Thanks girls for your input. I think of myself as a good mum i don't drink smoke or do any drugs for a start. I spend every bit of money on my kids trying to give them the best life i can. I Put the money out and got my 4 yr old counselling after the separation also some help for his speach and level of interest in learning. I spend all my time with them doing puzzles, riding bikes, going to play group ect... I breast fed both boy's till 14months and plan to feed this bubby too, it's very important to me to give them that fighting chance any way possible. When it comes to men getting help they will almost every time refuse. I had my ex husband to do anger management and parenting classes through mediation when we had our court oders done up. He had to complete those before his visitation could start. Just a suggestion for those with that sort of ex. For those people who can't afford a solicitor i recommend centrecare they were great but before doing the mediation you should research as much as you can using the net, books, others experiences anything and don't sign anything you don't agree with make sure you are completely happy with the parenting plan and that you can live by it till it needs to be reviewed. It is very hard to charge the arrangments when your ex is hard to get along with. you can find very good parenting plan examples on the net and they are the same as court orders but the contents is decided by both parents. When signed they hold just as much weight in court as the court orders. I hope some of this could be helpful to someone if you want to know any more or i could forward on some great examples so you have an idea of what things you should think about before going it that mediation room.