In My Mind Im Not Fat...

[Jakabella]

... But IRL I am.. Im nearly 30 kgs over weight and I hate myself...

I have always been solid - was always the fat kid that kids picked on, my nickname is high school was Kuba (japanese for Hippo) I lost 20 plus kgs when I was in my early 20's and I kept it off. I then met my now DH and I started putting on weight again and I was happy and comfortable. I felt terrible and lost another 10 kgs - but I was a maniac, I didnt eat much and I went to the gym 5 times a week BUT I was happy and skinny and I could wear noce clothes.
Then DH and I moved into gether and bought a house and I let myself slide alot. I went to WW and lost another 10 kgs before oue wedding and I was happy. I put on a bit of weight after the wedding but was still healthy and happy.

Then I fell preg with Bella and I saw it as my free pass to eat what ever I wanted - so I did. I was lucky and only put on 7 kgs over the whole preg - but once Bella was born I still kept eating what ever I wanted and since her birth I have gained at least 10 kgs..

But in my head Im not over weight... I still eat what I want and I dont feel bad about it.. then I see myself in a shop window or in the morror and I am disgusting...

I dont know what to do ... I start a diet and I find away to sabotage myself. I have NO will power and I hate myself...

I want to be a healthy mum for Bella and we are also TTC and I want to fall preg and have a healthy bub..

Im really scared... I try hard but I just fail all the time.. I am a failure.

Thanks for listening.. feels good to get it all out.

Kate

I

[Shanti]

You aren't a failure.... and I think you know you aren't too You are just beating yourself up unnecessarily!!!

It's ALL in your MIND. Think Slim! Trust me. I have always had weight problems since I was about 19 too..... always been overweight.......

You CAN lose weight without depriving yourself and you CAN lose weight by not exercising that much...... you JUST have to BELIEVE in yourself that you can do it.

I've lost some weight recently and it's purely from just EATING WELL. I'm NOT on a diet. I'm not on some crazy weight loss scheme.... I'm just EATING WELL. Looking after myself and NOT eating cr@p.

Good luck hun. I understand the battle.

[RhiChiChi]

Kate,

I've been there too (numerous times, too many to count) and even when I have seen photos of me looking huge & disgusting, I would feel a bit guilty and think about doing something about it but then not bother and eat some more (I am a comfort eater) It has only been just prior to Xmas that I have changed my mind set. One thing is that you need to view is that it is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. Like Shanti has said, you can do it - you've done it before! Shanti is right too - she is eating well, not diet food but food to fuel our bodies to get through the day - to look after ourselves, our children and it just happens that it will make you lose weight. I occassionally have the odd day of eating 'junk' food but the next day I get back into eating well and exercising. You'd be surprised at how many calories can be in even what you might think is ok/good food but also amazed at how much 'good' food you can fill up on and have minimal calories. An online tool I use is Calorie King (google it) which has a food diary & counts calories for you.

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do.

[Jakabella]

Thanks Ladies,
I guess I need to start believing in myself again.

Its hard when right now i have a sick bub thats been really crook for 5 days and was at the hospital today.. just all feels to hard right now.

[Shanti]

DD was in hospital on IV fluids 2 weeks ago and it made me feel like just eating whatever again.....it's hard getting food when in hossy hey! So i know how you feel!! all it takes is a small (or big) upset and you can be back at square one! But you just have to remember how badly you want to be healthy and fit for your DD! That's enough to motivate me.....

[Shanti]

I find that if I cut out sugary drinks, chocolate, bad foods etc (like I'm doing now) I don't crave them after a while...... in fact, I've been eating LESS food because I'm not getting those constant sugar hits and needing those constant sugar fixes.... kwim??

I am still eating bread, dairy etc, I feel that's important for a healthy diet and also I'm BF so I need to eat well for DD's health! I also have the motivation to want to TTC another baby very soon..... I see you are too.... keep that in mind and that will help focus you too!! It's making me focused that's for sure as I want another baby soon!!!!!

[krysalyss]

Hi J. I totally understand as I was there too - 1kg off being obese. I really didn't realise it, and even though I have now lost a lot of the weight I still feel the same as always - just that bit podgy. The only think I notice that changes is my perception of how skinny/heavy other people are, or photos of me. But you can lose the weight if you want to. One of the most important things to realise about changing your eating and exercise habits is that you don't have to be good all of the time. I often have all night work sessions, or celebrations and I can be really bad with my eating. But I don't let it go for too many days before I rein myself in again. I think that is the key. When you have a sick kid or something else the priority goes to that. Then you get back on the wagon. Although eating well definitely helps with the stress of other situations too. Getting into some exercise that you actually enjoy (as opposed to exercise you only do to lose weight) helps an awful lot as well as the focus is on the fun of it and not just on the results you get for your waistline.

[MrsFabuloso]

I know how you feel. Although I wasn't really overweight when younger, I was when I left high school. I lost 10kgs then, to be my lightest weight at about 60kg, but only for a few years when I had my first m/c. I was comfortable at 60kg (ish) though and very happy with myself for the first time ever. I have steadily been putting weight on since I was about 20. About 6ish kg per pg (or m/c) actually. Though after DS, I have been getting fatter and fatter. I just can't focus and lose this weight. I hate looking int he mirror. I have never had the greatest self esteem but now it's non existent. I don't know why I can't lose weight. I think of it every day, just about everything that goes into my mouth, I'm thinking about if I should or shouldn't eat it. I have a terrible relationship with food, my body, eating. I hate feeling like this and you'd think it would be enough to make me find the motivation and will to lose weight. Plus DH has agreed to have another baby after almost 2yrs of my nagging him, but only if I lose at least 15kg, so I am able to handle the pg better. More motivation. Besides just being healthy to run around with my kids and being healthy for myself. Still just haven't managed to find the oomph I need. So deflating when I try, lose 5kgs, then just end up back where I started, or fatter.
Sorry for the woe is me post, didn't mean to take over! But I know what you're saying!

