So I have been having THE worst days ever the last 2 days, feeling that the writing is on the wall with my marriage and it was up to me to end it or keep plodding along with it. I have done the pros and cons list, there are plenty of pros, but 2 of the cons are biggies: untrustworthy and unreliable. I also know that if DH were to ring me now and tell me he shagged someone else last night, I would have no jealousy, I would feel happy cause it would let me off the hook.

Last time we separated I kept up my hopes the whole time, til he absolutely convinced me that he didnt love me anymore, then i was shattered, absolutely gutted, thought i would die of a broken heart. But i didnt die, i greived the life we should have had, i grieved my marriage and our little family. I cried myself to sleep for months. Then I moved on and was on cloud nine, so happy in myself. And then DH beeged me to come back cause he realised he loved me after all. So of course i went back thinking I had to give our fmaily another chance. BAD decision.

So now I am 6 hours away from DH and I wont be seeing him for another week and I know that I am gonna call it quits for good, but I dont want to tell him over the phone, I am thinking of going home on Sunday/Monday to tell him....I am dreading it SO much, I know what it feels like to have your heart broken and I dont want to be the one to do that to someone else BUT it has to be done.

blah blah blah, I will live, and i should go to bed and stop thinking!