Not trying to defend it, but isn't sex at 16 legal, healthy and normal? I wouldn't have gotten drunk at 16 but i had a LOT of sex.Boys sleeping over (no one bother trying to defend THAT, we all know what drunk, horny teenagers do without parentals around. No exceptions!).
Bx
Registered User
I can't agree that it's healthy and normal for all 16 year olds. It might be okay for some, but for others, not a good idea. Depends on the kid, depends on the circumstances.
Administrator
Hmmm I do agree bec, but if I can avoid it like hell I will! LOL! I know thats total hypocrisy but Paris will never have to live the teen years I did. And I'd rather Paris had consensual relations with a person in a right environment not at some party with a drunken idiot LOL!
Luce ikwym about it all being relative. I feel the same way. Being in an environment that is setup to get smashed is totally different to a casual drink with responsible adults.
I agree that drunken at a party isn't good, but if you can go to the party and not drink can you go to the party and not have sex? Or is it a rape worry? That's what i'd be more concerned about, that she would be raped by a drunk guy, but then if she were sober i'd be less worried. I suppose the best answer (and the one you found) was for her to NOT be in the situation. I'm pretty shocked that a parent let that sort of thing go on in her home - my parents let me drink at a barbeque (which was spread across all the gardens of us and our 8 neighbours) but they mixed my drinks for me and kept a close watch on how i was, and would NEVER have supplied alcohol to another persons' child.
My (completely theoretical because DD is 2!) plan is to meet my kids partners, talk to them all about sex and, when they feel they're ready, let them have sex in the house. I never want my daughters to go through what i did - not allowed to be alone with my boyfriend in my own house i went to his and was brutally raped in a place where i knew no-one and didn't even know where the phone was. Having sex safely will be my priority, over not having sex, if that makes sense.
Sorry Lulu, i've gotten o/t!
Bx
Administrator
Yeah I agree totally and thats my plan too
Registered User
When I was just 16 I met my DH. We knew each other for 6 months before we got together & were together for another 3 months before we slept together. We actually stayed over at each other's houses two or three times before we slept together.
So I was nearly 17 before I lost my virginity - even though my mum suggested I get a pap smear when I was 13. WTF?? She obviously thought alot of me. Considering I never went anywhere after dark, & very rarely went anywhere alone any other time coz I was too shy.
When I was 14 I had my first experience with alcohol. I was staying away from home with a friend who'd moved away & her parents. On NYE we were allowed a few drinks. I think I might've had 3. The adults gave us tall glasses & we weren't smart enough to realise that it was so there was only a minimal abount of alcohol in the drink. Too much for the alcohol to have much affect.
We tried to push it - my friend sent me for the drinks after we were told to stop thinking they wouldn't say anything to me (they did!)
My next time after that mum got me a small bottle of Jim Beam to share between 4 friends. It worked out there was not enough once shared out to get us drunk. Just a bit happy. This was my 16th & the night I met DH.
Then at my deb a few months later I was allowed a couple of Bacardi Breezers. Maybe 2. & maybe 2 or 3 more drinks at the after party which was at my parents house & about 6 hours after my drinks at the deb.
The first time I actually got drunk I was 17 & it was with DH at the local pub. I was very drunk, but still wasn't to the point of memory loss, or falling over.
I did this maybe twice when I decided I didn't like the feeling. I drink to get happy & have fun. Not lose control. I hate the feeling of being out of control. Even on a big night out, as soon as I start to get that feeling I slow right down, or even stop drinking.
I do love to get out, drink & be idiots & have a good time - hasn't happened for well over a year! But I prefer to watch others make fools of them selves.
OK. Now that I've gone on & on. I made the decisions I made with NO trust from my parents
& not the best relationship with either of them.
I couldn't talk to my mum about anything. I didn't even tell them about my first 2 boyf's coz I wasn't comfortable enough.
My plan is just to make sure my kids can talk to me about anything. Drinking, boys, sex, smoking. Any & all of it. Thats all I want.
I will try to drill it into them not to have sex til THEY are ready, but I don't expect them to be saints. Most of my friends were around 12 when they lost their virginity. I just hope to get them past 16.
I still do think that 16 year olds are WAY too young for a sexual relationship, but I'm going to have to just accept that thats life & get on with it.
As I said, the most important thing to me is my relationship with them. & the knowledge that they can say no. They don't need to do what their peers do to be accepted. I didn't.
Sorry that was so long.
Yeah, i've been to ALOT of parties, but never have been mixed sleep overs or sleep overs at all for that matter it was pretty much make your way home when you were told iywkim. I definately know what drunk teenagers are like LOL espeically boys.. little turds. And I get what you mean too Rosehip.. i'm just talking about from my generation and the observations i made ...
Registered User
yes in the eyes of the law it is illegal. The person that u are having sex with is to be no more than 2 years difference and meant to have parents consent. If the person is over 18 they are still classed as having sex with a minor. Its a touchy subject. I was told this by heaps of cops and to me it makes alot of sense. But really no one can get in trouble unless the parents want to have the other person charged.
this is all well and good but i was also told that its now 17 y/o where there law considers u as an adult. Weird huh...
That being said.. i was having alot of sex at 16 too..
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Oh man Hoobley - did you hear my thoughts?? I was turning this over and over in my mind last night.
It's not gone off topic at all, its evolved and is actually quite relevant.
To clarify - I was a very Wild Child, so DEF I am going of my own drunken experiences as a teen.
It is the assault side of things that worry me. If she has her guard down through drink and there is no DECENT adult supervision, she could be in danger. She hasn't learnt to look for those signs yet (imho),although this weekends experience has been good.
She tells Dp more than me ( i obviously am given the 'vanilla' version)....anyhoo it turns out the very drunk girl was constantly being hit on and groped by the boys there. Now I've met many of her friends, so I know these boys. Lesson: yes they may be polite to my face but I dont know what they get up to usually.
In any case - the sex *sigh*.
So her boyfriend N has been around for awhile now. Anyone remember my thread months ago? Well its the same one and....well...he makes DD smile, he does care about her, so if he gonna be the one (I gotta face it, she's 16), I'd rather it not be some half-arsed fumble under a grotty doona on the floor.
I have spoken to her about sex etc, I've also explained the need for trust and respect to be part of the process. She has watched her friends 'hook up' pretty randomly and she isnt too impressed.
SO, I have decided to turn my back office into den for Belle and her friends. It can be hard for them to hang out here because the little ones think its Xmas and jump all over them. The telly and the stereo out there, and beanbags and stuff. I am still hammering out the 'rules' (help me on this one girls), but I would like this to be an ok place to hang out for them. There will be no drinking/smoking allowed, its not gonna be a party place, and it will be a privilege she can work for....
My head hurts....
Moderator
I think it's a fair rule that she has to keep it reasonably clean herself.
Registered User
can I have u as a mum
one thing that my mum used to do with me was not give me a curfue but to let me ring her from a party when i was ready to leave, she used to sleep on the lounge waiting for my call. All my friends thought it rocked, that I could go home at whatever time I wanted, a lot of the time watching my friends write themselves off used to bore me and I'd ring mum to pick me up about the same time as those friends with curfues.
I was allowed to drink at home - but a lot of that was my upbringing - Dad was Polish so I had a European upbringing with alcohol being a normal part of life.
hahah punkin i was thinking the same thing
can I have u as a mum
Moderator
Great idea Lulu. Definately lay down some rules. I remember as a teenager most of our parents in my circle of friends were quite trusting of us. Simply we followed the rules of the house, cleaned up after ourselves and tended to be with the same friends for parties. Having a party or going to one was never a problem.
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