Little ones - I completely get what you are saying, and I truely think you are in the hardest position. As ideal as it might be to want your neice to forgive, I don't think it is something that can be expected or encouraged, without risk of causing her to feel undue pressure. Hopefully she will come to this in her own time, but forgiveness is a process and it sounds like she still has alot of angry and hurt to deal with before she can reach it. She should not feel like she 'has' to or 'should' forgive him.

I think when people talk about forgiving someone, that really mean acceptance. I cannot 'forgive' some things that have happened in my life. But I have learnt acceptance of them and am now a peace with them. But it is a long process. And it does not nessecarily means forgiving someone who abused their position or trust. It does mean accepting that that person is what they are and things happened as they did, and letting go of the anger and hurt and betrayal to move forward with their lives. I don't think there really is anything anyone else can do to help a person through this process, other then being there when they are needed and giving unconditional love and support. It is an internal struggle that will only be resolved when she feels ready.

At the moment she is still on guard and defensive. Because he is still in the picture this is unlikely to change. How can she relax enough to reach acceptance when the cause for fear is still there. He may not be living with them or having much interaction, but he is still there in the background, and may possibly return at any time. This has got to scare her, it is like a timebomb that might go off at any moment, and she has no control over any of it. Something that was clearly demonstrated to her when she rang the police and they refused to belive her. She lives in fear that he might beat her mum up again at any time, that maby he will once again move back into the house, that maybe one day he might beat her or one of her siblings. It doesn't matter if this is actually likely or not, This is her reality.