All I can think is that I completely agree with your neice's stance on this issue. She should not have to have anything to do with that man - regardless of how her mother may feel about him. And from her perspective, it must feel in some ways like her mother is choosing him over her own kids, just in the fact that she is choosing to continue the relationship. All the bad messages that she is learning from her mother (regardless of the mothers intent) - that the step father is more important then the children, that it is ok for a man to beat up his wife, that it is something that can be forgiven. It is tough enough being a teenager and learning to deal with the world and going through all the usual issues regarding self worth and self confidence, without having to deal with this too. It is heartbreaking.

As much as you love your sister, I think your neice needs to know that their is someone who will ALWAYS take her side, unconditionally. I don't think she is getting this from her mother, and your attempts to pacify everyone just reinforce the idea that it is OK to ignore what happened and pretend things are different then they are.



I know you are put in a really tough decision here, but I think you need to talk to your neice and make a decision that she will come first - even before your sister - and ask her what she wants and expects from you and then make sure you follow through. Your sister is an adult. Your neice is a child. As sad as your sisters situation is, she is making the choice to be in that situation. Your neice has very little choice in the matter. And IMO, a childs needs ALWAYS take preference and priority over that of an adults.

I understand not wanting to alienate your sister, but your acceptance of her husband, when your neice clearly does not accept him in this situation, is sending the message that his behaviour was OK and forgivable. It is not like we are talking that your neice simply doesn't like the guy, He beat up her mother!

I hope I haven't been to harsh, I am not trying to critise you at all, I just don't think the approach you have taken is what this girl needs.