Do you think 12 months is too young to start (I'm a SAHM)
Hi everyone. I'm a single mum who has recently started anti depressants. I have been feeling overwhelmed having the kids full time totally alone, especially for the past few weeks since DS got sick & is whinging all day & has been getting up at 5am a bit.
Today I decided to enrol him in daycare one day a week soI can have one day to myself (DD goes to pre school 2 days a week)
I called XH & told him that DS will be going to daycare 1 day a week as of next week & he made me feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. He said he thinks DS is too young for daycare (DD started at 15 months, DS will have only just turned 12 months)
Now I feel like a bad mum for wanting a "day off" so to speak
Please tell me I'm entitled to a day to myself........
ETA: If I had someone helping in the afternoons (like a DP or something) I wouldn't need the break so much but its 100% me with them all day every day (except with DD while she's at pre school)
I'm probably not the best person to ask since I'm currently suffering angst for starting DS in daycare...Personally I do think 12 months is too young, but then we started DS at 16 months, which is not much older so I'm just a hypocrite!
Needing time out does NOT make you a bad mum. If you're comfortable with the daycare centre and feel good about the staff there then you will know your DS is being well cared for while you get a bit of time out to care for yourself.
Is XH volunteering to give you a day off....?
I was having counseling for depression and was encouraged to use day care cos I had no one to help me. You need a break and it's also a fun time for DS too.
I put Miss J into daycare 1 day a week at 10 months old for the same reason, I was on anti-d's and not handling things well, it was actually really good for her socialisation (she was my firstborn), they gave her activities that I was unable to give her.
Trust your instincts, if it feels right yourself not what others say. There is nothing wrong with needing the time to yourself, its just 1 day.
You know, I think you need to do whatever you feel you need xxx
I think its important not to compare the kids... there may be a few months difference from when you put DD into care initially as to when you're starting DS.... but in the scheme of things, does that really matter? No
Your situation is a LOT different this time around... and most importantly, you're doing it solo - in a new place (not even a new town, but a new STATE!)
The last 6 months have been huge for you - don't forget what you've been through - emotional strain is the most exhausting.
I think you need to be kind to yourself - you're doing a fabulous job, don't take that away from yourself & don't forget how brilliant a mummy you've been to your two little ones
Don't for one second think that by putting DS into care that you're not being the best mum you can be - most people have someone they have help from, at the moment you don't - do what you need to do.
In saying that, regardless of if you had the help - it doesn't matter - do it
Just lots of big for you - life is testing you with everything happening... take it in your stride & do whatever you need to to be happy - a happy mum makes you a better mum sweetheart.
Firstly dont feel bad for wanting some 'me time'. Its not just about that its about providing you the opportunity to have quality time with your children when you are with them and if you need to pop your head out of the water every now and then, then that is OK.
Coming from a Children's Service background i am a great advocate for cc. we take children at a much younger age than you are suggesting, and they survive!! (believe it or not)
I am also a child who spend all of my life in FDC( family Day care) and loved it.
We have parents that are using the service for many reasons and some are simular to your situation, i am aware of there's due to my position and that i need to provide care and education to the parents too, im not just around for the children but the whole family network, and this is how the gov are wanting it to develop with the introduction of the blueprint and hubs(another long post).
It is important that you find the right service for you.speak with you MCH for information on services. Its no ones business why you are wanting to use CC so if anyone has any smart remarks tell them to see me. lol
CC in balance has so many benefits...........i could go on and on.
you just need to find the right one for you and your children.
GL and PM me if you have a Q. i could recommend some great services
Darl, I know you're a great mum and sometimes, you know, you just have to be a little bit selfish and put yourself higher up the list.
In an ideal world, I think 12 months is a little young but this ain't an ideal world and you need to be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself and recharging your batteries is absolutely the BEST thing you can do under the circumstances.
I know that I need to recharge my batteries and I have only one child and I have a partner ... so absolutely go for it. You'll feel so much more refreshed. I know how much better I feel after a bit of 'me' time. It's really essential for everyone.
And don't let XH make you feel bad. He was hardly Father Of The Year (sorry to be blunt) and didn't seem like he helped out much so I think he lacks credibility on this.
It is far far better for your child that you are on top of your own mental health and emotional wellbeing. If that means a day in daycare, well, that is better than his mum falling apart because she never gets a break. I'm not necessarily suggesting that you would fall apart, but that it is going to be more beneficial to him that you are at your best.
Look after yourself, and be confident that you know what is best for you and your child.
