doing anything, it just doesn't happen. We did finally DTD the other night and for me it was uncomfortable. Didn't hurt but just didn't feel right. And DH admitted the same. He even said he could feel Bubbles moving around and it was a total turn off! So for us this is different, it's never felt like this before and we've never NOT done it like this before. I know this probably doesn't really help you much does it?

Maybe because you had to go through so much to get pregnant he is extra cautious of hurting bubs. Plus having a ban placed at all has probably scared him off! I can imagine after being on such a long ban you are nice and toey yourself and would like the intimacy of actually DTD, but maybe if you just start him off with some other stuff for you both to begin with. Just some touching, hand job, blow job (if you can manage!) and whatever he is happy to do for you other than intercourse. Maybe he might get so into it and realise what he's missing you will get to DTD after all

Best of luck!

xxx

[frankie]

Hey sweetheart,

Its me again sorry, I agree with becstar try doing other playful things that will get his mojo flowing. Like foreplay and stuff, sexy lingerie could definitely work if your feeling up to it.

I guess you could also try being spontaneous like hopping in the shower with him.

Im sure he'll come around eventually.

Good luck and try not to be too bummed out about it.

[Lily J]

Hi Drbee,
It was kinda the opposite for us in the first trimester - I was sick and didn't want to be touched.
But in the second (and third ) trimester I've been really 'keen' myself!!! I think my DH is glad to get some sleep!!!
It was a little strange at first - especially when I felt the baby move while we were DTD, but it's all good now.
I agree with Bec and Frankie - may try something special. I've found sharing baths good... but you'll know what works for you. There's no lingerie in the world that looks appealing on me right now, but I make the extra effort not to wear my husbands over-sized and stretchy shirts to bed!!!
And as for how it 'feels' - amazing! Well, for me at least. That's probably why I want to do it all the time even though I look like a beached whale!!!!
Good luck.
Lily
PS - liked the idea about the adult shop too... Might not be your thing... But if it is - might be worth spending a couple of dollars on something exciting!

[erinjacob]

he may just be worried an not want to tell you as he thinks it sound silly. my partner was the same but with the last i was 39 weeks an bubs head was so low you could feel it, my midwife told him if he didnt go to the room with me an have sex she would chop his will of she said the baby's head would move over for him, (it put me in labor) and he admitted after that it was the best ever. so just try and reassure him that its all ok.

[Nadine216]

TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK!!!!!!!
I think you need to have a sit-down and a chat. I am going through a sex-thing also and the more you talk, the better.
It may be that he is uncomfy with the idea that his baby is in you, but it sure as hell has nothing to do with him not fancying you
For me sex was ok during pregnancy. It was uncomfy sometimes and other times it was great, mind you I did not have a very large tummy.
I don't think it's weird that you want to have sex while pg, just to feel how it feels If that was the case, then all of mankind is weird for trying anything other than the missionary/doggy-style

So after talking about his fears (so to speak), get your "weirdo" :P a$$ in some sexy black lace and sit him down and flirt your way into his pants!!

Goodluck!!

[Marlene]

It sounds like your DH is just worried about hurting the baby (or you), I'm sure his reluctance has absolutely nothing to with him thinking you are not sexy. Maybe just start out with lots of foreplay, and I'm sure he won't be able to resist DTD, LOL.

The last couple of times my DH and I have DTD (I am 28 weeks) I have experienced extremely painful and uncomfortable braxton hicks contractions, so DH (and I) have decided to put a ban on DTD until we actually want the baby to come, LOL. It's just too painful and they last for a couple hours, so I end up getting no sleep. We have decided to just stick to doing "other things" till the baby is due.

[Buffykaz]

Maybe the stress of TTC and your other pregnancy problems have helped to make DH a little wary and uncomfortable, and you need to get the "spark" back? Instead of focusing on DTD, just try spending time together and being with each other in a loving way without the pressure of DTD hanging over your head. Then if you are both relaxed and calm and not under any pressure, DH might be more inclined to feel the urge to get jiggy with it.

[Mel09]

My DH was the same, once my belly was really there, he wouldn't come near me... when I was keen, I had to beg him for it and reassure him that the baby was fine... Now that we are due (almost!) its hard as in my belly gets in the way... doesn't hurt that much, but just awkward (sp)!!!

Good luck, try talking and telling him that bubs is fine and that you need some lovin when your feeling like an oven!

