thread: What is your greatest fear??

  1. #1
    Debbie Lee Guest

    What is your greatest fear??

    I thought I would post this topic as a chance for everyone to have a little vent about what they are most fearful of about pregnancy/labour/motherhood etc. Sometimes talking about it with others that had/have the same fears can put your mind at ease.

    For example, I have expressed a fear in the 3rd Trimester thread and people have really helped me out with it. It's a bit silly, but I am terrified of pooing during labour!
    I know in my head that it's normal, it happens to most people and the medical staff are so used to seeing stuff like that so they don't even batter an eyelid.
    Still, it was good to hear that a few of you have been through it, have pooed and managed to get over it!

    My other big fear is that I won't be listened to during labour. As some of you know, I have a history of still-births in the family. My great Nan had one, my Nan had one and my Mum had one (a little boy before me - and it was her first child). I have discussed it with my GP and the midwife at my first hospital visit but I am just worried that they won't intervene (c-section) as early as they should if things start going wrong iykwim? The fact that 3 generations have all experienced such a loss is a little overwhelming - even knowing that medicine and midwifery has come a long way!

    So, there you go... my biggest fears as far as labour is concerned.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Aug 2004

    Debbie, that is terrible for the women in your family. Do they know what caused any of the still births? I'm sure you will be fine, but I can understand it worrying you ya poor thing.

    I am just terrified of the whole thing in general. I am terrified especially after reading the caesar thread that i am going to have a nightmare of a time and somthing is going to go wrong, i dont know what, just something. i am scared of not being a good mother, not knowing what to do, or even worse doing something wrong that could harm our baby. i have so many fears.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    Probably my biggest when I was in labour was them sticking a needle in my back & making me paralysed!?
    I can't watch those Medical shows when they do stuff to eyes or backs!
    So I was afraid of an epidural & I already know I don't want one with this preg!

    As A Mother I am afraid of my daughter being hurt, when she is not with me, I never believe anyone will look after her the way I can!\

    Even last night she slept at my sisters, I called yesterday afternoon & then last night to tell her I love her & I called this morning & this afternoon & she is staying over another night & they are going to the Beach tomorrow, already I am worried they won't keep an eye on her properly! Although they have 2 of their own & have taken DD lot's with them....
    When she is not with me & I hear sirens etc, I panic!
    A;lso I probably smother her, I tell her I love her so many times, but my Parents would always say they loved us, still now I would sit on my Mum's lap! I ahve friends & their families are so distant & never say "I Love You" so I probably over do it!? If that's possible...

    I worry about when she is older etc too, but I guess I will just stick her in a post bag to bali then!!!! hee hee hee!

    PHEW! 8-[

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Jul 2004

    One of my fears was also pooing during labor. And it happened but i hardly noticed it. I was so fixed on just getting her out, i wasnt fussed over it and the midwives just cleaned it up when it happened.

    Another fear i had was any complications during labor and birth. Also that happened aswell. Lily had Shoulder Distocia, where her shoulders got stuck, which is a medical emergency. Sometimes they cant get the baby out and the baby and mother die, coz the heads already out and the shoulders are stuck, so they cant do a c-section. So i was very lucky to get her out, without an epidural mind you!

    A fear i have now is Lily growing up too fast, lol. Silly i know, but shes already over a month old, it's going way to fast LOL!

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    Pooing yes, a bit worried about it, but it's not a major thing for me.

    I am really worried about tearing and/or episiotomy. The thought of it just really really scares me.

