It's Over! :(

[Oscar&Grouch]

i dont even know where to start!
the past week me and DP or should i say XDP have been having some issues.

He is 24 years old and is still in "im 18 and single mode" he goes out from friday night till sunday night EVERY weekend gets absolutly blind and stumbles home about 530am sleeps ALL day then does it again and struggles at work for the rest of the week!

Up until now i havent really said much besides giving the old silent treatment etc... anyway he went out last saturday night till about 5am came home drunk woke up hungover, wow what a great start to valentines day! anyway so me and DP decided for valentines day we would enjoy all our couple and single friends over for a bbq lunch/dinner, so DP takes this oppertunity to get on the beers no were not talking 2 or 4 were talking nearly half a carton! anyway while im cleaning clearing the mess from all the drunks i hear DP orginizing to go hit up the clubs! forgets its valentines day and that im his fiancee and that i might of wanted him home!
anyway his out till again 5am, he gets home has monday off fine, i carry on with my normal duties untill he starts telling me about this chick asking him to come home with her, apparently his response was sorry i have a fiancee and she replys "oh dw she will never find out"
i just seen red! im sick and tired of him going out p!ssing our money up the wall! im sick of feeling like im a single parent on the weekend i didnt for sure didnt make these children on my own so why should i raise them alone! blah blah blah
anyway his reply to me was that his not inlove with me anymore that ever since ive had DS ive changed to a total different person im not fun, im boring etc,etc.
WTF im exactly the same person except unlike him my prioritys in life have changed!

Anyway last night we had another arguement so bad that DP walked out, and didnt come home, i litrally called him 60 times to get NO answer or reply to my texts. i continued trying this morning and got myself soo worked up the only way i could think of stopping doing this to myself was to smash my phone on the tiles (to which it broke which is what i wanted) anyway so i go onto FB about lunch time to see his status update being how his "being a VIP at a surf comp with free beers" so he can go on FB but cant pick up any of my phone calls FFS im pregnant with his child im the mother of his SON how do i not deserve to know where he is!
anyway i keep looking to find his changed his relationship status to single!

i dont know what to do! how do i deal with this? im so lost.
how do i sleep tonight knowing his never coming home to me.
how do i look at my DS when his a spitting image of XDP!!
i just want to curl up into a ball and hide.
im sorry if this doesnt make sense... and i dont really know what im asking for writing this... i guess i just need some help on dealing with a breakup that has so much involved (eg, a house, a kid and a pregnancy!) how could he be so selfish!!

TIA

[Winter]

Can't read and not reply hun, you need some of these They are big & squishy and come with tissues...

It will all work out in the end, darling girl. Its just one foot in front of the other for the moment, look after you, your son & baking that baby.

[rhyb]

Aww honey be brave and strong for your babies

[Stevie]

i couldnt read and not post.
im strapped for time atm, but i promise i will be bbl to reply properly, big sweetheart, and dont stress yourself out!!
xxx

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Oh babe, i am so sorry

I dont even know where to begin to try console you as i know right now no words will heal the pain. I can't believe that he would leave you like that, and tell you its over by FB. I hope he just needs to cool down and he comes back and talk to you while hes calm.

His way of thinking really puzzles me, of course you have changed since having your son. You are now responsible of a little person, you have had to say good bye to your old life and be there for your son. You are no way boring, he should appreciate you and the son that you both brought into this world, if he sat down for half a second with his family he would realise that. He has some growing up to do.

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[BellyBelly]

I think every woman I know is scared of being alone after a separation. The first week especially can be hard... but you know what, when you find peace with it, its awesome. More things get done and organised. You become a team with your own kids! You don't need him - heck what is he doing to you!!! Life is for living and enjoying, and while we are with someone who continually disrespects us, we're walking a track waaaay off where we should be... happiness. They can't take that away from us, and we can always find it.... and its not with a man who like beers, skanks and clubs. But a man who loves YOU and being with you.

[BellyBelly]

Hey hon,

*huge hugs* first of all.

It's so hard to know what to say in these times but I think he's done you a favour. What got me through my recent breakup was the knowledge that I was going to be free to find a person who would meet my needs much better. There IS someone out there for you who wont do this to you and leave you feeling this way. Yes it is painful, yes it hurts... but you are going to be so much happier... you just have to believe that. I have also started enjoying my time to do whatever I want... so much more relaxed without all the stress and anxiety.

