hi all,
i'm farely new to bb, mother to a beautiful baby boy Ashton Mark who's 2 months tomorrow, only just joined a couple of weeks ago and havent had the chance to actually sit down for longer than 20 minutes, but i'm here now and i really need a rant about my stupid XP...
its been a long bumpy ride for me since i fell pregnant, the XP was never any help, even before i was preggers, i dont know what i ever saw in him, now that i look back i cringe at how bad my judgement was when i met him, i think i must of had the love blinkers on.... he was alright for the first couple of months, then we started fighting over tiny little things, most of the time he would pick the fight and i would bite the bait in an instant(stupid temper!). i would ask him to do things a million times and then he would get all uppy because i was "whingeing"... and we all know that i wouldn't be "whingeing" at him so much if he just got off his lazy ass and did what he was supposed to!
oh and dont get me started on his fricken lazyness! to give you a bit of an idea, 4 jobs in 4 months...every one he was fired from because he didnt turn up for work... no call, no message, nothing... and then he would get cranky at me for asking him to get another job!!
meanwhile, as the petrol keeps dripping on the fire... little did we know, baby ashton mark is but an egg slowly growing and growing... i found out i was pregnant about 4 weeks in... my period was 2 weeks late and i didn't feel right... so i took a pregnancy test and low and behold, test is positive! oh joyous me wat a catastrophy!
my first thought was that i couldnt possibly have a baby this young! not married! a good christian girl like me! i was so scared, i told XP and he actually took it pretty well... he just asked me what i wanted to do, of course i told him i didn't know, i had no idea! the decision whether to terminate or keep the pregnancy was killing me, i so badly wanted to keep it, i was so excited at the prospect of having a baby, but on the other hand i was only 20, hadn't even found my own feet in life yet and already i'm growing some more! it took me almost 2 months to make up my mind, meanwhile the fighting still remained, and began to get worse, we even took a trip to the family planning centre about a termination, they suggested we go get an ultrasound... so we did... and that was it, we both looked at eachother and just knew we had to keep this little miracle, that was the first time in a long time me and XP were really happy... that lasted about a week... then the dramas started... oooh the dramas...
but that is for another post!
stay tuned, ill be back tomorrow to right some more!
I JUST WROTE A WHOLE PAGE OF MY NEXT CHAPTER AND THE STUPID COMPUTER ERASED IT!!!
i'm sorry i really have to swear profusely right about now...
**** THIS STUPID **** I HATE THIS ****IING COMPUTER ITS A PEICE OF ****!!
i'm also sorry but i'm not going to write it again so you'll have to wait until i post it again in a day or two... i'm too ****ed off to write anything but smut at the moment...
Ok now for the second instalment of... "duh duh duuuhhhh" mel's rant on how she got to where she is now... (which isn't a bad place after all)
ok wel after the ultrasound, me and XP were a bit frantic trying to decide whether to keep little tadpole or not... i really really wanted to but couldn't help but have these bad little thoughts in the back of my mind telling me that i was too young, not married, not ready... blah blah blah... i was tossing up between yay or nay for weeks, it was getting closer to the cut off date for a "termination" and i still wasn't completely decided, meanwhile XP was surprisingly ok with the prospect of being a father, but little did i know, he hadn't been to work for weeks... and was telling me that he was! that was all i needed, i went off at him, how dare he not go to work knowing he has a baby on the way! i could've throttled him! i almost did, but then all the promises, "i'll go to work", "don't worry i'll support you when the baby arrives" BLAH... BLAH... and stupid me believed him, again...
so yeah, the day i decided to keep li'l froggy was a pretty good day all up, XP and i were on our way back to my place from an outing with our mates and we finally came to a decision, WE'RE HAVING A BABY! i almost crashed the car i was so excited! we both kinda knew all along that we'd keep it but it wasn't in concrete until i said it... it was like a big crate of poop had been lifted off my shoulders, i was so happy, and XP ws ecstatic because it was the first time he'd seen me really "happy" in a while.
when we got back to my place, my sister was there n we told her, at first she jumped up and screamed at me n told me i was making the biggest mistake of my life... (of course now he's her favourite little nephew n reckons she loves him more than i do! hah!)
my sister and i had a big fight that afternoon but she eventually calmed down and got pretty excited about having a little baby around... as you do...
well that was that hurdle to get over, now for the mountain of telling my parents *sigh* i could've had a coronary there and then when i realised... but when i told them they too were surprisingly good about it... i told them i knew what i was getting myself into(no i didnt) and i could handle it (yeah right), of course at that stage i had a partner promising me and my family the world and that he would look after me and bubs... WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! for the next week or so it was ok, XP was working, was planning to move in and everything seemed to be going ok, and then it happened again, XP decided he didn't want to work anymore and stay home watching tv all day... what he didn't realise was that this b!tch was on a hormone hike and the volcano was about to erupt... oh boy did i scream! i was screaming so much his drunk father came staggering in n thought one of us was dying! (and yes you heard me, DRUNK father)
anywho, after all the yelling and screaming i dished out, i threatened to leave him, and of course he came running after me and told me not to go... so i didn't... again...
and then starts a new era of fights...
oh its easy! its become second nature to me to just cut off whenever i like! being pregnant i couldnt help it with the pregnant brain n all but now i just do it to irritate people! although... sometimes my pregnant brain comes back to haunt me and i forget what i'm doing or what i'm talking about!
but i'm doing it on here because it would take me hours to write the whole story in one go... and if i lost it i would be EXTREMELY cranky, just look at the last post i did before todays instalment and u'll get the picture, and that was only a few paragraphs!!
dont worry yourself too much ill write some more tomorrow or thursday!
my story...(part 1)
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Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh!!!!
My story... (part 2) "promises, promises..."
ah the miracle of pregnant brain...
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