Its been empty and ordinary for so long I think I have passed the point of wanting to try and make things work.... I have told him how I feel, and spelled out what I want together with the counsellor, like more attention, some text messages, some nights to go out for dinner etc, but he just doesn't do any of it. I think actions speak stronger than words.

I feel like our relationship could continue just as it is, with us living separately... does that make any sense? I think we could still go to family events together, still maybe catch up with the kids. I just don't want to live together under the one roof. I want time to myself to be me and not feel like I have to 'ask' for that time. I want to go do new things and meet new people. I am 33 and still feel very young. I don't want to settle for this life just because we have kids together.

It freaks me out to think of being on my own when it will be his turn for the kids, and it freaks me out to think of him with a new partner down the track... but I basically feel like I am on my own now anyway - I don't have anyone to confide in, anyone to talk to, to comfort me, I keep how I feel to myself. Surely if I were to live on my own it wouldn't be that different, and at least I would have the chance to meet someone new, even just as a friend.

If I left I would have to do it without telling him, while he is at work or something. I have told him recently that I've found a place to rent and want to move out if things don't get better. I don't think he takes it seriously. I can't talk to him about anything, we are so disconnected...

I feel like maybe some time ago I was in the state of mind to want to try try try to work things out, but now I am just worn down and tired of it all and feel like I am over it, and he has had plenty of time to put in some effort himself but hasn't. He is probably very comfortable with me and the kids and this family sort of life. He is probably hoping I just get over my unhappiness and get on with it, as I have done in the past. I just wish he would admit that its over and we could work out a joint solution together, rather than me running away in the night.