[MissM]

I still eat what I want and I dont feel bad about it.. then I see myself in a shop window or in the morror and I am disgusting...

I dont know what to do ... I start a diet and I find away to sabotage myself.I

I do this! i actually just posted a 'time to get on the band wagon' thread lol cos I've really been making excuses for myself this past month and i KNOW better!

You are NOT a failure!! Take it slowly, and one day at a time. Cut out the naughty foods, but still allow yourself something 'naughty' once a week (I did and still managed to lose weight in the first month) For me, I find if I tell myself I cant have something I want it more and more to the point I want to eat alot of cr@p then the whole guilt thing starts, so I allow myself a 'naughty' day once a week

[{sarah}]

I still eat what I want and I dont feel bad about it.. then I see myself in a shop window or in the morror and I am disgusting...

I could have written the same thing as well. I just keep telling myself it doesn't matter because I'll be pregnant again soon, really really not a good way for me to think about it

[Traveller]

I know exactly how you feel. I always felt ok about myself. Yes, my clothes were a bit tight and yes, I was a bit anxious if I saw a camera coming out. But it was not until I saw a snap of myself on facebook that I realised things had gotten out of control. I weighed myself and found I was 181lbs, which for my height is obese (BMI 30)

I trully believe it is impossible to make any lasting change until you really want it, and I don't like fad diets or restrictive ones where anything is cut out. I lost 28lbs (12kg's) by following 3 simple rules:

1) move more. This doesn't have to me the gym. Walk to the shops instead of drive. Go for a jog. Do an exercise class or DVD. But do something every day.

2) eat less. This means of everything. Reduce your portions, go for a milky way instead of a 200g bar of dairy milk, etc. Personally I tracked my calories online to ensure I was eating the right amount of food, others have success with weightwatchers, etc. Learning appropriate portion sizes was a huge eye opener, I had been overeating at every meal. Now I eat less and am not hungry because I fill up on veggies, etc.

3) enjoy your food. If you are going to eat it, savour every mouthfull. You will feel full quicker and eat less.

Don't cut out a food group, be it chocolate (yes this is a whole food group in my house) or carbs. Restrictive diets, in my experience, make you feel like you are a failure if you cheat, so you break the whole thing. Learn how to eat properly for a long term lifestyle change and I believe you will have every success.

Good luck!

T
xx

[Jakabella]

Thanks Ladies.

I have started slowly this week. I have eaten better and exercised more. Ever when we were out today and in a food court I would have usually eater KFC or Maccas but I didnt I had a voulavant and sallad - and I only are 1/2 the voulavant and the whole sallad. Not the best choice but better than usual.

Sarah - I thin the same way too! As we are TTC I think oh well ill be preggas soon (i hope!!) and then it will not matter! Not good thinking by me!

Anyway slowly slowly for me but I feel good!

Kate

[Honeybee]

Sorry that you've been feeling bad about your weight and yourself. I used pg as an excuse to eat and eat and eat, and put on over 20kg which is massive for me. Then I was almost diagnosed with gestational diabetes and it shocked me into action. What I found really helped was having a very small snack between meals, plus portion control. If I had a couple of vita wheats and a slice of cheese mid morning, then I found I was happier to have a smaller lunch and I wasn't thinking about food all the time. Add in a little bit more incidental exercise (I would walk to the shops) and losing weight gradually becomes relatively easy (as in easier than an extreme diet, it's never really easy).

Wishing you luck!

[luna moth]

I have been there, and come out the other side. When I lived in Europe, my weight got up to its highest, and when I came back to Aus, I just had to fix it. It took me probably 8-10 years to put on 15-20kg, so it has taken me 5 years to take it all off. But I can now wear the skirt I wore to my Year 6 farewell. It feels awesome.

One of the big things I got out of it was the mantra "What I put in my mouth will nto change the way I feel." Repeat as necessary.

I kept a diary. Didn't write in it every day, but split it up into pages of "Joy" and "frustration" So, if I saw myself in a shop window, or whatever, and hated it, I wrote about it in Frustration. If I went to a party and felt absolutely stunning, or someone commented on how good I looked, or evn if I went to a food court and ate salad, I wrote that in there. Really helped me to get back on the horse.

Might come back with some more later. The biggest thing is accepting this as permanent change. That means that in 6 weeks, you are still doing this, and making it habit.

[RhiChiChi]

I have been there, and come out the other side. When I lived in Europe, my weight got up to its highest, and when I came back to Aus, I just had to fix it. It took me probably 8-10 years to put on 15-20kg, so it has taken me 5 years to take it all off. But I can now wear the skirt I wore to my Year 6 farewell. It feels awesome.

One of the big things I got out of it was the mantra "What I put in my mouth will nto change the way I feel." Repeat as necessary.

I kept a diary. Didn't write in it every day, but split it up into pages of "Joy" and "frustration" So, if I saw myself in a shop window, or whatever, and hated it, I wrote about it in Frustration. If I went to a party and felt absolutely stunning, or someone commented on how good I looked, or evn if I went to a food court and ate salad, I wrote that in there. Really helped me to get back on the horse.

Might come back with some more later. The biggest thing is accepting this as permanent change. That means that in 6 weeks, you are still doing this, and making it habit.

Great tips about the mantra & diary - will use these tools