12 & 14 act like 5yr olds - how to discuss with mum

[Ryatha]

I'm not a parent of teenagers but I am a high school teacher. The behaviours you are describing are quite unusual for their age. With what you have available at your house and they don't want to use it is pretty odd. When you speak to their mum, mention that at their age they things they should be doing. Maybe ask if anything was mentioned at their schoool as the teachers would have noticed their behaviour. I'm sorry I can't help with any more... good luck

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Thanks Ryatha.
The 14yr old does have some hearing issues which have been addressed but it still doesn't explain a lot of behavioral issues to me.

I mean most boys their age don't want to go near their brother let alone rest on them and pat their hair, they also don't want to kiss and hug mum/dad/family every morning and night before or after bed.

Maybe it's just because mum babies them, i don't know... i find it odd.

[Lulu]

It doesn't sound like they get out enough does it? Although I don't think it's weird they enjoy each others company, not all children fight and they may not have many options for friendship.

Can they ride motorbikes? Maybe they don't know how?

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

LuLu - they spend a lot of time at the football/cricket club but still choose mums company over kids their own age, they play a sport all year round they just don't seem interested in spending time with other people... it's kind of odd.

Regarding the motorbikes they know how to use them and the go-karts, they have used them before

I spend a lot of time defending them to my DP and just say it's not their fault they don't get out but the last couple of days i am not sure it's just that, we have given them so many opportunities to act their age or do more mature things and they still just sit around like 5yr olds.

I just don't know where to go with it, i have reminded them 5 times today to flush the toilet then before i go in and one of them hadn't put the seat up and managed to pee on the seat and the floor and didn't flush even after being reminded.
DD can't use the toilet and unless i managed to pee sideways and UP the bowl it wasn't me.
At their age these things should not be issues right?

I love them to bits but it's getting beyond a joke.

[Lolli]

Hmmm hun I dunno. Agreed, it sounds like they don't get out enough. But the fact that they are affectionate is quite nice, and not really a problem. The not listening thing just sounds like normal teenagers But on the whole, maybe they are just a different type of kid, iykwim? The quiet, sensitive type, not rough and tumble, and a bit immature for their age. Like I said, I agree it's not usual, but it's not neccassarily a problem.

If you really want to broach it with their mum, maybe say something like "Have you thought about karate/ soccer/cricket for the boys?" And go about it from there. She might not think these things are issues as much as you do...

Sorry if that's not want you want to hear hun. I do understand your concerns, but other people's kids are very sensitive ares to tread

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Thanks everyone.

I think my issues is they play sports, all year round, they have done cricket, football, soccer, karate you name it and yet there is still NO confidence what so ever.

Mum knows there are issues as i have asked before about the conversation skills, now it's getting a bit more.. i mean peeing on the seat at 12 & 14?
Will see what she says.. i love them to bits, they are my brothers and no matter what i know it's fine for them to be who they are and unique etc but i just want to make sure there are no other issues.

[Lulu]

Well what's your step dad like?

Boys need their dads so much at this age, they need someone to lead them. Does he participate in the sports too, take them motobike riding etc?

[Ryatha]

How did it go last night? Did you get a chance to talk to your mum about them?

It is a hard one to help with as some of their behaviours sound perfectly normal, but it sounds like you are most worried about their ability to be independent and their confidence. Maybe raise that with your mum and suggest they do somethings more independent of your her and your stepdad and of each other. Do they play all the sports together?