Just the fact that you care will make a difference to her Nads, i really appreciate all my friends who call and say "just wanted to make sure you're ok" even when i'm totally fine. Talking to her is probably the best thing you can do at this stage - you could try the following leads:

"You seem like you're really struggling being on your own. Want to talk about it, maybe if we brainstorm we can think of ways to make it easier?"

"What are you doing tomorrow? I have to...*then list your planned tasks" - letting her see how YOU stay organised willhelp her to get herself organised, kwim?*

"When DD was that age she often *insert biting or whatever most recently made her shout* but then i did some reading online/talked to mum/whatever and i realised it was so normal and she can't help it - i sure don't miss the shouting!" - a bit of in-your-shoes compassion can really make people feel not only understtod but that there is true hope for change. Pretty much every mother i know struggles with their temper at some time - it's the most trying job on earth - so hearing how others felt and resolved the feelings can make a huge difference. The hardest things about getting new coping skills is having to say "i'm not coping" to begin with.

You might also try making comments that build her confidence, like "Wow, even though at times it must be really hard, you're making it work with DH having to be away really well!". I am the sort of person who is not afraid. Of anything. So i can only imagine the agony of being in what is effectively my situation (except that i have the help of my wonderful DP AND a lot from XP, but even at the start say, when neither were around as much) and on top having to learn a bunch of new skills and deal with unfamiliar situations. Rationally she should realise that in a situation where the security fails her DH would have made no difference - it's what i think when i'm scared at night. That or "thank god i only have ONE loved one in the house to protect!" LOL. SHe needs to find her inner lioness and realise that all the things she is scared of or can't do are just stuff she's not had the opportunity to face/learn yet. I can actually remember moving out of home and being afraid of having to pay bills etc. and now i don't even think about it!

Hopefully the situation will resolve in the immediate sense soon, but really, there's no point in her living her whole life like this on the grounds that there will be someone else there. She needs to learn to feel confident in her abilities and know she CAN do it. Sometimes you have to cope alone, it's a fact of life.

Bx