^ Arg, I know what you guys mean about said 'friend'... I have one like that. She just turned 30 and has three kids, and yet EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND she is out clubbing with her 'girls' and leaving her DP at home with the kids (two of which aren't his) or dumping her two eldest with their dad so he doesn't whinge about having to look after all 3 kids...
she spends every cent she earns on buying new clothes and shoes and getting her hair done for the upcoming weekend, and then God knows how much she spends on getting drunk every Friday and Saturday night... and yet she complains that her kids drive her nuts and she soooo needs 'some me time' and carries on - and here's me, who has been out drinking ONCE since DD was born nearly two whole years ago, and I'm like 'wtf are you TALKING about you need a 'break', you get one every fricking weekend and if you want to waste it getting blind and being too sick to enjoy it, you've only got yourself to blame there!'
It makes me crazy, I see all these photos of her on FB the next week, all glammed up and looking great and happy and having an awesome time, and I'm like 'Man, that could be me... but I have, ya know, responsibilities to my family, and that means skipping expensive nights out so DD can have nice things and actually being there for her rather than leaving her with a babysitter and then being so hungover for the next 48 hours that I don't really have anything to do with her'....
I mean, I chose to have children, that's the sacrifice I make. I don't begrudge anybody some time out and a fun weekend, but jeeeez, this girl does it EVERY weekend and I'm like 'wtf? you have kids at home, why don't you try being a mother instead of desperately trying to regain your lost youth?'
Im 24 and have a 4 year old daughter so I totally get where you are coming from. I too at times feel a little bummed that Im being a 40 yr old when Im only 24.. I do get frustrated at times when everyone around me who is my age are travelling the world, finishing their uni degrees, clubbing each weekend, shopping etc... I think we all feel like that.. its only natural. Dont feel bad.
I have days where I stay at home in my pjs and play barbies and watch numerous episodes of Dora the Explorer and you know what - thats ok....I have a beautiful, healthy little girl and I wouldnt trade her for anything. Our children are going to be all grown up while we're still fairly young so whatever you feel you are missing out on you can catchup on later in life. Life isnt about getting drunk every weekend - I feel sorry for young mums that feel the need to do that each weekend and dump the kids on their childs father or grandparents.. My daughters dad has her every second weekend.. some weekends that he has her I dont go out at all..I might just stay in and paint my nails and be in bed at 8pm lol - I guess as you grow up and your child gets older, it gets easier and you adjust to it all and you slowly forget about what everyone else your age is doing.
But yeah -- I know how you feel :0( Things will get better, every week theres always a bad day or 2 but theres always a 100 other days that are great and make up for the bad ones ;0)
Was looking on here for some support and looks like I have it here.
I am 23 and have 2 girls under 2 years old (the youngest is not even a month old) and I have suddenly found myself a single mum. I truly feel like I am going to go insane, I am not the stay at home mum type (have always worked) and although I never did the going out and getting drunk thing I already miss being able to look at what I want to look at whilst shopping and know I will want to go out just to relax but don't see how it will be possible now.
Am also sick of feeling like a dag! Am lucky to get out of PJ's and into trakkies!! Feel like I should just wear my 'good' clothes around the house as they won't get worn other wise.
DD was a surprise baby so I do sometimes feel like I didn't get done everything I wanted to before having children. I would never trade her for the world but sometimes I do wish I could just watch DvDs all night and sleep in late the next morning or join my friends on pub crawls. I'm 21 so all of my friends are off doing things every weekend and I only can occasionally (actually, just the once since she was born) but I think they look at me with jealousy also, iykwim. They are supportive and visit me, since it is easier so I really appreciate that but when they talk about their trips to Europe or Uni exams, I feel like I'm missing out (I have already been to Europe but you know). I know it will be great when DD is older and I'm still young enough to persue the things I want to and I love that I had her young as it has its advantages but I do have days when I just wish I wasn't a Mum.
Last edited by Jellyfish; June 1st, 2009 at 08:22 AM.
I was 17 when I had my eldest, so I can relate. After the divorce, I did feel a little resentful. He wanted the kids, and then when we separated, he didn't want them anymore and my teenage years were gone. I was 20, with 2 kids 24/7 and while I loved my kids to death, I still longed to be like other 20yos.
I really can relate to how conflicted you must be feeling right now.
The only thing I can tell you is - this too shall pass.
There is a lot of fun to be had without going out on a saturday night, and I found that once I found 'Mr Right', any and all desire to go out and party or have this massive social life faded into the background. My DH is forever worried that because I never had it, I will regret it all later and might blame him, so he is forever offering to watch all the kids while I go out with my sister or find some friends. I don't want to go anywhere if he isnt going too. Its not the place, or the activity - its the people, and he and the kids are my people.
I hope you get to find your "happily ever after" sometime soon too.
Hey Tara, i totally hear you im 19 with a 4mnth old and as much as i love her to death ive 4gotten how it feels to just do anything without it being such a big thing. i miss the freedom of sleeping hanging out with friends etc but saying all of that i wouldnt trade it for the world
xxx
hey hun I totally get where your coming from. I became a single mum at your age, with a 17 month old and a 3 month old. It was tough and there were times when I was going mad. But these days, I now have another bubba after a breif relationship, and things are much better.
Yes you can't do everything like your friends can, but there is more to life than drinking and partying. I still take time to do those things, I'll either get a babysitter like my mum, or get the older boys father to watch them and a friend to look after Ashton, or like the other night I had a friend up from Hobart (Im in Launceston) and I got a couple of packs of formula and we all had a drink together.
As for your friend, sounds like a tinge of jealousy lol but I can't blame you. Maybe you could approach it like she is, take up offers from family or close friends. It's not bad to have a night out and enjoy yourself, accept that party invitation, head to the movies or go on a date. Just because your now mummy doesn't mean you aren't YOU. Everyone needs ME time.
Registered User
but saying all of that i wouldnt trade it for the world
I totally get where your coming from. I became a single mum at your age, with a 17 month old and a 3 month old. It was tough and there were times when I was going mad. But these days, I now have another bubba after a breif relationship, and things are much better.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks