Failure

[PumpkinZulu]

I am a ****ty, terrible parent. For the last two days I've been in bed crying my eyes out Feeding DD, changing her and putting her to sleep. That is literally all I have done with her, no playing, not even smiles I suck at this and I just can't keep things together anymore.

[lissy]

Aaaaww PZ :hugs: sweetie. It will get better, give yourself s break you've got so much on your plate right now.

[Butterfly Dawn]

Oh hun big hugs

[nothing2lose]

Pumpkin, you know what? I bet you a million bucks there isn't a mother on this site that hasn't done the exact same thing. I know I have...

Parenthood is a bloody tough gig. Combine being a first time new parent with what you are going through at the moment, makes it expotentially harder.

You are not a failure. You aren't even close. And little Isla Mae isn't suffering at all. She has a mum who is making sure she is warm and snug, clean with a full belly. She knows you love her. That, I can promise you.

Be kind to yourself and take care x

ETA: I should point out I don't actually have a million bucks but I think my money would be pretty safe if I did x

[Traveller]

All your DD needs to know you love her is a clean bum and a full tummy. You are doing an amazing job and I am certain she could not have a more loving mother looking after her. Have you been to see your GP to let them know how you are feeling? There could be some support they could offer (not necessarily medication) that would help you feel stronger again.

[kelebek]

please don't ask me the number of times that I asked OH if I could take DS back to the hospital in those first weeks and I wasn't going through what you are.

She is too young to know any different, she knows she is loved cause you are changing her bum, you are feeding her, you are meeting her needs. She doesn't really know what play is at the moment so she can't miss something she doesn't know about.

You are going through a really stressful time, it is ok to cry for days on end... at some point the tears will stop and by working through it you are rebuilding your strength. Take this time to process.

I would suggest that you plan an outing in the next couple of days... even it if it's to the shops for some window shopping, that way you have to have a shower, you have to put on clean clothes and you will get some fresh air be gentle on yourself

[*LittleMissSummer*]

You wanna know somethin'? I didn't even go through anything like you are going through and i spent most days like that..

You are going through a lot and its ok to grieve it doesn't make you a bad person at all. She is still so young so sleeping, eating and pooping is all she is going to do. Don't be so hard on yourself remember its not you who made everything this way.

MASSIVE

[briggsy's girl]

no way are you a failure

grief screws you up - and you are grieving the life you thought you had and what should have been

you're a new mummy, still finding her feet

and you're doing all you NEED to do. yup, playing extra games is fantastic - but we ALL go through periods where it's just too much. you are meeting Isla's essential needs, allowing yourself to grieve so that you CAN move forward, one way or another. Isla would tell you if she needed more. she wouldn't settle, she wouldn't feed - but she is - which means you're doing all she needs you to do

Don't be so damn hard on yourself. the only expectations you are failing are your own - i know we all believe we should be supermum's - but sometimes we have to shelve those expectations of ourselves and just accept we're mortal, we have weaknesses - and that it's ok to feel those mortal feelings and grieve.

[Trillian]

No you're not, so stop thinking that right now! we've all had moments like that when you just wish you could leave them on a doorstep and it truly sucks. You've got so much to deal with atm that it's no wonder you are feeling extra tense and everything seems like it is caving in on you. Just take each day at a time OK? Perhaps tonight you and Isla can have a nice bath together and a bit of a play and I'm sure you will feel like you can keep on going

[PumpkinZulu]

I feel like dying.

[PumpkinZulu]

Does anyone have any info on mother baby units or similar.

[Traveller]

This link gives some details Department of General Medicine : Mother & Baby Units but I strongly urge you to try contacting the hospital where you gave birth, or your GP (even on an out of hours number) as that may be faster. Is there someone you can call to sit with you for a while, or to help you with DD?

[sahbear]

I don't "know" you, I dont know what you are going through with your DH but I wish I lived in Melbourne so I could come over give you a hug, look after your DD so you can have a hot bath then call some of the hotlines the other girls have posted.

You are NOT a failure. You are a mum. And no doubt a brilliant one. And what makes you even better than that, is reaching out on here for help.

Look after yourself, and keep looking after your DD it sounds like you are doing great job.

Big hugs.

[Mad Scientist]

My heart breaks for you PZ. You are not a failure. Your baby girl is so lucky to have such a strong woman for a mother. I wish I could do more than post here. Please know that what you are feeling is normal and how you are coping is a credit to your strength. Some people can't get out of bed. You are doing so well and things will get better. But at the moment they are totally ****house and you are allowed to cry. Let yourself xxx

[Butterfly Dawn]

Big from your baby buddie group

X X X

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Babe, PND sneaks up on its victims sometimes without any warning. Having my DD should have been the happiest moment of my life, i had everything i ever wanted and then some. But i just couldnt stop the crying or the thoughts. What helped me through was realising it wasnt my fault, it was nobodys fault. Life sometimes just gets too much for us to cope with. It may not be PND but just everything getting on top of you. I am glad you called your XH he should be there to help with your DD afterall you are feeling this way because of what he did. Are you staying with your mum, i hope there is someone there with you looking after you.

More \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ even DD gives her love too lol

[Footsteps]

still thinking of you huni xxx

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Does anyone have any info on mother baby units or similar.

You generally need to go to your GP or psychologist and be linked in from there, as there is a referral process.
From the GP appointment where we knew I needed admission to the time of admission it was about 48 hours.