Anyone divorced a spouse just because they arent suited?

[Pretty Butterfly]

My first marriage ended excatly because of this.
We both felt simular to be honest.

We were young, (19) and thought it was true love. It wasn't, it was a great friendship with sex!!

He is the dad of my 2 eldest darlings, and we get along great. We are still friends. We talk, joke, and share the kids no problem. He has a lovely new wife, and they just had a little boy together. The kids adore him, and I can talk to the step mum for ages and have had many cuddles of the new bub.

I know it doesnt turn out this well for most, but our friendship, and mutual love nad respect for the kids got us through.

Our divorce was done mutually, so cost about $200, and didnt have to go to court because we both agreed on everything, even with 2 young children involved.


We really were just good freinds, and we both knew it. We never fought, had a good marriage, it just wasn't "the right one" for either of us. Most were REALLY shocked at the split, they had no idea it would be in the cards. But seeing me and Ad now, and the ex with his wife, they understand. We have both found the real thing, thats shows we never had it.

We were too young and rushed it. It really is that simple. We just grew apart. It wasnt a bad marriage, but neither of us wanted to "settle" either... best thing we ever done, for ourselves and our children.

[Freya]

My first marriage ended excatly because of this.
We both felt simular to be honest.

We were young, (19) and thought it was true love. It wasn't, it was a great friendship with sex!!

He is the dad of my 2 eldest darlings, and we get along great. We are still friends. We talk, joke, and share the kids no problem. He has a lovely new wife, and they just had a little boy together. The kids adore him, and I can talk to the step mum for ages and have had many cuddles of the new bub.

I know it doesnt turn out this well for most, but our friendship, and mutual love nad respect for the kids got us through.

Our divorce was done mutually, so cost about $200, and didnt have to go to court because we both agreed on everything, even with 2 young children involved.


We really were just good freinds, and we both knew it. We never fought, had a good marriage, it just wasn't "the right one" for either of us. Most were REALLY shocked at the split, they had no idea it would be in the cards. But seeing me and Ad now, and the ex with his wife, they understand. We have both found the real thing, thats shows we never had it.

We were too young and rushed it. It really is that simple. We just grew apart. It wasnt a bad marriage, but neither of us wanted to "settle" either... best thing we ever done, for ourselves and our children.

Im glad to hear that but unfortunately DH doesnt feel the same way I do (but that comes from his warped idea of relationships and love from his parents) so it wouldnt be exactly amicable.

[Nelle]

Have you guys been to counselling Freya? I can't remember, sorry. All the best figuring things out. xo


ETA: Kelly, talking about needs being met reminds me a little of 'His Needs, Her Needs' and 'The Five Love Languages'.

[C~Q]

Oh hunny

Yep I kind of did...no one did anything wrong just married too young and grew up in different directions. I'm sorry to hear that this might be on the cards. I tried to change things and change the way I felt but once i'd considered the possibility of leaving there really was no other choice for me x

[Beatrix]

I cant say i divorced because of this, my exh was anbd still is a twat..

But i do want to send you huge hugs and let you know I am here if you need to talk

xox

[shellbell3]

It sounds like a tough situation so just wanted to offer Have you considered councilling maybe for just yourself to work thru your feelings abd work out exactly what you want and are looking for?

[BellyBelly]

Yup Nelle, 5 Love Languages is an essential for couples I think

[Inanna]

I think that's why most people get divorced my love. I also think that it doesn't have to be that way...
Kel has given you some great advice that I would take and run with. There is much to learn through this. We are changing every moment. None of us are who we were when we started out together. It's up to you both if you choose to take the challenge & walk the growth line together or apart.

It can be done. When there is no abuse & an honest desire to grow together I believe anything is possible.

[BekZ]

Freya. I know you have been struggling for a long time now. I do tend to agree with Kelly's suggestion of exploring why you are feeling the way you are and making very well thought out decision. It is hard, I know. Over the last year I struggled with the relationship with my DH to point where I felt that I could walk away. But I worked out that it was not my DH, it was me and my needs weren't being met at the time. Interestingly he became distant because I was shutting him out and he felt his needs were not being met. So we were living parallel each other and existing for many months. I felt trapped and "just a sahm without a purpose." My DH just wanted affection and acknowledgment of which he was receiving neither. So we've spent heaps of time talking, and trying to be mindful of each other and I've fallen for him again.

I really do hope you come to a point where you are at peace with how you feel and make the right decision for you.

