Thanks for you comments and support.
I am trying not to beat my self up too much.
I guess what gets to me the most is because I choose to be in the situation I am in. I choose to take Sarah on instead of letting her parents hand her over to DHS to be placed in an institution because they couldn't handle her disability and I have always had this unrealistic fear that if I can't provide for her then Sarah would be taken off me (when I first started the legal process to become her legal mother DHS said I couldn't do it because I was too young and single) I am always OTT with making sure she has everything and she always looks presentable (even if I don't) and asking for help is a big no-no. I asked for help last year because we became homeless(all sorted now) and that was hard to ask especially since I was told by a very supportive friend to tell everything that was going on including talking about why I had to move from where we were with support to meet Sarah''s needs (I moved due to disclosing about childhood sexual abuse and the related court case to my mother, I couldn't handle living there after telling her what her ExP had done to me and her tell all reaction to knowing). After that help I promised Sarah I would always provide for her no matter how tough things got, this year has been so hard but I have always given her what she needs and now when things arn't so stressed (She is out of hospital, court is finished, uni has finished for the year, TAFE has finished completely) and now things hit financially. All I had to do was make it through one more pay day and then the centrelink bonus comes in but I can't make it.

My family are no support. When I became Sarah's mother my sister told I was making the worst decision in my life. When we became homeless she told me I could move in with her but Sarah would have to go into care for that to happen (Which I would not do, no one will ever seperate us). My brothers live interstate/international at the moment so they are no help and my father does not accept Sarah as part of the family, he wont help me because he thinks it is my own fault I am struggling.

I shall try to not beat my self up too much and I shall accept what we have been given, everyone is right it doesn't matter how the food made it's way into the pantry it is here to be eaten when Sarah needs it.

Thank you

You know something I just thought of, I am the first person to say to friends who are struggleing "Go to the local services, they can help with food vouchers/ utility bills/ accomodation/ funding" but yet I can't handle having to use it myself and I guess there is no difference between me getting funding for food than getting funding for respite care/holidays. and It is only until I can get back on my feet in a week or so.