i feel so bad!!

[organicem]

Was looking on here for some support and looks like I have it here.
I am 23 and have 2 girls under 2 years old (the youngest is not even a month old) and I have suddenly found myself a single mum. I truly feel like I am going to go insane, I am not the stay at home mum type (have always worked) and although I never did the going out and getting drunk thing I already miss being able to look at what I want to look at whilst shopping and know I will want to go out just to relax but don't see how it will be possible now.

Am also sick of feeling like a dag! Am lucky to get out of PJ's and into trakkies!! Feel like I should just wear my 'good' clothes around the house as they won't get worn other wise.

[Jellyfish]

DD was a surprise baby so I do sometimes feel like I didn't get done everything I wanted to before having children. I would never trade her for the world but sometimes I do wish I could just watch DvDs all night and sleep in late the next morning or join my friends on pub crawls. I'm 21 so all of my friends are off doing things every weekend and I only can occasionally (actually, just the once since she was born) but I think they look at me with jealousy also, iykwim. They are supportive and visit me, since it is easier so I really appreciate that but when they talk about their trips to Europe or Uni exams, I feel like I'm missing out (I have already been to Europe but you know). I know it will be great when DD is older and I'm still young enough to persue the things I want to and I love that I had her young as it has its advantages but I do have days when I just wish I wasn't a Mum.

[Inertia]

I was 17 when I had my eldest, so I can relate. After the divorce, I did feel a little resentful. He wanted the kids, and then when we separated, he didn't want them anymore and my teenage years were gone. I was 20, with 2 kids 24/7 and while I loved my kids to death, I still longed to be like other 20yos.
I really can relate to how conflicted you must be feeling right now.

The only thing I can tell you is - this too shall pass.

There is a lot of fun to be had without going out on a saturday night, and I found that once I found 'Mr Right', any and all desire to go out and party or have this massive social life faded into the background. My DH is forever worried that because I never had it, I will regret it all later and might blame him, so he is forever offering to watch all the kids while I go out with my sister or find some friends. I don't want to go anywhere if he isnt going too. Its not the place, or the activity - its the people, and he and the kids are my people.

I hope you get to find your "happily ever after" sometime soon too.

[Butterfly Child]

Hey Tara, i totally hear you im 19 with a 4mnth old and as much as i love her to death ive 4gotten how it feels to just do anything without it being such a big thing. i miss the freedom of sleeping hanging out with friends etc but saying all of that i wouldnt trade it for the world
xxx

[Tinks]

I had babies very young and feel exactly the same as you! I get so envious of my firends whithout kids. It seems to me that they all have fantastic jobs, they're all going on overseas holidays and partying all weekend I just feel as though I've missed out on a 'life'. If I'd waited to have kids I could have done more with my life.....BUT then I remember that they are now in their mid 30's and only starting to have families. When my kids are turning 18 I'll only be 40ish and still young enough to enjoy life without kids - they will still be running around after little children at 40! That makes me feel better


Youngmumma I wonder if you have someone who can look after your little boy once a month so you can go out and be 'young'? If you live near me I'd be only to happy to help you.

[dust]

I was 17 when I had my eldest, so I can relate. After the divorce, I did feel a little resentful. He wanted the kids, and then when we separated, he didn't want them anymore and my teenage years were gone. I was 20, with 2 kids 24/7 and while I loved my kids to death, I still longed to be like other 20yos.
I really can relate to how conflicted you must be feeling right now.

The only thing I can tell you is - this too shall pass.

There is a lot of fun to be had without going out on a saturday night, and I found that once I found 'Mr Right', any and all desire to go out and party or have this massive social life faded into the background. My DH is forever worried that because I never had it, I will regret it all later and might blame him, so he is forever offering to watch all the kids while I go out with my sister or find some friends. I don't want to go anywhere if he isnt going too. Its not the place, or the activity - its the people, and he and the kids are my people.

I hope you get to find your "happily ever after" sometime soon too.

:yeahthat:

I had my eldest 4 months before turning 21. I didnt have the usual big 21st bash. instead a very very quiet DH, bub and me party. Yes i was married, im grateful for that! I don't think i could be as strong like single mums.

Ive seen a partying young mum (a girl who i knew from school) turn into a alcoholic, which was so sad for the little boy! I knew her friends who would be always babysitting the little boy, wondering where his mum was!! eek!!

Whats that line... if your not happy with what you have already, you wont ever be happy? e.g you may think that by winning lotto will make you instantly happy, but it won't. I try to keep that in mind, even now.. when hearing thru facebook what my single or without kids, high school friends are up to.. living & working overseas, clubbing, working in coastal spain, worrying about their fake tans & what to wear to the races etc, finishing a master degree at uni etc..But yeah its hard!! Here i am frumpy, pregnant, with baby snot smeared on my top, baskets of dirty laundry and wondering what i will bake for DD to have in her lunch box next week.

[Visitor8]

hey hun I totally get where your coming from. I became a single mum at your age, with a 17 month old and a 3 month old. It was tough and there were times when I was going mad. But these days, I now have another bubba after a breif relationship, and things are much better.

Yes you can't do everything like your friends can, but there is more to life than drinking and partying. I still take time to do those things, I'll either get a babysitter like my mum, or get the older boys father to watch them and a friend to look after Ashton, or like the other night I had a friend up from Hobart (Im in Launceston) and I got a couple of packs of formula and we all had a drink together.

As for your friend, sounds like a tinge of jealousy lol but I can't blame you. Maybe you could approach it like she is, take up offers from family or close friends. It's not bad to have a night out and enjoy yourself, accept that party invitation, head to the movies or go on a date. Just because your now mummy doesn't mean you aren't YOU. Everyone needs ME time.