Ok now for the second instalment of... "duh duh duuuhhhh" mel's rant on how she got to where she is now... (which isn't a bad place after all)
ok wel after the ultrasound, me and XP were a bit frantic trying to decide whether to keep little tadpole or not... i really really wanted to but couldn't help but have these bad little thoughts in the back of my mind telling me that i was too young, not married, not ready... blah blah blah... i was tossing up between yay or nay for weeks, it was getting closer to the cut off date for a "termination" and i still wasn't completely decided, meanwhile XP was surprisingly ok with the prospect of being a father, but little did i know, he hadn't been to work for weeks... and was telling me that he was! that was all i needed, i went off at him, how dare he not go to work knowing he has a baby on the way! i could've throttled him! i almost did, but then all the promises, "i'll go to work", "don't worry i'll support you when the baby arrives" BLAH... BLAH... and stupid me believed him, again...
so yeah, the day i decided to keep li'l froggy was a pretty good day all up, XP and i were on our way back to my place from an outing with our mates and we finally came to a decision, WE'RE HAVING A BABY! i almost crashed the car i was so excited! we both kinda knew all along that we'd keep it but it wasn't in concrete until i said it... it was like a big crate of poop had been lifted off my shoulders, i was so happy, and XP ws ecstatic because it was the first time he'd seen me really "happy" in a while.
when we got back to my place, my sister was there n we told her, at first she jumped up and screamed at me n told me i was making the biggest mistake of my life... (of course now he's her favourite little nephew n reckons she loves him more than i do! hah!)
my sister and i had a big fight that afternoon but she eventually calmed down and got pretty excited about having a little baby around... as you do...
well that was that hurdle to get over, now for the mountain of telling my parents *sigh* i could've had a coronary there and then when i realised... but when i told them they too were surprisingly good about it... i told them i knew what i was getting myself into(no i didnt) and i could handle it (yeah right), of course at that stage i had a partner promising me and my family the world and that he would look after me and bubs... WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! for the next week or so it was ok, XP was working, was planning to move in and everything seemed to be going ok, and then it happened again, XP decided he didn't want to work anymore and stay home watching tv all day... what he didn't realise was that this b!tch was on a hormone hike and the volcano was about to erupt... oh boy did i scream! i was screaming so much his drunk father came staggering in n thought one of us was dying! (and yes you heard me, DRUNK father)
anywho, after all the yelling and screaming i dished out, i threatened to leave him, and of course he came running after me and told me not to go... so i didn't... again...
and then starts a new era of fights...
oh its easy! its become second nature to me to just cut off whenever i like! being pregnant i couldnt help it with the pregnant brain n all but now i just do it to irritate people! although... sometimes my pregnant brain comes back to haunt me and i forget what i'm doing or what i'm talking about!
but i'm doing it on here because it would take me hours to write the whole story in one go... and if i lost it i would be EXTREMELY cranky, just look at the last post i did before todays instalment and u'll get the picture, and that was only a few paragraphs!!
dont worry yourself too much ill write some more tomorrow or thursday!
thanking u cindyb!
yes i'm quite proud of my accomplishment i must say, i only make the cute ones!
yeah i'm a mother with a hig pitched sqeel and sarcasm coming out of my a$$... blame my father, bloody men!
Welcome! I fell preg at 17 and had DD at 18 so I know how hard it can be being a young mother, let alone a single young mother. About finding yourself; you will discover many things about yourself from being a mother. It changes you forever. I had no idea that I had the capacity to love someone as much as I love my daughter. Nothing and no one could EVER compare, nothing else really matters, whenever I feel awful I think of how lucky I am to have a beautiful, healthy daughter. Having her has given me a whole new perspective on what it means to me a human being, a woman, a mother. So don't worry about not knowing yourself yet! Your baby will not only help you discover who you are, he will fundamentally change who you are (for the better!).
looking forward to hear from you soon - hoping that your story has a happy ending
Random Act of Kindness Recipient
My story... (part 2) "promises, promises..."
ah the miracle of pregnant brain...
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