Hun, do it. Ds has been in FDC since 9 months for 4 days a week, and he LOVES it. And you have every reason to have a day off. He adores his friends there, and has such a great time playing with the kiddies. I get the mumma guilts, but as a mumma sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to be the best you can. It will be OK.
If you weren't a single mummy you would (in theory ) have time off, so OF COURSE you are entitled to it!
You know what, stuff what anyone else thinks. It's not their experience, its not their life, its no their sanity. If you need this, then you need it. Personally, I think you are doing the right thing by giving yourself some time to yourself, especially since you have diagnosed depression. How can you care for your two little cherubs if you won't even care for yourself.
Do it, know you are doing the right thing by your whole family, and chuck that guilt out the window.
Hun, my pyschologist says the first thing she recommends for PND is one day a week in childcare so mum can have a break. My ds starts next week, and tbh I wish I had enrolled him earlier. And you are doing it tougher than I am- I am have illusion of help in dh
Don't be too hard on yourself. I think a day off for mummy is very well deserved- enjoy every second of it
wow ur awesome my DS is only 3 months and im starting to feel like i need a break but i wont do it now coz im so not ready to part from him but i was thinking 6 months so good on u for waiting this long FWIW my mum put my sister in CC at 6 weeks and shes fine dont think ur bad for doing it do wat u think is best
Danielle, I just wanted to pop back to say also that don't think you have to spend that day being a Domestic Goddess and being Wonder Woman at home. Don't feel guilty if you want to use some or all of that day "faffing about" having coffee and doing a bit of window-shopping or whatever. Something that helps you to relax and find yourself a little bit.
I really think that you've been through a hell of a lot these last few years and that it's now time to nurture yourself and think about what you want from the next phase of your life.
I know this is a bit OT but I think seeing a counsellor might also be good. From what I've read of your other posts, it sometimes seems that you don't have many people around you who are good listeners and appreciate you for the really kind and generous person that you are. I know when I've seen a counsellor it's immensely comforting just to hear someone say, "hell yes, you've had a rough trot."
Really what I'm saying is that I think you deserve the absolute best from life!!!
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
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you are at a low point in your life, so prolly very sensitive to any criticism. totally understandable.
i bet you are harsher on yourself, than anyone else could ever be anyhoo. Good on you for ADMITTING feeling overwhelmed, not everyone is brave enough to even face that fact. You are clearly a loving mum, you put your hand up when you aren't coping, you are getting help. You are doing so well to be doing all that. GOOD ON YOU!
i am assuming there is a reason your ex is your ex, otherwise he would still be in the picture. So if he is the one making your feel guilty, he is not in your shoes to judge you.
You coping as a single mum, are everything for your children. If you go downhill, they have no-one. So it's important that you do whatever you need to do (happy pills, childcare, counselling etc) to keep functioning and being their mum.
It is very easy for people who have two Grandmas coming to help, babysitting, a DH, etc to judge you.
At 12 months, i would consider a shorter day of care if possible, attachment is important. I started my child at 16 months (due to my own health going downhill), and visited her at lunchtime to feed her. i stayed with her (often took an hour) to settle her in to the CCC environment, which i put down to lack of famliarity - only going to cc once a week. Just like i wasn't comfortable with controlled crying to get her to sleep, i also wouldn't walk out of the CCC until she was fine with me going - that's what i did, might not suit you (i only have one child), just putting it out there, that there are a few ways of doing things. (it doesn't have to be ALL or NOTHING).
How to use your time out is hard. So much easier to pay bills, get errands done, when you are child free. Easier to vacuum when kids are not around, especially if you have a child who is terrified of the vaccum cleaner!
You gotta do, what you gotta do, to get through.
Whatever you do as a parent, SOMEONE will judge you for.
If you feel in your heart, in your gut, that you are doing the right thing, listen to that.
Definitely not. Lots of people return to work way before there kids are 1 and this is no different. Everyone has different needs - I am actually looking forward to heading back to work for a few days soon. I just don't have to justify it to anyone as if I don't return to work I lose my job. Parenting is hard enough, don't give yourself a hard time. I agree with fionas - perhaps be quite regimented about doing a set period of jobs on the cc day and then the rest of the day is for you. Good luck!
no hun you are not a bad parent for needing time out !!!
dont feel bad !!!.
DS will be fine and you will start to feel better in yourself and things will look up .
:hugs: hun x
Do you think 12 months is too young to start (I'm a SAHM)
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) have time off, so OF COURSE you are entitled to it!
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