How Do I Balance My Needs With DSD's?

[Maruschke]

Can you pick a school half way between the two locations? (sorry i dont know the geography)

Let her know she might need to change schools otherwise, and let her make a decision based on that. Good luck with it all!

[fionas]

I love your thinking oscaroscar but I don't think it will work in this case - opposite ends of the city so the CBD would be the centrepoint but I think we'd have catchment issues to contend with (even if there are any public schools in the city).

But I like the way your mind works!

[AnyDream]

Could she wait until the US summer hols and then move over? Have you asked how she would feel about that?

Otherwise, I'd suggest shopping for a good school in the area where you are hoping to move to. Then if she starts at that school (even if she has to bus/tram for a few months) then it's an impetus to get the house finished and the moving plans underway! kwim?

She's 15 and willing to uproot enough to change countries, the school thing is just another little bit of instability in amongst other big instabilities. Of course it's offset by being a (hopefully) more harmonious home environment, and all the benefits that flow from that. To put it in perspective I left home and earnt my own living at age 16 then put myself through uni, I'm sure she can handle a bit of to and fro-ing on the bus or a school change!

You could even present her with some options and see which she prefers, eg option a) move out at Christmas and change schools mid year, option b) move out here mid year and start new school then, or option c) move out at Christmas and commute to school until you have moved. You might be surprised at what she picks when faced with that choice.

I don't think you should just decide to not move for the sake of DSD. It's too important for your wellbeing. This is one of those times where you need to put yourself up near the top of the priority list, kwim?

[fionas]

Thanks so much Marydean - presenting her with the options is the most sensible thing to do.

DP had a chat with her today. I thought she may be put out that she wouldn't be going to the same school as she had been the last time she was here for 8 months.

BUT, she's all FOR moving to Yarraville saying "I was a bit over Northcote anyway" ... ahhh the fickleness of teenagers!

Then she started househunting online for us!

So feel much better now and not the most selfish stepmum in the world.

Thanks again for your post - it made SO much sense.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Glad it has all worked out, Fiona, and hope you're all very happy together in Yarraville.

[Janie]

Sounds like you have a good relationship, that's great Fiona. Hope you enjoy Yarraville, it's cool there! (Mind you, I think Northcote is cool too LOL).

[Lulu]

Oh fark, teens make me laugh!!!

Look in the scale of things, I think you and DH come first cos without you there is no family kwim?

At least she knows the score, she might have to move schools and she seems fine with it.

Where is the sage advice of the Post It note when you need it hun??????

[fionas]

I tell ya what though, I still feel guilty because I don't think we'd be doing the right thing by her ie. making her go to a different school than last time. Great, that she's cool about it but still not the right thing to do.

Then I got a bit of a grip and started browsing houses and got excited all over again! Found somewhere that would be PERFECT if we were ready to move now.