[Vixstar]

My poor DP comes in every morning and gives me a kiss before going to work and then indicates to my girly bits and says "I've get to get into this soon!" which I always reply with a half asleep grunt as if to say "No you won't"!

I am paranoid about sex atm as we did it the night my waters broke with DS#1 and that all I keep thinking - even though I have weeks to go.

What about...ahem....not sure how to put this....doing it yourself! IYKWIM??????

[widdly]

You are definately not a weirdo! I would guess that because of all the stress you and your OH have been under befoer and during this pregnancy, that he doesn't want to take any risks by DTD with you while your precious bub is in there.

Our 1st pregnancy ended in m/c and it took 14 stressful months to conceive DS. During the 1st trimester, DH absolutely refused to ahve sex with me cause he didn't want to risk losing the baby. I found it incredibly frustrating cause pregnancy hormones cause me to feel qutie amorous, and i new that DTD would pose no risk to the baby. However that it how he felt and i tried my best to respect that he was just trying to protect our bub.

I feel for you and can understand your want to experience DTD while pregnant. Have you tried finding some facts about how non risky DTD the deed is at this point and discussing them with him?? I think the only way to get him to relax and DTD is by talking about his feelings on the subject.

GL i hope he changes his mind

[LuluHB]

I was in the same sort of position as you with my last pregnancy - multiple losses followed by a low lying placenta so DTD was definitely off the agenda. When we were given the OK my DH was VERY reluctant initially - he was terrified something would happen and we had lost our previous baby the day after DTD so I think there was a bit of guilt somewhere too.

I agree with other comments - you must talk to your DP about this to see what is at the bottom of his feelings. My DH certainly wasn't put off by my pregnant body - the opposite if anything. I love the suggestion of sexy lingerie. I've just been trying to find something a bit sexy that will actually fit for Valentine's Day - LOTS of laughing involved!!

Seriously though, talk to your DP and find out what's going through his head. As for experiencing pregnant sex, I say go for it. I personally find it variable - sometimes its fantastic and other times not so much.

[drbeee]

Wow guys, THANKYOU so much for your honest and helpful answers....I was going to reply individually, but decided my poor brain couldnt cope so will give a general reply......

So heres what went down (as it were). I explained to DP that I really missed the intimacy of DTD, and that I really wanted us to get some nice intimate time behaind us before we start the whole, exhausted-with-no-sleep life of having a newborn. I made it into a bit of a joke, and tried to keep everything light and easy. I explained that i understood that he might not find me as attractive as usual, but that I LOVED my belly and it made me feel sensual and 'earth mothery' and that as such I really wanted to share that with him. I promised him that the baby woudlnt know or care, and that in fact an orgasm (mine not his ) would be good for him (the baby) as I read somewhere that the uterine contractions are like a massage for the bub! I even said we could get some porn if he wanted (I am not usually much into it) as long as it was 'tasteful'.

Anyhoo...bless his dear dear heart on valentines day he went to the adult shop...apparently they dont sell porn so he went to the seedy rental place down the road and got what must be the WORST porn film of all time....it was so bad we were cracking up. He also got me my two fave things....smiths plain salted crisps and cookies n cream Icecream... who wants jewellry We decided to have a crack at a bit of bedroom action, and that we wouldnt pressure ourselves into DTD if we didnt feel like it. Ended up having a very funny and romantic and sweet time. We DTD...it hurt a bit initially (probably after our long ban), but was all OK in the end, and amongst the giggles and laughter of trying to make our bits mesh (have a nearly 35 week belly) it was lovely. I am not sure if hes up for it again, but I love him for trying at all!

Guys, thankyou again for your support. I WAS feeling a bit like Ms Weirdy, and felt a bit odd asking the question at all, but you have reassured me enormously.

THANKS!!!!!

[Lily J]

Yaaayyy Drbee!!!!
All's well that ends well!!!
Good to hear that you're back in the saddle! No pun intended!!!
Have a great weekend!
LJ

[Mel09]

WOO HOO.... look out when you want to bring baby on... not that it has worked for us, but its a good excuse!!!

Well DOne!

[deancey]

So glad you talked it out with your partner and you both gave it a go.
I am the opposite, I enjoy sex more when I am preg. I find I O so quickly, I think its because everything is extra sensative.
ALtough it is a little awkward, and the heartburn in the middle isnt the best but I try and make an effort to DTD atleast once a week.
I think DH needs to know he wasnt just needed to get me UTD and I also need to feel sexy and desired.

Again, so glad you were able to DTD and good luck with future ones