Should I let her stay over???

[[M]umma[M]ia]

Not trying to defend it, but isn't sex at 16 legal, healthy and normal? I wouldn't have gotten drunk at 16 but i had a LOT of sex.

Bx

yes in the eyes of the law it is illegal. The person that u are having sex with is to be no more than 2 years difference and meant to have parents consent. If the person is over 18 they are still classed as having sex with a minor. Its a touchy subject. I was told this by heaps of cops and to me it makes alot of sense. But really no one can get in trouble unless the parents want to have the other person charged.
this is all well and good but i was also told that its now 17 y/o where there law considers u as an adult. Weird huh...
That being said.. i was having alot of sex at 16 too..

[Lulu]

Oh man Hoobley - did you hear my thoughts?? I was turning this over and over in my mind last night.
It's not gone off topic at all, its evolved and is actually quite relevant.

To clarify - I was a very Wild Child, so DEF I am going of my own drunken experiences as a teen.
It is the assault side of things that worry me. If she has her guard down through drink and there is no DECENT adult supervision, she could be in danger. She hasn't learnt to look for those signs yet (imho),although this weekends experience has been good.
She tells Dp more than me ( i obviously am given the 'vanilla' version)....anyhoo it turns out the very drunk girl was constantly being hit on and groped by the boys there. Now I've met many of her friends, so I know these boys. Lesson: yes they may be polite to my face but I dont know what they get up to usually.

In any case - the sex *sigh*.
So her boyfriend N has been around for awhile now. Anyone remember my thread months ago? Well its the same one and....well...he makes DD smile, he does care about her, so if he gonna be the one (I gotta face it, she's 16), I'd rather it not be some half-arsed fumble under a grotty doona on the floor.
I have spoken to her about sex etc, I've also explained the need for trust and respect to be part of the process. She has watched her friends 'hook up' pretty randomly and she isnt too impressed.

SO, I have decided to turn my back office into den for Belle and her friends. It can be hard for them to hang out here because the little ones think its Xmas and jump all over them. The telly and the stereo out there, and beanbags and stuff. I am still hammering out the 'rules' (help me on this one girls), but I would like this to be an ok place to hang out for them. There will be no drinking/smoking allowed, its not gonna be a party place, and it will be a privilege she can work for....

My head hurts....

[Phteven]

I think it's a fair rule that she has to keep it reasonably clean herself.

[AngelPunks]

can I have u as a mum

one thing that my mum used to do with me was not give me a curfue but to let me ring her from a party when i was ready to leave, she used to sleep on the lounge waiting for my call. All my friends thought it rocked, that I could go home at whatever time I wanted, a lot of the time watching my friends write themselves off used to bore me and I'd ring mum to pick me up about the same time as those friends with curfues.

I was allowed to drink at home - but a lot of that was my upbringing - Dad was Polish so I had a European upbringing with alcohol being a normal part of life.

[kirsty_lee]

hahah punkin i was thinking the same thing

can I have u as a mum

[Astrid]

Great idea Lulu. Definately lay down some rules. I remember as a teenager most of our parents in my circle of friends were quite trusting of us. Simply we followed the rules of the house, cleaned up after ourselves and tended to be with the same friends for parties. Having a party or going to one was never a problem.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

The rules when I was a teenager were...

No curfew, just when I could drive a phone call screaming "where are you, why aren't you home?" (after asking for a time to be in and being told "I don't mind, whenever.")

Friends could come round whenever and GIRLS could stay over, no questions asked. My little sis could have boyfriends stay over from about 14.

I could call my mother from about 12-13 and tell her I was staying out, no I didn't need anything bringing, that was fine. No checking up or even asking where I was. Which is good because it was usually at a boy's house!

The one time I did stay over after a mixed party with alcohol it was at a girl's house and my mother decided to scream down the phone that I was lying and she knew I was going to go to my boyf's house and have sex... OK, I was 19, but no I wasn't doing that!

We didn't have any clearing up rules, but I did it anyway. Of course I missed something and was very rude, lazy and ungrateful because I never did anything. Every other mother thought we were great for our level of cleanliness after our parties!

The rules I would have liked would have been

A loose curfew (as many of the others have suggested).
Being asked where I was.
Knowing what level of "tidy" was appropriate.
Not screaming at me that I was having sex and lying when I said otherwise.
TV off by X time (not told off next day that it was "disappointing" we were watching films at 3am).
Whatever age boys can stay over at have it the same for when the others hit that age. Don't say that it's OK for one at 14 but not another at 16, or 17, 18 or 21... or in fact until less than a year before her wedding.

HTH.