Check out Byron Katie's work to help you get through, its brilliant. Pregnancy, Birth & Baby At BellyBelly. The Best Pregnancy, Birth & Baby Articles Online! I think it is - you can download her worksheets free and its brilliant stuff.

[Oscar&Grouch]

thankyou so much BellyBelly- i know i deserve better and that there is someone out there for me! i think im just scared of being or feeling alone. i dont want to waste my time wondering where he is for the rest of my life!

winter and rhyb- thanks for the squishy cuddles. :hugs: they really mean alot right now! i cant even talk to friends as we share mutural friends and i have been told NOT to call or talk to his mum or our friends! just to leave them alone!

[diannescruffy]

hun, to be honest sounds like you will be better off without him. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like that. It will be his loss. Will be thinking of you.

Regards,
Dianne

[AliBaby]

Big You poor thing. I am so sorry for what he is putting you through right now

[Inertia]

You are stronger than you think. ...... yes yes, i got it off my daughter who got it off barbie, but its true.

i have been told NOT to call or talk to ... our friends! just to leave them alone!

What is that about though?

[Doing my best]

i have been told NOT to call or talk to his mum or our friends! just to leave them alone!

Are you normally close to his Mum? If so, I think you should still call her. She would want to know what kind of a tool he is being, and she will more than likely help you, after all you are the mother of her grandchildren.

Maybe your friends can't understand the children side of things, but I am sure his mum will.

But in the meantime, I can offer more hugs..

[Oscar&Grouch]

me and his mother have recently become extremly close she rings me more than him!
she is aware of what a tool he is being i talked to her last night when he walked out. he is avoiding her calls also. i will call her in the morning and maybe go have a coffee with her! im just afraid i guess because at the end of the day thats "her" son iykwim?
then i think she would be highly dissapointed in his actions as she knows about his partying ways and has on several occasions tried to talk with him, he changes for a couple of days then the weekend comes the mates call and well i have old sam back!
its really like speaking to a brick wall!

[Shades]

Don't be afraid to see his mum, she may be *his* mum, but your DS and preggybelly are *her* grandchildren!!

[alioops]

It may seem strange me posting here, but at the moment I am going it alone. My DH is defence and spends a fair bit of time away from home.

Being on your own is not easy. Especially when pregnant. So I understand that part of it. I do hope that he sees some sense. I am also learning to interpret "man speak" so if DH needs time to himself, I leave him to it. "Man Speak" for 'I don't wanna talk about it now' does actually mean "I'll come back and talk when I have processed it" whereas woman speak for the same thing is "I want to talk and I need a hug". Get some support around you, and let him cool down.

Meanwhile, don't break anything else

[Oscar&Grouch]

alioops- oh gosh i know i am devostated about my phone, but it was the only way to stop myself going insane seriously
as for his "mantalk" i was hoping it would be like that. but his still not home now so i think its well and truely over! none of his mates have kids and there all still partying and unfortunatly ive lost my fiancee to beers, skanks and clubs
i would rather do it now then him come back and play his stupid silly games!
worst part i find out my wedding is off overr FB!

[Oscar&Grouch]

thanks blusky!

Diannescruffy- i know i am better off without him! im just going to do this for me i need to concerntrate on DS and my pregnancy, in the end i guess its only his loss, he will of lost more than i will have! right?

1sttimemumma- exactly what i said to him when he said this to me!! what the hell does he want me to do chuck oscar in my baby bjorn and hit up the clubs i guess ill never understand the way he is thinking but hopefully when he gets his chain of thoughts back he will realise and ill be to far gone to look back!

BellyBelly- Your right! me and DS do fine on our own on the weekend! its not like him not being home is a shock!

Alibaby- thanks for cuddles! truely appreciated atm!

[Oscar&Grouch]

Inertia- He wont want me talking to our mutural friends as then he will look bad!
my bestfriend i accually met thru him as she is dating his best mate! and he will of told people ie his mates the reason for our breakup is because i was to strick on him going out! because all his mates used to joke about "oh have you asked mum aka me if you can come out"