Crappy Situation With Unborn Baby's Father Already (VENT/HELP)

[MummyTee]

Thank you from my heart Charlotte91, TeniBear, PumpkinZulu & EMC2.

This is my first baby, so your comments are making me think more about a longer term Mother's perspective. Emotions on both sides are running high it’s a little hard to tell if I’m thinking logically. I never want to do something out of spite but protective instincts have already kicked in for my baby after that night and I don't think I would regret keeping him out of our lives as he's brought this on himself.

I always thought it was wrong to not let the father be around, but looking at this situation from a third party's eyes it is probably for the best. If he wants to come back and swears he's changed, it would probably be temporary. Just so weird to make a decision as big as we did and then him to renegg once the baby was already growing.

EMC2, does the father have anything to do with your baby now? If not, how did it end?

Similar to me in the way that I had a threatened miscarriage at 5 weeks & bled for 3 weeks and was advised by the hospital to go on bedrest and take it easy, and he was telling me that I wasn't cooking, cleaning and exercising enough even after I had explained the hemorage!!

I am scared of being a single Mother and you're right TeniBear I need to believe in myself. One thing is for sure (and a double edge sword) I would enjoy this journey more if he didn't exist, albeit I wouldn't be on this journey if it wasn't for him :heart:

[MummyTee]

Thank you for letting me know that and the offer of talking, that's really sweet.

Hmmm food for thought and on the similar line of thinking to what I was contemplating doing to make this situation feel "right" for me, and to get through this stage and the horrible feelings and resolution for the longer term. I will think further about this and it sounds like it worked for you even though it was hard. I don't want anything to do with his money, and I had never even thought about it until he mentioned it. However if I do want him on the Birth Certificate does he have to be around to witness/sign this?

Wow, if I have a daughter there is no way I would want him to be a role model of what men are like and how they treat women

It's sad that he won't have to deal with me telling him he is a jerk, he'll have to deal with his son or daughter telling him! The damage is done.

Thanks again.

[RainbowBrite]

I agree with the other girls, you are better of without him in your life.
He has shown he is not mature enough to be a father at this time.
Any man who lays his hands on his baby's mumma while pregnant is definitely not worth it.
Being a single mum is very daunting but it is amazing what we can do...I am a single mum of 7 and it is not easy at times but my kids are better of with it this way.
You and your bubba deserve better than that.

[Cass72]

You know it's only been just over a year since DS2 was born and I can't remember if I got DH to sign his birth certificate as well.

DS1 was born in Queensland (I note you're on the Gold Coast) and I just put a big line through "father's details" and an N/A (as in not applicable .... it felt therapeutic tee-hee-hee.) and signed the form and sent it off.

I agree with what RainbowB said it is daunting but it is amazing what you can do. The minute you hold your little bub in your arms you will just know that you will be able to do anything for this little person. You will find a strength that you didn't know you have - actually, it sounds to me that you've already found it.

The good times will always outweigh the bad. DS1 and I have an awesome relationship. Up until he was 10 it was just him and me and I'm happy to say that he is a well adjusted, bright, funny, wonderful person who is a fantastic son, brother and friend.

[emc2]

I always thought it was wrong to not let the father be around, but looking at this situation from a third party's eyes it is probably for the best. If he wants to come back and swears he's changed, it would probably be temporary. Just so weird to make a decision as big as we did and then him to renegg once the baby was already growing.

EMC2, does the father have anything to do with your baby now? If not, how did it end?

With my ex it has always been a pattern of behaviour, and he has a drinking problem. So he would be fine for a couple of weeks but then emotionally and verbally abusive, then I would try and break things off, and then he would say but it's all been some misunderstanding, don't leave kind of deal.

So as he wouldn't let me break it off, I used the pregnancy as a time to get to know him and his family. And his parents are quite nice people. I used it as a time to see if he would change, but then I wasn't living with him so I didn't have to answer the phone or put up with him to an extreme point.

How it ended was baby ended up being a footling breech. I had moved temporarily in with my parents and yes well we could have both died. Then ex wasnt much help in hospital, and we were a bit neglected by staff.

To cut a long story short two weeks later after more crap from him, everyone else being lovely to me, I had filled in the child support form as being CSA collect and he then took this as me breaking up with him and he was publicly humiliated by this blah blah blah. I was so relieved.

He's been a right PIA with organising visits but again I have stood my ground, and he will be visiting with his father twice a week for two hours, and I will go for a walk or do chores for part of that time.

Sorry that isn't very detailed, bubby is due for a feed.

[forshelby]

Just wanted to add that something about your post struck me. I'm on the Gold Coast too and I feel compelled to offer you my support. I'll be there for you in any way you need, and I'll never let you down. Us girls gotta stick together! If you decide to go it alone you're going to need support- it takes a village etc. And I want to be part of that village.

-a sidenote..........
I discovered today how wonderful the bond of motherhood can be. Since DS was born, I can't leave the house without meeting another random fellow mum and getting lost in a conversation about our little ones. I love that strangers become your instant sisters because we all share the same bond.

Excuse me while I go and be sick over my gushy loveyness... lol.

[Cass72]

I discovered today how wonderful the bond of motherhood can be. Since DS was born, I can't leave the house without meeting another random fellow mum and getting lost in a conversation about our little ones. I love that strangers become your instant sisters because we all share the same bond.

Excuse me while I go and be sick over my gushy loveyness... lol.

What she said!!!!