kailz, i can't omment on the legalities of making the father pay for things before a child is born - in all honesty, i've never heard of i and don't know how it would work. it sounds like something that would be EXTREMELY difficult to do legally as you can't prove paternity before a child is born (well, not without invasive testing that can be harmful to your baby) - but having said that, i really don't know for sure... i would think that legal aid would be the ones to have the most accurate answers.

as for after the birth, whether you want to follow up on financial support from the babies father or not, the government will, in most cases, tell you that you have no choice. family assistance payments for seperated parents are restricted dramatically if you don't at least attempt to claim child support for your child. now, if he's being an idiot about admitting paternity (hold onto the AVO application as this can be used against him), you don't have to get his name put on the birth certificate. you can approach legal aid and they will help in the legal hoopla in proving paternity (hence the AVO thing - he's put on there about you carrying his child so it can be used as evidence). if you choose not to pursue it, your maximum Family Assistance (pt a) entitlement is cut from a bit over $140 a fortnight to less than $47 - and you'll lose any rent assistance...

pm me if you want any more info - and i'll answer your questions directly if i can. i would suggest calling the Family Relationships Advice Line, Legal Aid and Family Assistance and get your head as clear as you can about where you're going once your bubba arrives... discuss the implications of going through the child support agency and him deciding not to pay, how it impacts you etc. there is a lot of information to get your head around to make sure you've got time - and don't let the people hang up til you're sure you have your answers!


as for the grandmother - personally, i would make contact BEFORE bubs arrives. write her a letter so that it''s non-confrontational. say that you understand that she may have reservations about having any sort of friendship/relationship with you due to the breaakdown in your relationship with her son, but for the sake of her relationship with her grandaughter, you're making an effort before her arrival. you don't want to deny her access to her grandchild - and you don't want the breakdown between you and XP to impact your daughter's chances of knowing her grandparents. there are two huge reasons for this - reason one being that your child really does deserve to have her grandparents in her life - reason two - grandparents have legal rights to access to their grandchildren. if they're denied access, they can take you to mediation, court - it can get messy - and that's the last thing you want if you can make an amicable relationship with her before bub's arrives. keep a record of all correspondence as a back up for yourself, just in case things DO turn nasty - that way you've got a way to show that you tried to make an effort

and most of all - remember that you need to take care of YOU. yeah, getting his help will help financially, but he sounds about as mature as any tanty-throwing five year old, so really, you're doing this solo, and you need to do what is best for you and that little bubble growing in your belly

good luck

BG