Ok, so the other day I got back from visiting my mum (for DD1's 2nd birthday) and he calls me to ask if we can talk. "Sure, come over" I say and he pretty much begged to be allowed back home.
Then the next morning he left saying he needed to think and didn't think that it would work out after all.
Then he comes back and says he's here to stay and he wants to work on our relationship.
But... he didn't want to give me back my rings ("Lets wait for a special time").
He didn't unpack his bags, just used things as he needed them.
He wouldn't commit to plans for the future.
He decided that he is joining the police force asap and does not care anymore about being able to buy a house in 18months time.
He didn't want me to touch him after that first night.
So...I told him I wasn't happy and maybe we could have a talk about our expectations and what we can do to make each other happy.
His response "I came back too soon, I am still too hurt to give you the relationship you want and need so I will be leaving again".
You KNOW you didn't do anything wrong, please, please don't talk to him again unless its to work out when he will be visiting the children or something similar. He doesn't deserve you and I think he plays games.
He definately plays games, he is very good at making me feel guilty.
I really hope that he gets over his 'whatever is going ons' one day so we can be a family. But until i see a huge change I am determined to not let him hurt me anymore.
Oh dear, you really have been put through the ringer!
Your DH sounds like an immature brat! Sounds to me like he just wants to be able to come and go as he pleases without any consequence. You need to decide whether you want to work on your relationship or not, if you don't want the marriage to continue don't let him come back again...if you do want to work on it, then he comes back and doesn't leave again (unless it's permanent)...don't let your home become a revolving door for him to use as the mood takes him.
My DH and I are no stranger to drama, lol, he has threatened to leave many a time...but he hasn't yet...he knows once that door is closed behind him, it doesn't open again! I have told him time after time if he wants to leave that's absolutely fine with me, just make sure you are 100% certain, cos you won't be coming back, LOL. Same goes for me...I have wanted to give up and leave as well, but I know once I leave, that's it, it's over, I won't be coming back!
Use this time without him around to think about what you really want for and your children. Don't be scared to "go it alone", you CAN do it! Sometimes I think the only reason I am still here, is because I'm too scared to leave.
Hi Marlene
Yes I need to be stronger this time.
I know I will be ok, I have pretty much looked after the girls by myself for 2 months now (even when he was here he wasn't here IYKWIM).
Am going to pick back up the plans I made last time he left: to make myself and the girls some friends, go back to work later in the year and save up and move closer to my family (who are wonderful and supportive).
Have decided definately that if he decides that he wants to be with me he is going to have to go about it the old fashioned way: courting me until I fall in love again.
At the moment I still love him, I always will. But he has hurt me too much for me to take it anymore.
I'm Weak!!
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me until I fall in love again.
if I were in Sydney I'd give you a hand....
You have all us here at BB if you ever need a chat.
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