Hun you ARE providing for her. When life was at it's hardest, so hard you felt maybe all you had left was your pride, you sacrificed even some of that to make sure there was food in your child's mouth. That's what being a mother is.

I'm in the UK, our system works differently, i get weekly food tokens for milk and fresh fruit and veg and though i'd rather be able to look after us myself, YOU BET i use them. My DD doesn't know or care where the banana in her cereal came from, or how there got to be another 6 apples in the fruit bowl. She only cares that they exist at all, that i am here, loving her, spending the time we have together doing fun things, just BEING THERE for her.

I've been on benefits in Scotland for just over 2 years, some of that time my XP couldn't pay maintenance either, and sometimes things get SO HARD. Sometimes i have to sit up very late just to do the washing because my electricity is cheaper after midnight. I'm moving house soon and i visited the new place last night and thought "they have their thermostat at 21C, that's INSANE!" because to me room temperature is 18C if DD's here, 17C if she's not. In fact i'm typing this in bed (DD's at her dad's and i've got a cold, so i'm having a rare lazy day) and i've got the heating on at 15C...

It can be so hard in this society to believe that money doesn't matter, because everwhere we look we are advertised at and all the papers and magazines and tv channels have aspirational lifestyle-adverts telling us to be successful or happy we must have this, buy that. It is hard ENOUGH getting by all that, without having to struggle to get even the most basic of necessities.

But i just want to tell you that you're NOT a failure. SIngle parents living in poverty have the hardest job, and instead of being admired or celebrated for coping, we're judged or derided and labelled as lazy, stupid, etc. When i go to the local big supermarket with my vouchers the check-out staff can be SOOOO snooty. They have to take the vouchers, which are worth 3GBP each, but they always count up every qualifying item so carefully to make sure i'm not "cheating" - i once had a voucher turned down because the fruit i bought, which would have been 3.89GBP was discounted at the till due to it being close to closing time and it going out of sell-by that day, so it ended up being 2.99GBP - for that one penny they refused my voucher. I am treated like scum, the inference being that because i'm on benefit i must drink and smoke and take drugs and that if i didn't do those things i could afford fruit for my child without vouchers. It is so hard hun, but hold your head up high. Bad times never last forever and while they ARE here, your daughter is very lucky to have a mummy who will lay everything she has, including even some of her pride, on the line to make sure she is loved and fed.

Much love

Bx