Sadly, it sounds like your sis just cant seem to let go for whatever reason, fear, embarrassment etc and as amali said - the whole family will require counselling to deal with what has happened. This is probably the first thing to do - i am surprised counselling hasnt been offered?

Sadly, I do not believe abuser's can change. The beatings only get worse, there is always an apology and always an excuse for why it happened. And its always someone else's fault, not their own.

Your sister need's to stay away from this man, and so do the children. That may sound harsh however this is my opinion, and I am not your sister (it took me 7 years to leave an extremely abusive relationship)

On the subject of forgiveness, I would like to point out your niece will not only (hopefully one day) try to forgive your BIL but also her mother. I often struggle to comprehend why my mother LET it happen so many times, why *I* had to be the protector of my younger siblings etc. I wonder if your sister realises this? I am almost 27 and still have not forgiven either one of them. I often still get upset at what I seen and then get angry - not looking for any sympathy/pity here - just wanting to point out a few things for you

Is your sister aware of how her daughter feels about this man? Have you spoken to your sis about why she is still seeing this man? I know it is difficult to leave an abusive relationship, as we dont know what type of 'hold' he has on her. Perhaps financial? Perhaps she is better off looking for another job to cut ties with him also?

I would also like to point out - Your sis being upset about her DD not wanting the Abuser to be at an Xmas lunch/dinner I feel she needs to be more supportive of her daughter in dealing with her emotions about what happened. Does she expect your neice to brush her feelings under the carpet? It might be an idea to point this out to her, in a caring aunt type of way Or your sister may risk losing contact with her own daughter. Personally, I left home at 15, didnt have any contact with my family for a few years & rarely see them today.

I do feel for your family going through this - but there seems to be a bit of a pattern here - 1st partner was abusive also?

Of course you dont have to come back and answer any of these questions - I am just writing what I am thinking.