How did you cope financially?

[all girls]

Thanks Lulu2, i just can't live like this anymore, he makes me feel like the biggest waste of space, we don't have joint accounts, he has his own money and doesn't give me any and has recently gone sailing in spain for almost 4 weeks and left me with $500 and then said he works bloody hard and earned it. I have a job but currently am only doing 6 hours a week as i am still bf, i can have more hours if or when i want them.

I am not sure but get the feeling he is seeing someone else or thinking about it anyway, plus recently found out he went to strip club both when i was pregnant and then a week after i had his 4th child. He is all of a sudden saying he isn't happy which is pi$$ing me off as i have put up with his crap for so many years.

Sorry for the whinge i just am over it all and am so torn with what to do.....

We have a mortgage so if he left would he pay the mortgage in stead of giving me money?? Do you know what happens there?

[mum3girls]

Lulu's already given you some great advice, so I'll just answer re: the mortgage. The best option would be to get legal advice regarding that, as it is an asset that belongs to both you and DH. He would still have to pay you child support, you actually have to apply for child support in order to receive certain payments from Centrelink (sorry can't remember all details, been awhile).

And big hugs for you, I'm sure it's not an easy decision but hopefully will be the best one for you, your girls and your hubby as well. One of my fav. Dr Phil-isms that I think applies to this situation is "children would rather be from a broken home than in a broken home".

Hope everything works out for you

[Lulu]

Get hold of those financial records as soon as is possible without him knowing.
What a bastardio - going sailing and leaving you with 4 kids! This ones not gonna like parting with the cashola, keep one step ahead of him.

I know it sounds pretty full on, but if you look at all your options and at least KNOW you don't have to put up with this, you can make a clearer decision. Sometimes having the weight of the "what happens if we split" scenario sorted can give you the time to think about what the right choice is. You need to weigh it all up for yourself.

Im not sure what would happen, but he would have to pay you some child support and I think you can claim a "spousal maintenance" thing too. You may have to call CSA or Legal Aid. You would be able to claim Govt Support (which you are entitled to as an Aust Citizen) and not be totally reliant on him. You can get various concessions on your utilities etc.

Geez, Im still shirty at the thought of him treating himself to a 4 week holiday - WTF is the $500 for? To live on for the month???

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Geez, Im still shirty at the thought of him treating himself to a 4 week holiday - WTF is the $500 for? To live on for the month???

That's what I was thinking, what a jerk.

Trina, I'm sorry to hear this hun. I can't offer advice just wanted to send some hugs.
My stepdad left my mum almost six months ago when their twin baby girls were just ten weeks old... they were in goodness knows how much IVF debt from the babies he now claims he didn't want ... because with three kids already and a passionate hate for pregnancy mum definitely wanted them all on her own So now mum has a 16, 11 and two eight month olds... different but not dissimilar.

Anyhow, sorry for my vent there, all the best sweetheart. We're all here for you.

[Footsteps]

haven't got no advice just wanted to give you big .
you and your 4 beautiful girls will be ok.
take care
rachxxxx

[Pandora]

what Lulu said.

You need to make an appt with a family lawyer and get some advice, on custody, property settlements etc. They should be able to give you the best advice for your situation.

Register yourself with legal aid in your area too.

[all girls]

Thanks for all your replies geez there are so many things to sort out and think about hey..

You kinda lose hope in relationships at this stage

Cookiemonster your poor Mum she sounds like a trooper hope she is ok. Probably better off without him anyway.

I am sick of feeling trapped and helpless, stuck at home with not even 5c to go buy toilet paper (yep all day today thank goodness i had tissues)

My hat goes off to all you single parents out there it is such a tough thing to go through

[melbel]

To be honest he sounds to me like a bit of a control freak and he is thinking he holds power over you because he holds the purse strings. Make sure you have all your ducks lined up before you do anything because he sounds like he would play hard ball all the way.
Get details of his employment and salary etc especially if he is self employed. it is theones who are self employed that are very clever at hiding what they are really worth so suss out any evidence that will help you down the track. And please tell me the mortgage is in joint names not just his...not that it matters so much these days but it does make it easier.
And.....this is just my opinion....don't you be the one to leave thehouse. You have four children whos security is paramount....if worst comes to worst chaneg the locks when he is not home, ring centrelink and tell them you have separated so he has no legal recourse to renter the house except to get personal belongings. Then you can be nice andlet him have some possessions but dont' you be the one to have to the crawling back to him for anything cos by the sounds of it he will give you nothing.....let hime fight for the scraps!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

double post... stupid slow internet.