Another Single mum to be

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Hoobley, your sig says you have a 36 y.o DP?

I'm a single parent at the moment as well, though I do get a lot of help from my parents (though that wasn't alway there to this extent). It's really difficult being a single parent, but it gets easier (at least that's what i'm finding, my daughter is only 10 1/2 months). I think your friend is being very insensitive right now, while it's his baby as well, you're the one who will be carrying it for 9 months, giving birth to it and raising it. It wouldn't surprise me if his main concern is not wanting to pay child support, but i'm cynical about all men anyway TBH. Either way, is he calling you on your mobile or do you have caller ID on your landline? Maybe you could just screen his calls, or just give him the response hoobley posted. Either way, good luck!

[paradise lost]

Hoobley, your sig says you have a 36 y.o DP?

It's a LIE! He's 37...

We don't live together. So although i'm not "single" i'm still parenting singly as he works long hours and is only physically here once a week (actually we have just, in the last 2 weeks, begun seeing each other overnight once midweek when DD is here). I have known him since 2001 and we've been together since August 2006 but for the first year he never (literally twice in that time) saw DD, and then i gradually began letting them spend time together. I wanted to be EXTREMELY sure of him before i let him get involved in her life. So for the first year i saw him from 9pm-1pm overnight once a week. Then once DD got bigger she stayed at her dad's longer and i saw him 9pm-6pm. Then i began letting him see her him so he was here more like 9pm-9pm. It's been very slow and steady and frustrating at times but we felt it was the best approach given our lifestyles etc.

This winter we're buying a house together and then i will no longer be a single parent but a blended family...

Sorry for hi-jacking Samm!

Bx

[~clover~]

Ultimately, in the end it is your body, your life & your choice. Yes its his baby too, but how many children are out there that have nothing at all to do with their fathers? My DH didn't meet his father til he was 19. & hasn't seen him since. He would kinda like to get in touch with him, but we don't particularly like him as a person, so we haven't tried too hard.
Besides, DH's mu has been in the same house, with the same phone number for 16 years. He has that number & has not once tried to get in contact with us.
MIL was only 16 with no family or financial support, never claimed child support & raised him & his brother - different father for the first 7 & 9 years alone. She had a partner who fathered the next 2 children (she lost one to SIDS) for about 2 years but he wasn't much of a father.

I know a few people who never knew their fathers, or didn't have much to do with them. Either coz it was the best choice for the child, or just coz he's he's a dead beat dad who couldn't be bothered.

You have to make this choice for you. Sounds like you have family support. Thats a big help.

[samm]

thank you everyone for your support!

Yes i do have family support & a wider friend network so whilst i know it will be hard work i have the right people around

Hoobley - i think your comment about not wanting to go through what he went through with his DS is correct. He is being nice and calm in our conversations and is not horrible at all as this is due to how long we've known each other. With this ex i saw what it did to him & i supported him through that but i think now instead of me always being worried about his siutation i know need to decide mine.

Thanks for all of the great advice - its nice having people who are positive.

[jmmum]

Hey Samm,
Seems things are settling for you a little. Just be true to yourself in whatever decision you make. Have no regrets. Feel comfort in the fact that the people who love you will support you.

[Uncle Amy]

Hi Samm,

I'm in similar basket, I really agonised over the fact that the fertiliser was unwilling. I was and still am upset that he couldn't just say "O.K". When you are searching for peace, look for it in the 'things I can't control' folder. Distance is the safest bet. You are in two different places about this and right now you have inly enough space to look after you and the babe. He's an adult and can look after himself. Dont write things or say things you might regret - write them but DONT send them, they will haunt you and you WILL be emotional about this. acknowlege what he has to say, but dont let him drum you over the head with his opinion, get the gist, then GET OUT of there. I've had 2 experiences with 2 different men 'friends', unfortunately I miscarried one AND I let him get under my skin about HIS pain. You know you are on your own now, get the support from ANYWHERE and EVEYWHERE EXCEPT HIM, the dissapointment can be excruciating. They joy of parenting is sublime. Life gives just as it takes away, try not to mourn what you don't have and stay focussed on ALL the POSITIVES. I'm cheering for you!

[jmmum]

Samm,

Hoping life is being kind to you. We seem to cut this guy a lot of slack. Is he worthy of it? Just thinking out loud!
Wait til you hold your bub in your arms and all the hastle will just melt away. I have not one single regret about having my DD. It is 99.9% fantastic. Happy to answer any questions you may have. Feel free to Pm me.
Take Care.

[samm]

Hello there!
It's been a while since i've last posted - sorry!! I've asked the Dad to let me deal with it in peace and to his credit he has. No Jmumm - he was and still actaully good about this and has never forced his view - so i've cut him some slack but i've also kept it open ended in case he changes his mind later down the track.But it's all very peaceful without me worrying about him as well.

Well i'm now officially 11 weeks and 5 days with my due date being March 1. First sight of bub was scary but beautiful and it looks like everything is ok.get te results of tests etc on Saturday. Bub loved the camera apparently at at this early stage looks like a DS. My mum and sister in law are elated and basically do everything for me - so i doubt i'll need to do all that much!!!

All i can say at the moment is thank goodness for the Elevit as i was exhausted up until last weekend when one of my friends recommended me to take it. A god send!!!!

I am starting to get excited - especailly now i've actually seen pic's & tonight after getting pampered at the hairdressers - i feel fab!!i figured if i am going to be a mum i may as well look great and be the mum withthe funky coloured hair and cut!!!

Thanks everyone for their great advice & support - it's certainly helped make the thought struggle easier!!!