12 & 14 act like 5yr olds - how to discuss with mum

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

My mum, step dad and 2 brothers will be moving to Adelaide in the next week or so, i have had my 2 brothers here for a couple of days and notice their behavior more and more.
We (DP & I) have always noticed they act younger than they are for the following reasons:

1. They are hard to have a conversation with - they talk slowly, about things people are not interested in, forget what they were saying half way through and then start the conversation 30min later when you have no idea what they are talking about.

2. They are VERY affectionate towards each other and other people, they will lay on each others knees and rub their hair, they always kiss and cuddle everyone before bed (have started shaking guys hands now though), constantly trying to pick DD up and baby her when she sooks or comes near them.

3. They literally act like 5yr olds, were in the pool this morning and they were squealing and acting like little kids, even DD doesn't squeal like that in the pool.

4. You tell them to do something and if they are watching TV they are oblivious to the world, you have to near on yell at them to get their attention and even then they look at you blankly.

5. They hardly hang around kids their own age, they never GO OUT and hang with friends, they don't go to the movies or catch buses anywhere.

I am seriously worried they will move and someone is going to belt the crap out of them, they both play sport and have plenty of interaction with ppl but they hang with mums friends kids (always seem to be the feral clingy type, mum gives a lot and gets nothing in return).

I want to chat with mum and tell her she REALLY needs to let them do things for themselves, they need to go out and experience life and grow some balls (so to speak), spend less time relying on each other, mum and her friends and do something for themselves.

The 14yr old can basically get his L's when he moves, we told him this and thinking most young boys would LOVE that idea he went pale and looked petrified, i said he could have his licence by like 16 or whatever and have some freedom and he almost looked like he would cry!

Also just remembered while they have been here they sit and watch DD's cartoons and they are transfixed, i have to tell them to turn the TV off and go outside or do something else.. DD only watches telly til 10am (even then she's playing not watching) and then it's off and she plays inside or out.
I have had to tell them about 15times not to jump HARD on the tramp as it's not ours and has special springs for smaller kids.. this morn the oldest B jumped really hard and i spat it told them to get the F off it and their not going back on at all... i felt horrible but seriously how often do i have to tell them?
They play with DD's toys even when she's in bed and otherwise all they want to do is play the playstation all day.
We are on 10acres, not once have they asked to ride a motorbike or just gone out to explore the paddock, they could take the dogs for a walk, go on go-karts, chase lizards.. NO NOT INTERESTED!

By this age we were hardly ever home, doing things on our own and very independent... how can i bring this up with mum?
Sorry it's so long but it's really getting to me, my other step brothers are 8 & 6 and behave better in public and have better social skills.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

anyone?
Mum is coming tonight and am thinking we might need to chat.. they are driving me NUTS today.

[Ryatha]

I'm not a parent of teenagers but I am a high school teacher. The behaviours you are describing are quite unusual for their age. With what you have available at your house and they don't want to use it is pretty odd. When you speak to their mum, mention that at their age they things they should be doing. Maybe ask if anything was mentioned at their schoool as the teachers would have noticed their behaviour. I'm sorry I can't help with any more... good luck

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Thanks Ryatha.
The 14yr old does have some hearing issues which have been addressed but it still doesn't explain a lot of behavioral issues to me.

I mean most boys their age don't want to go near their brother let alone rest on them and pat their hair, they also don't want to kiss and hug mum/dad/family every morning and night before or after bed.

Maybe it's just because mum babies them, i don't know... i find it odd.

[Lulu]

It doesn't sound like they get out enough does it? Although I don't think it's weird they enjoy each others company, not all children fight and they may not have many options for friendship.

Can they ride motorbikes? Maybe they don't know how?

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

LuLu - they spend a lot of time at the football/cricket club but still choose mums company over kids their own age, they play a sport all year round they just don't seem interested in spending time with other people... it's kind of odd.

Regarding the motorbikes they know how to use them and the go-karts, they have used them before

I spend a lot of time defending them to my DP and just say it's not their fault they don't get out but the last couple of days i am not sure it's just that, we have given them so many opportunities to act their age or do more mature things and they still just sit around like 5yr olds.

I just don't know where to go with it, i have reminded them 5 times today to flush the toilet then before i go in and one of them hadn't put the seat up and managed to pee on the seat and the floor and didn't flush even after being reminded.
DD can't use the toilet and unless i managed to pee sideways and UP the bowl it wasn't me.
At their age these things should not be issues right?

I love them to bits but it's getting beyond a joke.

[Lolli]

Hmmm hun I dunno. Agreed, it sounds like they don't get out enough. But the fact that they are affectionate is quite nice, and not really a problem. The not listening thing just sounds like normal teenagers But on the whole, maybe they are just a different type of kid, iykwim? The quiet, sensitive type, not rough and tumble, and a bit immature for their age. Like I said, I agree it's not usual, but it's not neccassarily a problem.

If you really want to broach it with their mum, maybe say something like "Have you thought about karate/ soccer/cricket for the boys?" And go about it from there. She might not think these things are issues as much as you do...

Sorry if that's not want you want to hear hun. I do understand your concerns, but other people's kids are very sensitive ares to tread