Am i a prude for thinking its inappropriate?

[Amity]

Susie O'Brien has a blog on today about Deborah Hutton (she's 50) doing a full frontal nude photo shoot for Women's Weekly (or some similar). The blog is all about how we should be comfortable in our own bodies and not worry about photoshopping photos etc.

Certainly teens these days wear different things from what I did. The whole Goth scene was something different - I don't recall that being around when I was younger (or, more probably, I didn't move in circles where that was acceptable).

On the whole, I think your attitude reflects your upbringing. I was brought up in an upper-middle-class suburb, went to top-notch private schools and then onto law at university. It's a fairly sheltered upbringing. My attitude to dress is well in accordance with my upbringing.

If I had a different upbringing, then I would probably have a different attitude.

[Maruschke]

I saw her nude shot. She looks great for her age. She managed to pose without being provocative. It was well done I think .

[Marley&Me]

Totally agree.

Young girls these days are wearing next to nothing and it's sending the wrong message. And I am by far a prude!

[Ms_Fi]

We make my almost 14 year old do the bend over test before she goes out ( as in if we can see bum cheek when she bends over the shorts / skirt are too short to be worn out in public) and so far we've only had one argument about how I'm being mean and unfair.

If her older brother had his way she'd never leave the house with any skin showing as he gets really stressed out with some of her clothes. Mostly she's a boho mess but sometimes she pulls it together to look good!!

DD2 is growing so quickly that she always wears boarded under her dresses otherwise she ends up flashing her knickers within 2 weeks of owning something new.

[mummame]

hmmmmm rewind 20 years...how many times did I go out of the house wearing what my parents thought was respectable, to only change at my friends house or roll the top of my skirt up so it was hell short???? My daughter is just 6, but the height of a 10 year old. We have to buy her clothes in the pre teens section. No pretty lacy dresses for my daughter, up the bum cut off shorts are all that are available.

[Livinthedream]

I have no problem with nudity per se.
I do have an issue with the sexualisation of children/teens or any one for that matter (strippers etc).
So I see nothing wrong with someone skinny dipping, but I dislike micro skirts/shorts and extreme push up bras and see through tops.
To me the whole point of wearing clothes like that is tantalise/tease people.
Why would you want to do that to strangers?

[nickle730]

My nieces are 12 and 13. Compared to some of their friends they dress conservatively! However, they both wear shorts which in my opinion are far too brief to be worn in public. Seriously, if your arse is hanging out the bottom, they're too short!! My 13 year old niece in particular looks far older than her age. She is very tall (dad is 6ft 8in!) and well developed. I have seen the way grown men look at her. The attention she receives, even when dressed 'appropriately' is already of an openly sexual nature. I don't believe she is aware of the attention she is getting, although she looks very mature she is not particularly mature in her personality. My concern is... she and her sister and their friends are wearing clothing which attracts attention and invites men to peer at their body. But at 12, 13, 14.... they are not yet mature enough to deal with, or to even understand the nature of the attention they are garnering. A recipe for disaster in my opinion! The clothing (tiny shorts, tops with bras on display) suggests a sexual maturity which these girls don't, and shouldn't, yet possess.

I am certainly not suggesting that a woman who dresses provocatively is 'asking for it'. The idea of blaming a woman for sexual assault because of her clothing appalls me. But I do think that we, as mothers, should protect our children form an adult idea which they simply don't understand, or which they may believe they can control but which we know they can't.

I have spoken to my sister about the clothing my nieces wear (ah, yes... the padded bra my 12 year old niece wears under skimpy singlet tops! WTF??). But she fails to see a problem and tells me that this is what they like to wear and what all their friends wear. I have also spoken to my nieces about their clothing choices, but they simply tell me that they like it and it's comfortable.

Coincidentally, yesterday I was discussing the issue of short shorts with a girlfriend who came over for a swim. We both have 8 year old DD's and both were wearing short board shorts with their rashies. When do short shorts become inappropriate? At what age? I think they are fine for any age at the beach or the pool, but I have taken my DD to the supermarket in hers. Neither of our girls is developing and they are both quite small for age, but we had both reached the point of considering whether those board shorts are appropriate away from the beach or the pool. When do you think they are no longer appropriate?

And do they then become ok again at a later age? Because honestly, I have no problem with a woman in her 20's wearing short shorts or skimpy clothing. She is mature enough to know and understand her own sexuality and sexual attention and if she chooses to dress in a skimpy way... well, all good for her! So , do you think skimpy clothes are ok on girls/women who have reached maturity?

