Disappointing Parent Teacher Interview

[dinky]

Thank you all for your replies! I have read every one of them, good and bad!

I want to clarify a few things - Yes, I had not met the teacher before now. I do not do any of the school runs for Hayley, my eldest DD does this, and she has met the teacher on my behalf a number of times. She has spoken to her, clarified issues, and the teacher knows that she can speak to her about anything! Which she has done a couple of times. So its not like we have made no effort to have any sort of communication with the school.

Last year, I had a complete mental breakdown and have suffered serious mental health issues since then, this has made things very difficult for me. I find it very difficult to do the stuff that I used to, which is extremely frustrating.

I am doing my best here, trying to work on the things that I know can do. I have been working with Hayley on the things she needs to improve on and she seems happy to do it. I have also spoken to her about the issues with her bestie and what actually happened and why she didn't tell us! She knew it was wrong! We had a very long talk about it and what she thinks should happen and whether she thinks that this friendship is a good choice to make considering the amount of trouble she gets into. She has thought about it and said that she thinks it best that she talks to her a little outside of school but not be overly friendly, but she isn't going to tell her friend though as she will be upset and go and tell the teacher on her!

I can only do so much. I will try to keep in touch a little more often with the teacher, even if it is via email, and see how things are going! We will see if things improve, my DD says that the teacher doesn't like her, so I think that is impacting on her school work. But hey, only another 6 months and we can move onto another teacher, and hopefully it will be a better one!

[beansbeans!]

Just curious, had the teacher brought up the friendship issue with your older daughter? Or is this the first anyone in your family had heard of this issue?

[Ginger]

Wysiwyg, you keep trying to explain this in terms of being a business relationship, but this is so much more than this. This is the person who is looking after your child 5 days a week. For my 5 year old, she forms one of the most important people in his life. He talks about her constantly at home. This is a really special relationship for him. A such, it is an important relationship to me too. This is not someone that I have a business transaction with.

[wysiwyg]

Wysiwyg, you keep trying to explain this in terms of being a business relationship, but this is so much more than this. This is the person who is looking after your child 5 days a week. For my 5 year old, she forms one of the most important people in his life. He talks about her constantly at home. This is a really special relationship for him. A such, it is an important relationship to me too. This is not someone that I have a business transaction with.

It isn't a business transaction, but the business analogies are because it is common to have situations in business where you have to communicate with multiple people with varying interests and approaches - (so I am talking the teacher here), and actually the way that these sort of environments are handled in that world - is exactly how you see guidelines to teachers about interactions with parents written, any sort of business communication plan would have very similar things listed in it to the following - this is from the Raising Children website

Before school begins

Welcome all parents and incoming students by sending a welcome greeting.
Learn about the students and their families.
Establish positive communication with all families, and give some information about you as a teacher.
Let parents know about your philosophy and teaching practices.
Set out classroom policies and inform parents when and how it’s best to reach you.
Invite parents to a beginning school meeting.
Notes home and positive calls

Send home ‘good news’ messages about all students’ behaviour and progress.
Call parents to tell them something positive their child has done.
Perhaps choose one parent per day and make contact either by phone or letter. After this, parents will be more receptive if you need to call with a concern.
Keep a record of regular communications with all parents.
Formally recognise any help of parents (through newsletters and notes home).
Weekly classroom newsletter

The more you can tell parents about news from the school, the better your partnership will be.
Send home a weekly newsletter informing parents about classroom activities and any upcoming events.
Newsletters can be used to invite parent participation in the classroom.
Make sure newsletters are translated for any parents who speak English as a second language.

Parents don't have to view it as a business transaction, but teachers should be using a model based on a communication plan - which goes someway to ensuring that the all the students get what they need, and isn't based on assumptions made about parental involvement, or based on parents ability to physically meet with a teacher.

How the parents choose to interact with teachers is up to them - but how teachers interact with parents should follow some sort of framework and that is similar to the business world.

[Artechim]

Is there some sort of personality clash with your DD and her teacher? Your daughter says she doesn't like the teacher and the teacher had nothing nice to say about her. I don't know why they didn't tell you if your daughter was getting in trouble but I have had similar when my boy was punched in the guts so hard he was winded and they didn't send home a note or say anything to me - if DS hadn't said I would be none the wiser.

As to the criticism of you not seeing the teacher until now, I don't really understand why people think there is something wrong? The older daughter is the point of contact and the teacher could have mentioned it to her any time or said that she wanted to speak to a parent. My DS started a new school this term and DH has not met the teachers and doesn't even really know where the school is. That does not mean he is not interested in DS's education, just that he works and I am the nominated point of contact for educational things in our family.

[Ginger]

Wysiwyg, I feel that you are being very clinical about the teacher/parent relationship. Maybe my kids' school is different, idk, but our relationship with the teachers is very different to this. I feel that I can go to ds's teachers at anytime for any reason. Ds's teacher will often email me during the day even with a photo or message. I think that the relationship between the parent and teacher is very important and that it is a two way street. Like I said, maybe I've just been spoilt with the amount of feedback and consultation that I am involved with? I can say this, I have never been surprised by a report or parent/teacher interview. We also have many social gatherings throughout the year at the school where the whole family is invited. Parents are very included in the education process.

[Ginger]

Also, I am not saying that this is all the OP's responsibility, but I think that some more initiative/involvement from her side would've resulted in a less disappointing parent/teacher interview.

