Who says you can't feel sexy or go out just because you're a mum? Did I miss that memo? I must have. And I must be a god awful mother for going out a few months after DD was born to let my hair down, when she was in the safe care of her father. Horrid. What next's next... neglect? Abuse? Quick call DoCS.

It is NORMAL to feel like this. And there is nothing wrong with wanting a night out. So start planning one. I'm not telling you to go out and get wasted... you probably wouldn't even need a drop of alcohol to have a good time... I daresay the high of being your own person for an evening would be enough (even if it takes you half the night to get over the fact you feel like someone chopped your arm off because she's not with you). And I'll tell you now... what you are going through IS normal. And don't say pfft to age. Age does play a part of it IMO. Not because you're an immature git, who wants to go out to party. But because you're used to having your freedom. I was the same. And it's HARD when you know pretty much no one your age going through what you're going through. Priorities change, instead of dramas about what you're going to wear, becomes OMG can I find something without spew or poo on it?! It ALL changes. And yes sometimes you look back and think, gawd I took my life for granted. And other times you'll sit there and you'll smell that little head, and you'll kiss it and you'll think... what the hell did I do with my life before this!?! AND... (thank goodness I'm typing and don't need to take a breath!) you have just seperated from the love of your life, and you are struggling with the emotions of that. And y'know what this isn't what you had planned damnit. You weren't supposed to be doing this on your own. You had written the story... and this wasn't the freakin' ending dammit. YOU and HIM were going to do this together. And you look around and see he's missing and go WTF?! SO YES it's ok to be lonely.

YOU will get through this. Your loneliness will fade, and you will find a new normal that is with or without DH. But in the meantime mum does NOT = NO FUN. If you want to let your hair down that does not mean you are careless, neglectful or not as much a mother as the next person. I do not buy into that I will sacrifice myself in order to prove how much I love my children crap. How does that work for you when your kids are 18 and you have no idea who the hell you are. Then you become one of those MIL's that people ***** about on forums who are interfering because they have no life besides their children. Or worse you have a midlife crisis at 30 and go nuts partying every night. I know what I'd rather. The occasional (non wild) night off, whether it's at home, or out... I let my hair down. And I enjoy it. I surround myself with my friends, I talk about other things besides birth, babies, school, children etc etc. And I don't lose touch with who I am. What my needs are...

Do not fall into the mummy has no life trap. And pick up that thing called a phone and reach out to those who want to be there for you, and they don't have to have babies to keep you company. And if they bring up the separation and you don't want to talk about it be straight... get the elephant out of the room and then enjoy some awesome company.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... the first few months of being a mummy can be lonely... and on it's own so can separation... and you've done both in the space of a month... So be kind to yourself. And be selfish. It will keep you sane. xxx