[Marley&Me]

And do they then become ok again at a later age? Because honestly, I have no problem with a woman in her 20's wearing short shorts or skimpy clothing. She is mature enough to know and understand her own sexuality and sexual attention and if she chooses to dress in a skimpy way... well, all good for her! So , do you think skimpy clothes are ok on girls/women who have reached maturity?

Yes, women in their 20's + can dress how they want BUT, I think it is setting a bad example for younger girls. I have a few short skirts for the summer and a couple of minor cleavage tops, but some of the things I see getting around these days. Seriously, is it really necessary??

[Saffy]

nickle- you have to laugh at young girls saying the clothes are comfortable- as if shorts going up your crack constantly is comfortable!!

I remember many, many moons ago tottering around in short shorts and massive platforms thinking I was the ants pants- I'm sure if questioned i would have said that was comfortable too

[*LittleMissSummer*]

When do you think they are no longer appropriate?

And do they then become ok again at a later age?

So , do you think skimpy clothes are ok on girls/women who have reached maturity?

IMO they are swim wear so i think they are always appropriate, you see little girls wearing just bathers. However bikinis for little girls is ridiculous and not necessary!

My BFF used to dress very skimpy in school, she wore very short skirts and little tops. She is now 24 and is horrified and embarassed at the outfits she wore. She agrees that she was immature and wore the clothes for attention. I feel that alot of teenage girls are like this.

Honestly, when i see a 20 something year old wearing skimpy clothes i don't think anything, actually no i mostly think "oh i hate her she looks awesome i wish i could pull that off" They walk with that confidence in themselves where as teenage girls they walk around wanting boys to look at them.

Saffy - I just laughed at your post i often see girls picking their shorts out of their butts! And the girls who have bigger thighs are more likely to have them ride! How is that comfy! I wear short shorts around the house and thats as far as ill go as i have horribley white legs!

[fionas]

I'm a hypocrite.

I used to wear thigh-skimming skirts in my late teens, the shorter the better and that was seen as very risque at the time. We're talking late 80s here. It wasn't to garner sexual attention, it was to rebel. If I'd wanted male attention, I would have grown my hair beyond the number 2 cut I had at the time

At the time, I was in the minority hence why I'm calling it rebellion.

I don't see skimpy clothes these days as rebellion, I see them as mainstream - just like tattoos used to be a rebellious statement and now is mainstream. I also think that they are part of the sexualisation of children. Hanging around my teenage DSD and her friends was eye-openingly appalling. A very large topic of conversation for them would be who was pretty, who was not, who was hot, who was not. Nauseating. If there's anything that makes me feel like an old fart, it's music videos. SO overtly sexual. Compare them to vids from the 80s/90s - the latter are so tame by comparison.

So yeah, in my best Little Britain voice, "don't like it."

[nickle730]

Rouge, I agree with much that you say. And I certainly don't excuse men who can't control their sexual impulses. But I do recognise that we live in a society which has sexualised butts and boobs. Should men be able to control their impulses? Absolutely! But if they all did, there would be no sexual assaults or molestations and sadly that is not the case. And so knowing this, don't we have a responsibility to put our daughter's at least risk by ensuring they dress in a manner that doesn't suggest that they are more sexually mature than they are?

As for the pot and the kettle... I think a mature woman who understands her own sexuality and the sexualisation of the female body who chooses to dress in clothes which show her body... well, I think that is her choice. A woman in her twenties will more likely understand the sexual nature of the attention skimpy clothing may bring her and will more likely be able to recognise and deal with it. Honestly, if one of those men who ogled my niece approached her, she would have no idea how to respond. She probably (hopefully!) wouldn't recognise a sexually suggestive come on, particularly from someone older than a teenaged boy. I worry that if a man approached her somewhere public and with people around, she would feel the need to be polite to an adult and messages would become rather twisted and confused!

I know that every generation has been the same, that teenaged girls have always been eager to grow up. But as the mother of two girls and the aunt of two more, I want them to be safe and to enjoy their childhood for as long as possible (yes, like every generation of parent's before me!).

ETA Yes, fionas, I DON'T LIKE IT!!!

[NaeNae]

I've not read all the posts, just going by the first few ...

I think when you reach certain points in your life your attitude adjusts.

