Registered User
Samm,
The only name on my DD's birth certificate is mine and of cousre DD's. I had to see a socail worker at Centrelink but this just so if i needed assistance re child support they offered it. It took about 30 seconds for me to explain my situation and that was it. I get no reduction in payment as result of having only my name on birth cert. They were actually very nice at centrelink.
Registered User
Thanks Jmmum,- very sound advice.
Today i am confused and a little bit down. Just as i had made up my mind about having this little baby, my 'friend' called me. He confirmed again he didnt want to be a father and that he had other concerns. You see he is so calm when speaking to me about it, it un-nerves me a little. We have been friends for so long & whilst i'm feeling a little confused about it now, how do you tell someone to go away and leave me to cope with this along whatever the outcome without their involvement? i know it sounds quite harsh but i would just like to come to peace with this little 'accident'. Any thoughts?
Registered User
Hi Samm,
I just want to give you a hug of strength. You can do it and times will be hard but you have us here for support and encouragement. I'm not sure of your whereabouts but perhaps looking up Parents without Partners (now or a bit closer to birth) and they may be able to give some advice or let you know where there nearest meeting place is.
In relation to your "friend" I suggest you could advise him of your intentions and that since he does not want to be involve to please leave you alone. Somewhere down the track he may change his mind but at the moment you only need to surround yourself with positive people (like us at BB!!)
You can do it.
HI,
I'm a single mum of one, though DD has regular contact with her daddy so not quite your situation.
I would say:
"you've told me how you feel, and while i respect that i cannot consider a termination. I'm going to go ahead with the pregnancy. We're not going to agree, and i can't cope with negativity just now. Please just leave me alone to process the situation. If you have questions you could email me." and leave it at that. You don't have to read the emails if he's being unkind in them, but you will have written down his thoughts on it all.
What are his "other concerns"? It could just be that he REALLY doesn't want to go through what he did with his DD again.
Bx
Registered User
Hoobley, your sig says you have a 36 y.o DP?
I'm a single parent at the moment as well, though I do get a lot of help from my parents (though that wasn't alway there to this extent). It's really difficult being a single parent, but it gets easier (at least that's what i'm finding, my daughter is only 10 1/2 months). I think your friend is being very insensitive right now, while it's his baby as well, you're the one who will be carrying it for 9 months, giving birth to it and raising it. It wouldn't surprise me if his main concern is not wanting to pay child support, but i'm cynical about all men anyway TBH. Either way, is he calling you on your mobile or do you have caller ID on your landline? Maybe you could just screen his calls, or just give him the response hoobley posted. Either way, good luck!
It's a LIE! He's 37...Hoobley, your sig says you have a 36 y.o DP?
We don't live together. So although i'm not "single" i'm still parenting singly as he works long hours and is only physically here once a week (actually we have just, in the last 2 weeks, begun seeing each other overnight once midweek when DD is here). I have known him since 2001 and we've been together since August 2006 but for the first year he never (literally twice in that time) saw DD, and then i gradually began letting them spend time together. I wanted to be EXTREMELY sure of him before i let him get involved in her life. So for the first year i saw him from 9pm-1pm overnight once a week. Then once DD got bigger she stayed at her dad's longer and i saw him 9pm-6pm. Then i began letting him see her him so he was here more like 9pm-9pm. It's been very slow and steady and frustrating at times but we felt it was the best approach given our lifestyles etc.
This winter we're buying a house together and then i will no longer be a single parent but a blended family...
Sorry for hi-jacking Samm!
Bx
Registered User
Ultimately, in the end it is your body, your life & your choice. Yes its his baby too, but how many children are out there that have nothing at all to do with their fathers? My DH didn't meet his father til he was 19. & hasn't seen him since. He would kinda like to get in touch with him, but we don't particularly like him as a person, so we haven't tried too hard.
Besides, DH's mu has been in the same house, with the same phone number for 16 years. He has that number & has not once tried to get in contact with us.
MIL was only 16 with no family or financial support, never claimed child support & raised him & his brother - different father for the first 7 & 9 years alone. She had a partner who fathered the next 2 children (she lost one to SIDS) for about 2 years but he wasn't much of a father.
I know a few people who never knew their fathers, or didn't have much to do with them. Either coz it was the best choice for the child, or just coz he's he's a dead beat dad who couldn't be bothered.
You have to make this choice for you. Sounds like you have family support. Thats a big help.
Registered User
thank you everyone for your support!
Yes i do have family support & a wider friend network so whilst i know it will be hard work i have the right people around
Hoobley - i think your comment about not wanting to go through what he went through with his DS is correct. He is being nice and calm in our conversations and is not horrible at all as this is due to how long we've known each other. With this ex i saw what it did to him & i supported him through that but i think now instead of me always being worried about his siutation i know need to decide mine.
Thanks for all of the great advice - its nice having people who are positive.
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