Um, i'm a single parent and though i have my moments i certainly don't act like that around DD!

THis is a tough one really hun. IKWYM about patience in her job, but parenting, as you know, is a 24/7 job and it can get on top of you so easily. Also, with her situation, i.e. not actually wanting DH away (some of us single mummies were much happier that way!) she's probably trying to "hang on" until he's back, rather than just changing things around to take into account him being gone.

She sounds like a break would be the first order of the day. I know she doesn't get on with the IL's but would she let them look after her DD for a bit? Even one afternoon/overnight/whatever a week would let her have some "me" time and unwind a bit. Maybe a frank chat about it "You seem really stressed hunny, it's not like you to shout so much, i know you're missing DH, have you thought about ways to keep on top of everything while he's away?" - the fear-at-homething especially worries me - i sometimes lie awake and fret about "what-ifs" but she sounds like she's never feeling safe in her own home - is your local crime rate very high? Are her fears justified?

I don't think it's good for her DD, and i don't think it should go on long term, and yes, ultimately it will damage the child and ESPECIALLY her relationship with the mother, but at this stage mother and babe are so closely intwined, relieving mum's pain/stress will be the best way to help the baby.

HTH

Bx