  6. #6
    Debbie Lee Guest

    Wow... glad to hear that I am not the only one that is worried about some pretty serious issues.
    Min, the sad part is that they have no idea what caused the still births. I quizzed Mum about it before I had my first hospital appointment. On his death certificate, my brother was said to have died of inoxia (lack of oxygen). He was 2 weeks overdue and Mum was in labour with him for over 30 hours. She didn't have pre-eclampsia. Apparently there was meconium so they knew the baby was in distress. They also lost his heartbeat towards the end too. He also rolled over so his back was in line with Mum's back which is apparently a sign of exhaustion. There's so much detail to it, yet there isn't iykwim? Mum said she requested that an autopsy not be done so they didn't have any definitive answers as to why he died. Mum also says that when she was in labour with me, similar things happened but she was rushed in for an emergency c-section. My other 3 sisters were born by scheduled c-section after that. So, there you have it, a complete mystery. Mum says that the one thing she did differently when she was pregnant with my brother was that she was taking morning sickness medication in the first trimester with him. It was stuff that was later found to be harmful to the baby- causing miscarriage and still birth in some cases. We don't know if it was the cause of the still birth but it doesn't excuse the fact that the women 2 generations before Mum had also experienced a still-birth. It's all a little cooincidental. Mum says I just have to put my faith in the fact that pregnancies are monitored far better than what they were back then and so much more is known about the whole process. I will still be chatting to the midwife at my 36 week appointment about my birth plan and telling her point blank that I don't care what happens (c-section, epidural - whatever) to me so long as the baby comes out alive.

    I don't blame you about being terrified of the whole thing, Min - esp. when you hear lots of horror stories. I really don't think it is until you are in the thick of it that you can imagine going through so much. I guess we just have to grit our teeth, be brave and try as hard as we can to get through it hey?

    Barley, I know I am going to be exactly the same way when my little bubs comes into the world. As it is, I don't trust anyone else enough to look after my dog let alone my child, It's gotta be so hard to let go - especially with someone that is so very precious to you. It's certainly a mother's prerogative to worry, isn't it??
    A friend of mine who has a 6 month old was telling me how there is no way she can describe how much love she feels for her daughter. When she cries, she said it is heart-wrenching. She says her husband seems to handle the crying a lot better than her. He has a distance from her where he can let her cry for a little without jumping straight up and attending to her (within reason of course). I guess it is the difference between having carried the child and not (though I am sure this is not typical of all men - but ykwim??).

    Tegan - thanks for sharing about the pooing thing. I am less worried about it now that I know so many ladies on here have been there, done that. It's probably very insignificant when you are in so much pain anyway! It was very lucky that Lily came out safer and sound dispite the Shoulder Distocia. Without an epidural, that must have killed!
    I don't blame you for worrying about Lily growing up too fast. They do! They don't stay babies for long! That's why Little Nobba is going to be photographed and videoed with every little breath, . I don't want to miss a thing!

  7. #7
    Debbie Lee Guest

    Sarah - YES! I am worried about tearing too!
    The thing that worries me is that I know it's important to keep the stitches clean and dry. When you are a person of "large" proportions like me (fat legs, fat belly etc.), all the places where I could possibly end up with stitches don't get much air unless I lay sprawled out on the bed in front of a fan (yes... TMI but, hey, it has to be said!) so I am worried about infection after an episiotomy or c-section.

  8. #8
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Nov 2003

    Oh wow, there are so many things that I stress about! LOL. The main ones... well, atm I'm still terrified of m/c or stillbirth. Coming in close behind that would be the fear that Kynan will be born with a thyroid problem and/or a congenital heart block (because of my thyroid & antibody issues) and that they could cause some serious problems before, during, or after birth. And I guess the other main one is that I simply won't have what it takes to be a good mum.

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Aug 2004

    I'm choosing not to think too hard about m/c or stillbirth, because they are just too scary to deal with... I think apart from those the main things that scare me are having told DH I'd try to go through natural labour, and the idea of all the responsibility that goes with being a parent.

    Of course I'm still TTC, so I'm trying not to stress too much just yet!

  10. #10

    The thing that scared me the most was loosing the baby during the delivery, and it still does more so now considering we nearly lost Lachlan not that I probably ever be in a pregnant position again

    Nothing else really fears me now though having been thru epidurals, tearing and episiotomys. Oh Debbie with keeping the stitches clean I found one of those showers heads that you can move around etc that are on a big cord thing (kwim ??lol) are great for keeping the stitches clean, and the massage effect out of them is really helpful too.


