Thanks for you comments and support.
I am trying not to beat my self up too much.
I guess what gets to me the most is because I choose to be in the situation I am in. I choose to take Sarah on instead of letting her parents hand her over to DHS to be placed in an institution because they couldn't handle her disability and I have always had this unrealistic fear that if I can't provide for her then Sarah would be taken off me (when I first started the legal process to become her legal mother DHS said I couldn't do it because I was too young and single) I am always OTT with making sure she has everything and she always looks presentable (even if I don't) and asking for help is a big no-no. I asked for help last year because we became homeless(all sorted now) and that was hard to ask especially since I was told by a very supportive friend to tell everything that was going on including talking about why I had to move from where we were with support to meet Sarah''s needs (I moved due to disclosing about childhood sexual abuse and the related court case to my mother, I couldn't handle living there after telling her what her ExP had done to me and her tell all reaction to knowing). After that help I promised Sarah I would always provide for her no matter how tough things got, this year has been so hard but I have always given her what she needs and now when things arn't so stressed (She is out of hospital, court is finished, uni has finished for the year, TAFE has finished completely) and now things hit financially. All I had to do was make it through one more pay day and then the centrelink bonus comes in but I can't make it.
My family are no support. When I became Sarah's mother my sister told I was making the worst decision in my life. When we became homeless she told me I could move in with her but Sarah would have to go into care for that to happen (Which I would not do, no one will ever seperate us). My brothers live interstate/international at the moment so they are no help and my father does not accept Sarah as part of the family, he wont help me because he thinks it is my own fault I am struggling.
I shall try to not beat my self up too much and I shall accept what we have been given, everyone is right it doesn't matter how the food made it's way into the pantry it is here to be eaten when Sarah needs it.
Thank you
You know something I just thought of, I am the first person to say to friends who are struggleing "Go to the local services, they can help with food vouchers/ utility bills/ accomodation/ funding" but yet I can't handle having to use it myself and I guess there is no difference between me getting funding for food than getting funding for respite care/holidays. and It is only until I can get back on my feet in a week or so.
Wow SJL I didn't know your story and I already thought you were a great mum, now I think you're just amazing! You have done such a wonderful thing giving your DD a home when her own parents couldn't handle it. You deserve all the support in the world and those services are there for people exactly like you - who are doing their best to look after their kids and going through a tough time. Biggest hugs for you and we are all behind you..... a few words of encouragement for you here
I'm so sorry, I didn't realise until how much you are going through and how much of an amazing person you are. If any one deserves a bit of a helping hand it's you, and if I could I would give you some of my own money to help out, but unfortunately I am struggling and I haven't even had all the things going on this year that you have. As everyone else has said, don't feel like a failure. Just the fact that you took your DD into your care when no one else was willing to, that shows such strength. Yes, you chose it, but does that mean you deserve help any less than someone who didn't choose to be in that situation? NO! You deserve it just as much if not more because you knew what you would be taking on and you still chose to do it. Your DD has a loving, wonderful mother who is doing everything in her power to provide for her, and that is what matter the most.
Most of the single mothers I have talked to in my area have said they have all had to get free food or vouchers at some point. I had to do it when I was pregnant and still with ExP. These days I am just lucky that Mum puts up with me at home for now.. There are days when I run out of money (and can't ask Mum for help because she has already left for work) and have to scrounge around for change just to catch the bus to uni and I wonder how single parents do it when they don't have the type of support I have.. When they have to pay rent or a mortgage, rates and electricity bills, and everything else under the sun, all by themselves - I'm just in awe. You're doing an amazing job. Just remember it's braver to ask for help when you need it, rather than never admit there is a problem and struggle on when you could be getting some much deserved help.
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