and it starts again

[widdly]

So I have been having THE worst days ever the last 2 days, feeling that the writing is on the wall with my marriage and it was up to me to end it or keep plodding along with it. I have done the pros and cons list, there are plenty of pros, but 2 of the cons are biggies: untrustworthy and unreliable. I also know that if DH were to ring me now and tell me he shagged someone else last night, I would have no jealousy, I would feel happy cause it would let me off the hook.

Last time we separated I kept up my hopes the whole time, til he absolutely convinced me that he didnt love me anymore, then i was shattered, absolutely gutted, thought i would die of a broken heart. But i didnt die, i greived the life we should have had, i grieved my marriage and our little family. I cried myself to sleep for months. Then I moved on and was on cloud nine, so happy in myself. And then DH beeged me to come back cause he realised he loved me after all. So of course i went back thinking I had to give our fmaily another chance. BAD decision.

So now I am 6 hours away from DH and I wont be seeing him for another week and I know that I am gonna call it quits for good, but I dont want to tell him over the phone, I am thinking of going home on Sunday/Monday to tell him....I am dreading it SO much, I know what it feels like to have your heart broken and I dont want to be the one to do that to someone else BUT it has to be done.

blah blah blah, I will live, and i should go to bed and stop thinking!

[CrazyLady]

Aww hun... what a PITA.

When you get home i would pay him back your half and tell him if he thinks he is living in YOUR house rent free he can bugger off.
He doesn't wanna pay then he can come home and find his clothes out the front and the locks changed!

:yeahthat:

Freaking rude b@st@rd!

Stick to your guns girlie!

[Beatrix]

Its never easy hun

but us girls at BB are sending you all our strength and are here for you


xox

[smiles4u]

That'a'girl!

Don't you let him tread on you! Or I will come by on my way to the NT to back you up!

... and i will come from the other side of SA !!

OMG Elissa it's been such a rollercoaster for you, i truly feel for you ... all i can say gorgeous woman is you did above and beyond as any human being could do ... and one day Archie will know what a determined Mum you were to try and try and try ... so PROUD of you matie but sadly it is time to move ahead in life for YOU, who's looking after YOU, Archie will always have you to look after him but you need to look after you from here on and free yourself of the emotional stress you have endured all this time ... I said on someone's else's thread awhile ago love isn't everything infact it's not always enough ... you know what comes close to enough doesn't have to be happy-joy-joy BUT just to be content within yourself & your life ... and one day when you do find a companion that you just feel comfortable with & no looking over you shoulder look at it like they are adding to your life ... don't met someone that's gonna take something away from you or your life cause that aint enriching your life.

I'm not gonna lie the loneliness is the hardest part & yeh as you know the nights, not all nights just some ... will feel the worst of times but just remember this IT WON'T LAST FOREVER !!!!!!! ... (trust me i have experienced those feelings)

My biggest warmest hugs to you Elissa, it takes a lot of courage and you have that in you ... YOU & Archie deserve an atmosphere of some level of peace & harmony, you can do it

[widdly]

Lorelle, thankyou so much, your words really made a lot of sense to me x

well I drove back home on Saturday, got home at tea time and all i wanted to do was hit the town and pick up Sunday Night Guy again. Ended up going out with my sister and having fun, Sunday Night Guy was out of town, but was keen to catch ASAP. SO, I got home at 2am and DH woke up and came and hugged me told me how muched he missed me, I just started bawling, couldnt say a word, I mean, had Sunday Night Guy been in town I would have gone home with him!

I told DH I didnt love him like I used to and he said he could tell, but that he loves me more than anything and I am his everything and I am amazing and he is so sory I dont realise that. I told him I was happy to cheat on him that night and that must mean we need to split up, but he just kept being so wonderful and supportive and telling me we can fix things and he will look after me and make me happy.

OH GAWD! I told him all that and he still loves me and doesnt want to leave??? GOLLY!

SO, of course then I feel like maybe we can eventually work all this out. So freakin confused and emotional all over again. I feel like a broken record in here! round and round in circles I go.

[Oorki Galoorki]

Widdly i think only you can make the decision, follow your heart or head or both.
but until you REALLY know what you want in life for yourself you can not expect to find it in someone else.
do not wait for someone to fill in what is missing.

[widdly]

great advice, thanks

Maybe I just need my space and freedom to do whatever i want whenever i want and down the track I will work out what/who it is I really want in life for the rest of my life. Why didnt i do that BEFORE i got married and had a child???!!!!

[Ellee05]

Oh Widdly. Sorry I didn't see this post earlier to offer you some support.

I don't have advice for you except you are amazingly strong and have been my inspiration, you owe it to yourself and Archie to do what you think is best. Don't let nonghead put the guilt trip on you. Sometimes there is just too much dirty water under the bridge to work it out successfully. I'm afraid it sounds like too little, too late for him.

But at the end of the day, whatever you choose to do know that the BB girls will be here to support you every step of the way.

I would get the CS collected for you, it is one less thing that you have to worry about. As for rent, he can contribute! I bet he isn't going to contribute to the electricity/phone and whatever other utility bills you have when they come in. Get used to it buddy, Widdly is not going to be here to mother you and hold your hand because you suddenly realise what a nong head you are!

xx