Oh Organicem, you have had so much going on!
Your husband has behaved in a deplorable manner and you certainly shouldn't have to put up with that. I agree with Lulu, you need some time on your own to sort out your feelings, don't let him back too soon, if at all. Easier said than done with 2 young children, I know, but it sounds like you have been doing things pretty much by yourself anyway.
I hope telling your story has helped you feel a little better.