I think you're right about the intimidation there - i don't think he even ASKED a lawyer about that issue. Fathers DO have rights but not irrespective of the actual situation.

I just wanted to let you know that my exes pot smoking was one of the reasons i felt i couldn't stay with him and i too had major reservations about leaving DD with him overnight when i first left (she was 4 months old, i pumped my milk for the feeds she had at his and then gave him the milk to freeze), BUT he DID in fact fall in love with her and get his finger out and pull it together. He really doesn't smoke around her or before he's getting her and he never has anything remotely dangerous lying around either (another major fear of mine, that she'd find and eat his pot). He isn't breaking the law as the amount of pot he has counts as personal use and he would only be cautioned, tops, if i reported him.

He has sole care of DD for 24 hours a week, which is as much as he seems to want just now (in fact i often feel i am fighting to get him to take responsibility - when i first left him he was all "she's MY child and i have rights" but once he realised that all the things he refused to help me with he had to do himself when i wasn't there he stopped being bothered). I gave him nothing to fight about so we didn't fight.

He was a completely rubbish partner but he actually is quite a good father, so don't despair of him always being this way, for men as for women, parenting can force so much change.

Best of luck

Bx