I would like to share my story with people. I am a 24 year old and was involved in a relationship with a 21 year old male and after being together for 6 months, I found out that I was pregnant. My partner did not want to keep the child and ended the relationship but a week later he recognised that I was keeping the child with or without his support so we continued a relationship until July, it was difficult being with him cause he cared more for his friends then trying to establish a relationship with me (to be fair to him when he did try to do this, he did well). My heart broke after all the empty promises for the world and now after struggling with the fact that I am alone and trying to reconcile a relationship, my family pointed out that over a 4 week period it was me that contacted him and he did not contact me, just meaning that he does not want me. After tears and tantrums, I was told that he and his family did not want anything to do with me (his family never involved themselves with me in the pregnancy) and even now, I try to include him by asking him to view the 4D scan with me only to be told that he wants a copy to see himself. It may hurt being "thrown away" for his friends and their alcohol binges but it kills me that he and his family are not trying to be involved with me and create a relationship so my little boy will not suffer. I am not innocent either, I'd tell the ex not to talk to me then try to create a relationship or try to reconcile the relationship, I was very confused and hurt but he is not someone that I should not be with in a relationship. I am just so confused by the whole process and continually being "kicked in the guts" by this person and this family. On the positive side, I have a great career that allows me to take maternity leave for 28 weeks and return part-time and also will receive financial assistance from Centrelink so I should be financially secure, I have a supportive family and am being to construct friendships with positive people and I have a beautiful home and everything that my child needs without any help from him or his family and I will be okay as a single mother with support but the sense of guilt for my little boy is overwhelming but how can you force people to have a friendship with you for the sake of an innocent child? It hurts but each day the pain will fade and once he has arrived that my view will change even more so and he will be my world but I anticipate nothing but hosility from these people. I have had my vent - Have other people out there experienced the same? Or have any advice?
Last edited by beaver; August 30th, 2009 at 04:59 PM.
Hey hun. It can be really really tough. I went through a rollercoaster of stuff with Ashtons father, in the end I moved on and he has visits with Ashton every 2nd weekend. It did take a lot to get to where we are now, Ashton is almost 1 and he's not seen him very much.
One thing I did know was that I loved the little baby inside me, and no matter what I was going to cherish him.
There were days when I cried non stop and others where I was so so angry at him for what he had done, leaving me with a baby to raise on my own but you do get past it all and learn to cope on your own.
Just so you know, Ashtons father left when I was 4 months pregnant, and I didn't hear from him until Ashton was almost 4 months old. So it was a fair while. And since then he has been in and out of his life, sometimes being nice and other times just being a down right jerk, but i've learnt to let it all go and keep moving forward.
I am so sorry you are going through these confusing emotions, especially the mother guilt. Your little boy is lucky that he has a mummy as caring as you. Unfortunately you cannot force people to be decent to children and put themselves second fro once. Sounds like you have a great support network set up and you are confident that you will do single parenting well, so ong as you hav e this confidence everything will work out just fine. I have found this forum such a wonderful place of support, especially since becoming a single parent. Look forward to getting to know you and hearing of the arrival of your baby boy x
Thank you for your kind words. It has been very interesting reading through the experiences of single mothers with their XP or XH and in the end it will be okay cause my son has a mother that loves him who is surrounded by a strong family. XP and his family could not contribute emotionally to me which I still hopes will change but I won't be giving into his demands such as "having a go" at me cause I would not let him take the DVD of the 4D Scan that my mother paid for (he needs to ask for her permission cause it is her property) or trying to guilt me that I am taking away him attending ante-natal classes if I have my aunt or mother attend as a support person but why would I want to spend hours alone with someone who talks to me with disrespect and says hurtful things that destroy my self-esteem - emotional abuse? I understand it is hard for him but where and when do I start to put me and my son first opposed to dealing with someone who would rather been under the influence of alcohol etc with his friends. I am having a good old vent now and thinks that he can obtain 50% custody when my son is 3 months old. . . I think I will exclude him and his family from the delivery and the first day after his birth so I can at least enjoy him before they start or don't start. I hate his behaviour - It is just plain old cruel
Sorry all don't want to seem that I am running XP down but so WILD about his lack of involvement. Oh well, only 11 weeks until my world changes when son is born
Single Parent To Be
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks