Good o, hope you don't see him for awhile
You were doing a wonderful job of trying to consolidate a relationship. He was doing a wonderful job of taking advantage of that.
He's too selfish and certainly not ready for a relationship, baby or not. You were being slowly conditioned to accept his terms for a marriage and I'm glad you fought it and I hope (it's early days yet) you feel in your heart that it was wrong of him and terribly unfair. He doesn't want to be there (unless you are a doormat for him), and he is trying to make it all your fault. Pooey to that.
I hope you don't care that he says he doesn't trust you. You have done nothing wrong, when you feel that - well the TRUTH will set you free.
Don't let him come back for AT LEAST a month. Then you have time to clearly see the way things are without his manipulation.
Thanks Lulu and Tracy for your support.
Its good to know I have support on here, as I haven't had a chance to make friends since moving to sydney and my family live a long way away.
Thanks for the encouragement to not let him come back straight away, i'm determined not to. Hard though, would be good to have an extra set of hands to help with grocery shopping etc...
Don't know how I would go trusting him if he ever did come back. I don't know what he's up to now, if he has someone else and if he came back because that doesn't work out i don't know if I could have him after he's been with someone else and put me through all this iykwim? Would never know if he's being honest and if he is going to come home from work each day.
Oh Organicem, you have had so much going on!
Your husband has behaved in a deplorable manner and you certainly shouldn't have to put up with that. I agree with Lulu, you need some time on your own to sort out your feelings, don't let him back too soon, if at all. Easier said than done with 2 young children, I know, but it sounds like you have been doing things pretty much by yourself anyway.
I hope telling your story has helped you feel a little better.
Organicem - good for you! I hope that you get a resolution that works for you long term. After the birth of both my girls it took time for all the relationships within the family to settle down again. It is hard work with two littlies to look after - let alone another big kid. Make sure you look after yourself and I hope your partner gets some help (it sounds to me like he may have some mental health issues - this is very common for men after the arrival of a new baby too.).
Ok, so the other day I got back from visiting my mum (for DD1's 2nd birthday) and he calls me to ask if we can talk. "Sure, come over" I say and he pretty much begged to be allowed back home.
Then the next morning he left saying he needed to think and didn't think that it would work out after all.
Then he comes back and says he's here to stay and he wants to work on our relationship.
But... he didn't want to give me back my rings ("Lets wait for a special time").
He didn't unpack his bags, just used things as he needed them.
He wouldn't commit to plans for the future.
He decided that he is joining the police force asap and does not care anymore about being able to buy a house in 18months time.
He didn't want me to touch him after that first night.
So...I told him I wasn't happy and maybe we could have a talk about our expectations and what we can do to make each other happy.
His response "I came back too soon, I am still too hurt to give you the relationship you want and need so I will be leaving again".
You KNOW you didn't do anything wrong, please, please don't talk to him again unless its to work out when he will be visiting the children or something similar. He doesn't deserve you and I think he plays games.
He definately plays games, he is very good at making me feel guilty.
I really hope that he gets over his 'whatever is going ons' one day so we can be a family. But until i see a huge change I am determined to not let him hurt me anymore.
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