  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jul 2004

    I agree with Kathryn on the shower head thingy. They're really great for getting into hard to reach places. Especially when you're just given birth and can't bend down very well.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member

    Nov 2004

    I have a fear of the cord being wrapped around the baby's neck during late pg and birth. I try not to think about it because I believe if you think enough about something it will happen.

    Have thought and was a little worried about pooing but plan to go before I get to hospital if I can. That is my way of trying to deal with it before it happens, not sure if it would work though.


  13. #13
    Registered User

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    I pooe'd!
    I was offere a bath as I was taking soooooo long!
    As soon as I hopped in the HOT bath I felt the urge to push, noone believed me, soon enough there was a tiny pooh & also blood in the water which freaked me out, so I climbed out & went back to the room, where they looked & sure enough I had gone from 3cm to 9cm in about 15 mins whilst getting to the bath in the bath & back again.....
    I could not have cared less! When the time comes you will realise that a little poo here & there is no big deal to the nurses or yourself! You would not have cared if it was in the middle of the Olympics ona wide screen all you care about is pushing, breathing & concentrating!!!

    One Tip I found really helped the pain, was as the head was crowning to put a sanitary napkin run under hot water as a compress against the 'chinese burn' feeling down there & WALA!!! no pain or stretching feelings!!!! Will be doing that again!!!!

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Aug 2004

    Tracey, woudn't that burn bubbas head?

  15. #15
    colleeg Guest

    I think my greatest fear is tearing, also getting an epidural i hate needles!
    but on top of that i think you must cope some how. We are built for this & have plenty of help out there(we hope)!


  16. #16
    Registered User

    Aug 2004

    yup, we are built for this, but if bloody Eve hadn'tve eaten that damn apple, it would be a hellova lot less painfull for us. I dunno, one person does the wrong thig, and we all have to suffer, sheesh!!!

  17. #17
    Debbie Lee Guest

    LOL Min!

    Thanks for the tip about the shower head too, Kathryn and Tegan. I will have to invest in one of those I think.

    Also, the sanitary pad under the hot water sounds like a good idea too, Barley. Considering we have to go to the hospital equipped with 5 million maternity pads, they are something that will be on-hand, I am sure! Thanks also for the reassurance about the poo issue. It's probably a silly thing to worry about in the grand scheme of things. I was just mortified the first time I heard that it can happen! Yet, if that's the worst thing that happens, I will be one lucky person!

  18. #18
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004
    South Burnett, QLD

    Very interesting thread! I have to say that until recently, I'd been feeling pretty positive and 'gung ho' about the whole pg, birth, and motherhood thing. All of a sudden though, I've had a major anxiety attack over it all - I hadn't realised there was so much to worry about until I started reading about 'what can go wrong'! I shouldn't do that to myself I know - call it morbid curiosity if you like!

    I think the show 'Judging Amy' last week really did it for me. To cut a long story short, one of the main characters ended up in a coma after the birth of her child.

    I'm afraid of anything that can potentialy harm or be fatal for my baby or myself - amniotic fluid embolism, postpartam haemorrhage, pulmonary embolism etc. etc.

    I know the odds are in my favour (these things happen about 12 in every 100 000), but I still can't help but worry about worst case scenario!

    I feel incredibly silly.

    I fear being vulnerable in general, and I think being pg has magnified that. I can't run very fast with a belly like this, and I won't drive too far on my own while pg 'just in case' something happened. I'm much more clingy with DH as a result.

    I fear gaining weight. That's just a thing with me. I spent the last 3 years or so trying to 'disappear' and now I'm more apparent than ever with my pg belly and extra maternal fat stores! I've managed to control myself from disastrous dieting during pg for the sake of my baby - but I fear going back to old habits once the baby is born. I'm hoping I won't have time to be neurotic!

    Anyhow...that's just me. What a scardy cat!