Oh Gee .. your post brings tears to my eyes to you and your niece.

I know what its like from both sides ... unfortunately ... This is going to sound horrible, however, my mum uses my abusive x to 'put me in my place' so to speak - but I have learned to use it back at her - she was & still is in an abusive relationship (not my father) 25 years later. Sad really.

I hope with your neice's situation she doesnt fall into the cycle like i did ...

I would recommend you try to strengthen the relationship with your neice without pushing too far itms? Let her know upfront tho - that you will be there for her if she needs to talk or needs a shoulder to cry on, or talk about anything at all that is bothering her.

I often felt quite angry as a teenager and would often think about how good it would feel to beat him up for what he had done to my mum - obviously never happened tho .. maybe let your neice know that its okay to be angry, hurt, upset, confused, scared. It is NOT ok for abuse to happen. She may even feel she is to blame? Maybe gently reassure her it is not her fault? Perhaps let her know its ok for her to feel all of the above and she doesn't have to forgive him EVER! if she doesnt feel like it!

I wish I had aunties who cared enough about me to want to help me as a teen. Unfortunately, abuse was and still is alive in my family (hence the reason i dont have anything to do with them)

Perhaps you can offer her a night at your place once a month or whenever she feels up to it and the 2 of you can veg out and watch movies have a girly night when the kids have gone to bed?

Sorry for the ramble, just thinking of what might help?

for your neice tho - this is such a tender age!