[Livinthedream]

Ginger, I think it's great that you have such a good relationship with your sons teacher, even better that your DS is so happy.
Your teacher sounds amazing. And for your sons first year of schooling, it sounds like you hit the jackpot.
But I would be extremely surprised if you were to find all of the rest of his teachers over the next 12 years to be as receptive , responsive and engaged as your current one.
Your teacher sounds like they have a real passion for teaching.
For some other teachers, while enjoyable, it is also a job.
And for some unfortunate kids, their teachers don't even particularly like their job.
Maybe the op has struck one of these teachers?
It's hard to say why this situation has occurred.
But I think it is unfair to assume that the op "deserved" the interview they got based on a set of circumstances we really dont have the full picture on.

[Ginger]

I agree that I've hit the jackpot with ds2's teacher. I even commented on that when I said that I had been spoilt. I also have an older ds in grade 1, and he too has had 2 years of fantastic teachers that I've communicated well with. What I never said, is that the OP 'deserved' what had happened. Those are your words, not mine.

[Hetty]

I'm not saying anyone is wrong and I agree there is fault with the teacher here, but as a teacher myself I just want to say we have a really tough job. My job as a high school teacher is very different to a primary school teacher, we have more kids to keep track of and teach them less often (I have about 200 students), but I imagine the paper work and such is the same. We are buried in paper work and our job goes way beyond the classroom. We are responsible for letting parents know if their kid hasn't done an assignment, but sometimes we have 30 kids who haven't done their assignments. On top of that, we have to keep track of students homework, social issues (like bullying, which can be very subtle) and students slacking off or mucking up in class, and student welfare as well. We have a lot of responsibilities and notifying parents is just one of the many things we have to do. It can be really hard for teachers to keep up with.

You ladies aren't like this, but I can't tell you how many parents think everything to do with education and social skills is our responsibility. Some parents think that teaching their kid to read is purely the school's responsibility. Some even think we're responsible for teaching their kids manners (which is actually a huge part of my job, unfortunately!).

[kateo]

Fun, init Hetty?
I still remember in my 2nd year of teaching we were taking a yr 4 class on school camp. A mum came up to me a said she was so pleased we were finally getting around to teaching table manners........no kidding!!!!!
When we got back she was quite disappointed her son still ate with his hands a lot of the time!
Another mum with a kid in the same class totally lost her rag with me......ranting about how irresponsible teachers were etc because her daughter had lost her jumper. I suggested she look in lost property. This was a bad idea as the jumper didn't have a name tag on it apparently and I should have kept track of it better.
In the end it was found in the bag of one of her daughters friends that was the same as her daughters bag..........no apology from mum.
School is such a hard journey. There needs to be care for kids but teachers just can't be expected to be "parent-like". Part of the journey is about children developing skills and independence.
Interestingly when I was at school and the teacher had a problem with my behaviour she told my parents and they made my life miserable due to this. Once I remember the teacher got it wrong. I still got in trouble. I survived. I learnt.
I remember once sitting on the front step at home crying "I don't want to go to school today. Everybody is so mean and it's hard work!!!"
Mum handed me my bag and lunch and said, "You have to go you're the teacher!"

[dinky]

Just curious, had the teacher brought up the friendship issue with your older daughter? Or is this the first anyone in your family had heard of this issue?

No, this teacher has never brought up the issue of the friendship with my older daughter. I do however know from last year when they were in the same class together that they will never be allowed to be in the same class again, its on both of their files, it just doesn't work! I fully understand and supported the decision made by the teacher last year! I had no issue with it, the other parents however were not too happy about it. We hadn't heard anything about it at all! My older daughter has spoken to the teacher a number of times about certain issues surrounding bullying by specific children in the class. I know that she has done this, the teacher says that she has sorted it out. I asked her about a certain child still attacking Hayley at every opportunity and why it is still going on? She says that she has never heard of any bullying by students in her class....which is a flat out lie!!

[dinky]

In reply to everyone else! I am happy to hear that some of you have been very lucky to have awesome teachers. Hayley did have a brilliant Prep teacher at the same school, and even her Grade 1 and 2 teachers were pretty amazing! In Grade 1, she had a few issues, her teacher emailed me, rang me at night at home to discuss the situation, made a time for me to meet with her, (I was studying full time at that time). Grade 2, if there was something that needed to be discussed a note was sent home and a mutually agreed time was made for us to meet to discuss the situation without any interruptions. My older daughters were picking Hayley up most days and the teachers would send a note home with them, or give them the message to send home to me.

I have been through the education system twice...both of my older DD's completed VCE, so I have done so many parent teacher interviews. I know the system. Never before have I had one where they have said everything negative! I have been through bad times before and had major issues, teachers have been really helpful with assisting my kids in how to deal with things. I do not expect miracles, I don't. I do however expect that my child is learning the things that she needs. I do not think that it should be up to me to do the teaching....yes, I can reinforce what she is learning, but to actually teacher her, sorry, not my job!

I will do it though, because as a parent I do not want my child to feel like she is dumb. She has told me that she is in the dumb maths class because she is stupid. She isn't, its just taking her a little longer for things to stick! She will get there with some more effort from her and from me! I have taken a couple of days off work over the holidays so that I can spend more time with her doing maths stuff! She is enjoying it so far! I got some great books yesterday from Big W, and she is really enjoying doing them!

I am doing what I feel is right! I don't think that I should have to contact the teacher every day to find out how she is doing to be kept up to date. But I will be checking in every week or so, just to see if things are on track! There are already a number of parents that hassle her every day about their children and what they have done, or not done. We will just see how things go!