When I was 16+ I was super fit and had an amazingly sculpted body, abs to boot, toned arms, great legs and I proudly wore clothes that revealed my physique. I didn't care if people made judgements, I looked good so I wore what I wanted because I could and most of those who judged me, frankly, couldn't measure up! I wore the same types of clothes until my body "softened"

When I look at teens today, my first reaction is prudish "geez love put some clothes on" then I remember that I did the same at that age.

Now my upbringing was sheltered, my parents were super strict ... BUT they supplied me the clothes, I didn't work as a teen. When I did start working I learnt the hard way about appropriate dressing.

I think the kids dressing like mini tramps is terrible but its the parents who buy the clothes for the younger ones, you can hardly blame unemployed tweens for their fashion sense!

Older teens , well I think its part and parcel of their exploring their youthfulness and sexuality. I don't agree with it but who am I to judge when I did the same.

oh yeah

nudity and sexualness (is that a word) should be seen as two different things

Nae x x

[AnyDream]

This is an area that I often have a bit of an internal debate about, in regards to my own teenage daughter. At what point does her need for self expression and autonomy cancel out my need to impose my moral or cultural sensitivities onto her? Is it an age based thing? Does it depend on her maturity - and what is maturity anyway? I suspect a lot of what happens during the decade between 10 and 20 is about removing "parent" as the main frame of reference and substituting "society/peers/social mores" as that reference point. Hence the need to adopt the "uniform" of one's peers (learning about social acceptability) or your own "unique" dress sense (learning about individuation away from the group) rather than what your mum thinks you should be wearing.

I also think we do girls a disservice when we see skimpy clothing and straight away assume it's about "flaunting" or sexuality. It may be about dressing in a way that is acceptable to her group of friends, or it may even be an asexual act of power ("I'll dress however I ****ing want to, thanks"). Really, it's not fair (and has never been fair) that boys/men can strip to the waist when the weather is hot but as girls/women we are supposed to keep our lust-inducing flesh carefully behind a screen of clothing. WTF is that about?

BUT by the same token, girls/young women wearing skimpy clothing *has* been sexualised in recent times to a much greater degree than in the past - in advertising, in music videos, online, on the telly, etc. To a certain degree this inculturates or invites boys/young men to adopt a more objectified (and even predatory) view of women, and in some social circles more so than others (I'm thinking now of some of the choicer conversations overheard in a military setting). It's specifically those individuals (rather than every male on the planet) whose gaze I'm interested in shielding my teenaged daughter from. Not because she's not entitled to flaunt her emerging sexuality in ways that she feels comfortable with (because she is), but because she's not yet armed to deal with the reality of sexual objectification.

AND finally, let's not forget that young women are still subject to a whole load of pressure to meet various cultural ideals, whether it's a certain degree of hairlessness, or a certain degree of not-arguing-back-ness, or a certain level of attractiveness, and mashed up in there still, all these years down the track, is the one about "nice girls" being the ones you want to take home to mum and dad. And "nice" girls don't dress a certain way, do they?? I can't blame any young woman for wanting to bust out of that, but I also don't want anyone judging my daughter badly over an extra inch of flesh.

[MummaBee]

doesnt bother me at all and i would call you a prude but from reading the other replies i can see im the odd one out

[Traveller]

I must be in a very modest town but I have never seen any young girls walking around with nipples showing or bum cheeks hanging below their shorts. Short shorts and see through tops with pretty bras underneath don't bother me in the slightest though, although on very young girls I do sometimes wish they were in clothes more suitable for playing and less suitable for posing but that's just me. I wore see through dresses at 16, that was just the fashion then, so I can't judge young girls these days.

[Ilithyia]

I think its hard to blame a fashion craze on an individual.

Its not one particular girl wearing these clothes in attempt to be sexually promiscious - it just so happens to be the fashion at the moment.

Don't get me wrong, I'm somtimes disgusted in what I see some of the girls of today wearing but like I said, its not just one particular girl, its a very large majority of them.

In terms of parenting our Daughters to have self respect etc... I'm sure that most of the parents of these girls once had thoughts exactly the same as what most of you are having now. But I guess you have to look at it in terms of your Daughters growth as a teenager. We all wanted to have what was current be it nike shoes, mobile phone or the current fashion clothes.

All we do hope and pray that this current fashion craze is dead, gone and BURIED by the time our Daughters are tweens/teenagers