[BellyBelly]

Anthony Robbins talks about this alot in his relationship programs (see if you can google some on youtube). He says that some people leave using the reasoning that they don't have enough in common etc but he's never met any couple that have split up that were getting their needs met.

I highly recommend his relationship program, this man is a genius The clips of the interventions with couples who you think will never get back together after what's been going on... its incredible. What we think the problem is, often is far from it.

The first link has some great clips and some previews of some interventions (so powerful, check them out) and the second link is their blog.

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/products/relationships/
Tony Robbins Love and Passion Blog

[KimB]

My first marriage ended excatly because of this.
We both felt simular to be honest.

We were young, (19) and thought it was true love. It wasn't, it was a great friendship with sex!!

He is the dad of my 2 eldest darlings, and we get along great. We are still friends. We talk, joke, and share the kids no problem. He has a lovely new wife, and they just had a little boy together. The kids adore him, and I can talk to the step mum for ages and have had many cuddles of the new bub.

I know it doesnt turn out this well for most, but our friendship, and mutual love nad respect for the kids got us through.

Our divorce was done mutually, so cost about $200, and didnt have to go to court because we both agreed on everything, even with 2 young children involved.


We really were just good freinds, and we both knew it. We never fought, had a good marriage, it just wasn't "the right one" for either of us. Most were REALLY shocked at the split, they had no idea it would be in the cards. But seeing me and Ad now, and the ex with his wife, they understand. We have both found the real thing, thats shows we never had it.

We were too young and rushed it. It really is that simple. We just grew apart. It wasnt a bad marriage, but neither of us wanted to "settle" either... best thing we ever done, for ourselves and our children.

This sounds so much like my XH and I, could we have the same X PB lol. It took us 4 years to get around to getting divorced but that didn't matter. We still have the friendship today but he has remarried and is happy and I have DF. XH and I married in our 30's though but we both knew it was a mistake when we did it. We did try for a few years but we were like housemates who just happened to have a couple of kids together. Good luck on making the decision as it is very hard

[misty]

I think you have to earn your way out of a marriage. Particularly with this reason. It may be a very valid reason to dissolve the marriage, but I think you owe it to yourself and to your DH to do everything you possibly can to regain some of that connection that you previously had.

Truthfully I think all marriages go through similar things and that many people just give up too easily. I remember hearing an old married couple on Oprah once. they were asked what their secret to staying married for 50yrs was. Their reply "not falling out of love with each other at the same time". There is a lot of truth to this I think.

You need to get to reknow your hubby, start dating again, talk about your goals and desires out of life. It isn't good enough just waiting for him to change into whatever you are hoping / looking for. It won't matter what he does / doesn't do if you are not plugged into the marriage and actually 'want' to recapture whatever it is you feel is missing.

Marriage is so much more then 'love and romance'. It is a partnership, and it is a friendship. And just like any partnerships or friendship, they evolve and they change and the peopl in them change as do their expectations.

Like I said, it may be the end of the line for your relationship, but if that is the case you need to do everything you possibly can with 110% effort to try and keep the relationship. If you can honestly say YOU have tried absolutely everything possible, and do not want to be there; then you can move on. If you move on before this, then you are not giving yourself or you hubby the chance you deserve.

[Heaven]

Totally agree with misty. Great post!

All the best

Have you heard of the love dare?

[Jas]

Another great book is love and respect...its really eye opening....

Just from another perspective, You guys have seperated for a while before, haven't you? (sorry if I'm thinking of there wrong person) but you keep coming back together, so there must be something there and something to bring you back together but then its just hard to know how to be together?

I think maybe you guys just need to keep searching and reading books and working together and talking to find how to be together, cause marriage is far from easy some times.

Best wishes with everything

[maz]

sometimes the wind's blow us in different directions and blow's away the connection that was there.
We take on different roles in our lives....lover, wife, mother.....and more then often when our priorities change we see things with a heavy heart.
Can you remember what bought you 2 together in the first place?
FWIW, I think many of us go through this in our marriages...doubt creeps in, repulsion, dead end feelings. You might need to see if you think its worth saving honey
your an incredibly strong woman...maybe its one of the reason's DH cant see what's wrong

[Miss.September]

Misty - fantastic post!

DH and I went through a really really rough patch, fighting through frustration more than anything, plenty of nit picking going on. BUT, we both hung on. And that flat spot, a lot of which I recognised in your words, has become far behind us and now things are better than they have EVER been in the 11 years we've been together.

Saying that, only you know what's happening in your own marriage. I'm sure plenty of people fall out of love. Good luck with whatever decision you choose.