thanks amali, it helps to have feedback from someone who's been there. I'm so worried about scaring her away and making her lose any trust she might have in me. There was lots of verbal abuse and he made it clear that he didn't want her kids to be there (the two girls lived there). On one occasion he beat up his own 5 yr old son and when my sis talked to his mother, she said it wasn't the first time etc. but refused to do anything about it. I can't report it myself because I wasn't there and did not even see evidence of it (I never used to see his son more than once a blue moon). She has a whole world of reason to hate the guy, I guess I just want to somehow show her that it won't help her to hate him, it will only help her to ignore him as much as possible. Usually she does that but she's always been really close to her mum so this has shattered her to the core.

It i a tragedy that your mum is still in such an abusive relationship after so many years. Even more so that you had to jump in there pregnant to try and break things up. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and for your advice. I really appreciate it. All the best with the last few weeks of your pg and I hope your little princess has as beautiful a heart as you do

naenae -I don't understand why people will stay in such awful relationships for so long. Though I suppose my sis was with her first husband for 16 years and he beat her up numerous times including breaking cheek bones etc. And he wasn't an alcoholic. He was just a really angry man. There was never the excuse of substance abuse to cover his abuse. I love your idea of inviting her over to stay. I think she might go for that as a means to get away and have some space away from it all. When she stays at her dads house, the place is so small that her and her other sis have to share a bedroom with him. It's all above board and not bad etc. just a small house and they are hardly there so it was the only option. I spoke this evening with my other sis (there are three of us - I'm the youngest, the one with the kids is the oldest) and she reckons the same, take her out shopping or something, buy her lunch chat if she wants to hang out and have fun if that's all she wants to do etc. No pressure.

Thank you so much, both of you, for your willingness to share some really hard things you've been through and continue to go through. I wish you both happiness and peace and will let you know how I go! thank you a million times!